4 days ago
Is your partner a narcissist? The simple 'occasion test' that could change your relationship forever
A woman has revealed what she believes is the easiest way to spot a narcissist - and it might just change the way you look at your relationship forever.
Bella Bennett, from South Australia, explained a chilling tactic narcissists often use to regain control when the spotlight isn't on them.
Unfortunately for those in the firing line, it often starts with simply showing any signs of happiness - especially around special occasions or milestones.
'Pretend you have a special occasion coming up... Whether it's your friend's birthday or whatever... Watch how they treat you during the days, nights and mornings leading up to that occasion,' Bella said in the video.
According to Bella, if your partner is a narcissist, you'll notice a shift almost immediately.
'The moment something else is making you happy and the attention is going off them, they can't stand it,' she explained.
'The first thing they're going to try do is prove to you that your happiness depends on their mood.'
In other words? If you were genuinely looking forward to a big night out or an important milestone, and suddenly find yourself anxious, miserable, or second-guessing everything, it might not be bad luck. It could be emotional sabotage.
Experts agreed that the 'occasion test' was a 'genius way' to spot the signs.
Sydney clinical psychologist Dr Maria-Elena Lukeides said that narcissists often manipulate emotional dynamics to ensure their partner's happiness (and even self-worth) feel conditional on the narcissist's approval or mood.
If you're happy without them or excited about something that doesn't involve them, it can trigger deep insecurity, often leading to them lashing out or trying to bring you down.
'This is a tactic (whether they're cognisant of it or not) that aims to keep their partner emotionally dependent and reinforces the narcissist's sense of control and importance,' Dr Lukeides told FEMAIL.
'This is because the narcissist often defends against their own negative states of emotions by projecting onto their partners.'
The manipulative game is sadly one many victims don't realise they're playing until it's too late.
Bella's video struck a chord with thousands of people after it racked up more than 750,000 views.
'Your own birthday is the worst. That's when it's time to really devalue you,' one person said.
'My ex would start a fight right before attending a special occasion. He gets to stay home with his Xbox and my night is ruined,' another wrote.
'I wish I saw this video 27 years ago,' one added.
A healthy partner on the other hand, 'will encourage your independence, celebrate your achievements, and feel genuine happiness for your joy - even when it doesn't involve them directly,' Dr Lukeides said.
'The key difference between healthy/unhealthy is empathy and the ability to support your individuality versus a need to control and overshadow you.'
If Bella's explanation hit a little too close to home, here are some other simple tell-tale signs your partner may be a narcissist in disguise.
You might want to take note.
1. They love-bombed you in the beginning, then changed overnight
Narcissists are known for sweeping romantic gestures, deep declarations of love, and making you feel like 'the one' early on. But once they have you hooked, the affection can dry up fast — leaving you confused and craving their validation.
2. They never apologise - or if they do, it's fake
You'll hear phrases like 'I'm sorry you feel that way' or 'I wouldn't have done that if you didn't...' 'They rarely apologise sincerely and often blame others (or lie!) about their own shortcomings or mistakes,' said Dr. Lukeides.
3. They constantly play the victim
Even when they've clearly hurt you, somehow, they'll twist the story to make it your fault or paint themselves as the one who's suffering. 'This includes a lack of genuine empathy, frequent need for admiration, inability to accept criticism, gaslighting (a complicated thing, but essentially makes you question your reality), and a pattern of manipulating others for personal gain.'
4. You feel like you're walking on eggshells
If you're constantly anxious about their mood, afraid to express your feelings, or dreading a reaction every time you do something independently. 'You're being told you are loved, but you are often feeling rejected, criticised and anxious.'
5. They isolate you
Narcissists want to be your everything. That means cutting you off subtly (or not-so-subtly) from friends, family, or anything that takes your focus off them.
So, if any of these red flags sound uncomfortably familiar, it might be time to take a step back and re-evaluate the relationship.
