10 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Irish Daily Mirror
Dublin's first AI tour guide programmed to copy the locals 'unique wit & charm'
Maybe it's an impulse born of living on an island that once marked the edge of the known world.
But inside most Irish people, there is a tour guide waiting to come out.
A living, breathing Google map just longing to be asked for directions or suggestions on what we do to pass the time around here.
Of course it's of no major consequence whether you have any actual knowledge on the subject being queried.
A friend once overheard this exchange between a proud Dub and his foreign guest in a city centre pub
Pointing at a picture of James Joyce framed on the wall, the eager visitor inquired who it was.
Summoning years of local knowledge the local confidently declared: 'That's Eamon de Valera. He was shot by the Brits for dividing the country in two.'
It's the kind of innate native confidence that makes many of us think that if the pension plan to win the EuroMillions or find a lost bale of cartel cocaine on the beach fails, we can always fall back on a bit of local tour guiding.
But news reaching us this week suggests we may now have to file those ambitions away in the 'there goes another dream' folder of life.
Because Dublin City Council has unveiled what is believed to be one of the world's first 'AI' tour guides.
In a press release the city fathers breathlessly announced: 'Meet Brendan, the AI-Guide who offers a new way for tourists and locals alike to explore Dublin, delivering engaging AI powered audio content — with his distinct Dublin wit, charm, and playful personality.
'He covers more than 500 cultural and historical spots across the city, using advanced AI technology to provide real-time narrations, all in a warm, locally inspired storytelling style.'
Well now, from my limited knowledge of AI, I do know it learns from scraping anything it can find on the internet. And it can get lost in translation very easily.
So the big question is, which natives has AI Brendan scraped his 'locally inspired' Dublin storytelling charm and wit from?
Let us imagine with a tour of the city's famous landmarks.
First stop is the much-molested statue of city icon Molly Malone, where AI 'Mrs Brendan's Boys' is warning people it's now forbidden to kop a feel of her ample bosom.
'But you can grab me by the cockles and mussels anytime wayhay!'
'Ah Here Leave it Out!' retorts AI 'Inner City Man of the People Brendan'.
He takes his guests instead on a ramble to the GPO where he regales them with a history of how Padraig Pearse declared independence from the historic steps by proclaiming: 'Get away from me Brits, yiz are like the last sting of a dying wasp!'
A short hop away, AI 'Talk To Brendan' is taking complaints from visitors outraged at the carry-on of locals mooning New York through the Dublin Portal.
'Go ahead Maisie yeah, you came to Ireland for the craic but you didn't expect one to photobomb your Bloomsday selfie with the James Joyce statue, I know, I not like what you expected from watching Normal People.'
Moving around the corner to O'Connell Street we pass AI 'Italia '90 Brendan' who looks a lot like Colm Meaney as he touts for custom for his open top city bus tours, shouting: 'I suppose a ride is out of the question?'
Arriving at Dublin's most popular landmark we find the AI 'Notorious Brendan', addressing a tour group outside St James Gate.
'Home of the Black Stuff? Ireland doesn't have enough homes for its own stuff, it's full bro. This is the Great replacement of White Paddy orchestrated by the bleedin' woke Garda Traffic Corps.
'Now come and have a proper pint of my home brew porter instead. Or I'll give ya a bleedin dig in the head.'
Passing back down Dame Street, outside the Central Bank, AI 'Celtic Tiger Brendan' bears a startling resemblance to a former Taoiseach.
He is selling tours of the IFSC and Croke Park with an afternoon activity of 'climbing every tree in north Dublin' thrown in.
'Dis way folks but no cards tanks. De local Dubalin custom is not to use dem ould bank accounts, it's all cash in envelopes around here still. Revolut me h**e! Anyone for de last of de cheeky charlies?'
He is drowned out by a scruffy looking 'Sir Brendan' AI who is telling his punters that this is the type of banana republic economics that has always made Dublin a 'f***ing kip'.
'Just give me your f***ing money and we will go stay in London instead.'
Finally, arriving to the tourist mecca of Temple Bar we encounter AI 'Frontman Brendan' who is short and wearing sunglasses in the pouring rain.
He is recalling for the visitors the historic first performance of Handel's 'Messiah'.
'So Handel was foretelling that a Messiah would rise from these city streets with no name. And he himself would become a Handle – a Human Handle, opening the doors to Dublin's one true soul like Moses parting the Red Sea for the children of Abraham and…'
At which point a passing unemployed local guide could be heard to interrupt and ask: 'Here Brendan, do you know the five lamps…'
