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If You Were Called These 9 Words as a Child, You Were Likely Raised by Emotionally Immature Parents
If You Were Called These 9 Words as a Child, You Were Likely Raised by Emotionally Immature Parents originally appeared on Parade.
Many adults grew up hearing that words were "no big deal" because they couldn't cause physical pain (remember the popular "sticks and stones" saying?). However, psychologists stress that words matter, especially the ones we hear from our parents. Emotionally immature parents can resort to name-calling and can cause long-lasting harm, even if it's not visible like a scrape or bruise. "Parents shape our worldview, self-concept and ability to manage adversity," explains ., the director of psychology and chief psychologist at Driftwood Recovery. "When they display signs of emotional immaturity, their words can affect us well into adulthood, impacting our self-esteem and relationships."Dr. Kennedy shares that it's crucial to understand how an impacted you so that you can heal, develop healthy relationships as an adult and break generational cycles if you have kids in your life. Here, she points out nine words emotionally immature parents often —as well as how to
"Emotionally immature parents struggle to regulate their feelings, show empathy or have emotional boundaries," Dr. Kennedy explains. She says emotionally immature parents may:
Act emotionally needy or explosive
Display controlling behaviors
Dismiss emotions
Project feelings or trauma onto a child
Struggle with recognizing natural emotional development in children, such as expecting kids to act like mini-adults
Refuse to take ownership of behavior
Not apologize
Blame others (including the child) for their problems
Ignore children
Make passive-aggressive comments
Name call
Struggle with empathy and support
Emotionally immature parents also often hurl the following nine hurtful words at their
Dr. Kennedy didn't beat around the bush. Emotionally immature parents, by definition, habitually use immature language like "loser." However, it hurts, especially if you were the child on the receiving end. Just so that you know, you were not the problem—and you're not a "loser.""When an emotionally immature parent casts judgment on a child who is struggling by calling them a 'loser,' they may be casting their own insecurity onto their child about how the child's behavior reflects on them," she says. "They may also feel a deeper sense of sadness or loss when their child does not have the ambition they had hoped for or does not meet their expectations."Related:
Like loser, "dumb" is an unsophisticated word to use on anyone. Yet, it can especially get into a child's head and take up residency there well into adulthood."Calling a child 'dumb' suggests that the emotionally immature parent does not know how to conceptualize a child with learning challenges or special needs," Dr. Kennedy explains. "They may struggle to capitalize on the child's cognitive strengths or get them the type of learning support they need to be successful."
Children are full of developmentally appropriate needs. However, an emotionally immature parent may not see it that way and hurl the label "burden" in their kid's direction."Emotionally immature parents may resent the difficulty involved in raising children, damaging their children's self-esteem by making them feel burdensome or unwanted," Dr. Kennedy reports. "Children who experience challenges in life and need more support may lead to feelings that overwhelm the capacities of the emotionally immature parent."Related:
It's technically two words, but stick with us. Dr. Kennedy shares that this label can have long-lasting effects on a person's emotional development."'Drama queen' might suggest that your parent is overwhelmed by your intense emotions and is struggling to help you regulate your feelings," she explains. "They may not have the skills to show adequate empathy or teach the skills to manage intense feelings, and they may have a history of growing up with a parent who either expressed intense emotion in a maladaptive way or did not show emotions or discuss them, making feelings seem 'dramatic.'"However, the self-esteem-busting cycle can continue if the parent uses the word on a
Dr. Kennedy reports that emotionally immature parents often use these words because they have trouble with boundaries. On one hand, they may struggle to take accountability for not setting limits or boundaries for their child. On the other?"This might also suggest that they feel abandoned if you set a boundary or cannot spend time with them due to your own busy life or responsibilities, such that they call your perfectly appropriate boundary-setting 'selfish,'" she adds.
This word can feel like a massive insult in a culture that's obsessed with productivity."The emotionally immature parent may project their Type A personality or need for control onto a child who is less focused on productivity," Dr. Kennedy says. "They may accuse a child of being 'lazy,' when in fact, the child may value recreation or social connections more than being productive in a work or academic environment."
"Calling a child 'mediocre' can be one of the most harmful words an emotionally immature parent can use, at least in American culture," Dr. Kennedy what, though? You were normal, and that's enough."Statistically speaking, the majority of people fall into the middle of the pack regarding cognitive ability, athletic ability and other attributes," she
Dr. Kennedy says that being described as a "disappointment" can do a number on someone's self-esteem (especially a child's)."It implies that they will never measure up to their parents' hopes and dreams," she explains. "Rather than being attuned to the unique personhood of the child, the parent is projecting their own imaginary view of what they wanted their child to be."
This one may sound like a plot twist—after all, "best friend" is usually a compliment. However, Dr. Kennedy says that's not the case in a parent-child shares that parents who consider their kids their "best friends" can struggle with boundaries, such as discussing topics with a child they aren't old enough to grasp, let alone offer advice."A friend-like relationship with a parent can be a positive bond when there are rules, limits and boundaries," Dr. Kennedy reports. "But when the parent does not engage in other relationships, does not discipline or create rules for their child and crosses boundaries by sharing details of their life that are inappropriate, this can be a very damaging dynamic that continues to affect the child's relationships into adulthood."Related:
Dr. Kennedy suggests seeking professional help to untangle the long-lasting harms of an emotionally immature parent. "A professional is an objective person who may be able to help clarify whether your parent is, in fact, emotionally immature and how this may be affecting you," she says. "They can help guide you with boundary setting or having difficult conversations with your parent to improve the relationship."
"Your feelings of never being good enough, feeling like you are 'too much,' or feeling constantly angry or guilty are valid and important," Dr. Kennedy advises people to take time and permit themselves to feel those emotions."When you can give yourself compassion and know that you came by these behaviors honestly, you can take more ownership over your choices and free yourself up to do things differently," she
Dr. Kennedy wants to double down on the compassion piece, but this time, she's referring to having it for your emotionally immature parent."As difficult as it can be, we need to empathize with our parents to a degree," she explains. "Emotionally immature parents are not made in a vacuum. They typically have experienced some form of trauma or attachment difficulties with their own parents, who were of a different generation that did not view mental health in the same way we do today."Validating emotions and understanding that they are a normal part of the human experience may have felt foreign to an emotionally immature parent."If we can not only have compassion for ourselves but also have some compassion for our parents, we may be more likely to find new ways to communicate with them or become less reactive to their behavior," Dr. Kennedy Next:Dr. Vanessa Kennedy, Ph.D., the director of psychology and chief psychologist at Driftwood Recovery
If You Were Called These 9 Words as a Child, You Were Likely Raised by Emotionally Immature Parents first appeared on Parade on Jun 2, 2025
This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 2, 2025, where it first appeared.
