Latest news with #EvolutionaryPsychologicalScience
New York Post
12-05-2025
- General
- New York Post
The common things you should never say to a toxic in-law if you want a long-lasting marriage, relationship expert reveals
If your mother-in-law is giving you Livia Soprano or Bunny MacDougal vibes, take a beat before you snap back with a zinger you can't take back. Marriage and family therapist Sara M. Klein, LMFT, says the key to dealing with a meddling MIL is to bite your tongue — and when in doubt, play it like a National Geographic docuseries. 'One strategy I might use,' Klein recently told PureWow in an interview, 'is to pretend you are an anthropologist and just observe and describe. This will help with judgments.' Rather than rolling your eyes when she criticizes your holiday traditions — which will most likely happen — Klein suggests saying something like, 'It's interesting that your family does holidays this way,' or 'Their family has rituals that I never did growing up.' If you're tempted to drop a snarky 'That's your son's decision' when your mother-in-law keeps intruding in your marriage, Klein warns against deflecting responsibility. 'Blame and shame are not effective relationally. They shut people down, and there is no space in between,' Klein told the outlet. 3 If your mother-in-law is getting under your nerves, pause before unleashing a zinger you might regret. ViDi Studio – Instead, she suggests saying, 'We made a decision about this and we are happy to discuss our thought process with you.' When it comes to parenting, the expert explained that it's normal to want to parent differently from how your in-laws raised their children. And statements like 'We'll never do that with our children' can feel like a direct critique of how your in-laws raised your spouse. Instead, try: 'We're trying to limit screen time while the kids are little — it's just what's feeling right for us right now. But who knows, ask me again in six months,' Klein explained. 3 Klein told PureWow that blame and shame tactics are counterproductive in relationships, as they tend to shut people down and leave no room for open dialogue. motortion – According to a 2021 study published in 'Evolutionary Psychological Science,' the whole 'monster-in-law' stereotype may be a product of evolutionary wiring. Researchers found that 44% of people reported more conflict with their mothers-in-law than with their own mothers, largely over financial resources and child care. 'This genetic conflict may cause affines (in-laws) to disagree about the distribution of resources and investment, just as we see mothers and fathers disagreeing in these domains,' the study authors wrote. They also noted that these conflicts are likely heightened because in-laws 'do not choose to have relationships with one another' but are thrown together as 'unintended consequences' of their children's romantic entanglements. 3 A 2021 study published in Evolutionary Psychological Science suggests that the classic 'monster-in-law' trope might actually be rooted in our evolutionary instincts. Elnur – Meanwhile, Dr. Terri Apter, a Cambridge University psychologist and author of 'What Do You Want From Me?' believes that much of the conflict between wives and mothers-in-law is fueled by both women striving to be the 'primary woman' in their respective families. 'Each tries to establish or protect their status. Each feels threatened by the other,' Apter wrote in her book.
Yahoo
09-02-2025
- General
- Yahoo
The One Thing Most People Get Wrong About Middle Children
When it comes to birth order stereotypes, middle children get the—dare I say—middle child treatment. The oldest is the golden child, the responsible overachiever. The youngest? The spoiled baby who gets away with everything. But the middle child? If pop culture is to be believed, they're the overlooked Jan Brady, forever stuck in the shadow of their siblings, resigned to a lifetime of "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!" Stephanie Tanner, Denise Huxtable, Lisa Simpson—all were portrayed struggling to get the attention. But what if these ideas about middle children is wrong? As a middle child myself, I was surprised to learn that maybe there's one thing everyone's gotten wrong about us. Dr. Catherine Salmon, PhD, an expert in evolutionary psychology and co-author of The Secret Power of Middle Children, is here to set the record straight. Not only are middle children not forgotten, but they may just have the best skill set of all. Dr. Catherine Salmon, PhD., is a professor in the psychology department at the University of Redlands. With expertise in evolutionary psychology and human sexuality, she has served as associate editor of Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences, as well as book review editor for Evolutionary Psychological Science. In collaboration with Katrin Schumann, Dr. Salmon is the author of The Secret Power of Middle Children. She has also written chapters in numerous books including The Handbook of Evolutionary Psychology. "The biggest misconception about middle children is that they are overlooked and bitter about it," says Dr. Salmon. "In reality, they may receive less parental attention, but that actually benefits them in the long run." Unlike firstborns, who often feel the weight of parental expectations, or youngest siblings, who tend to be doted on, middle children develop a unique set of skills that make them exceptionally independent, socially adept, and highly adaptable. They learn early on how to navigate different personalities and situations, making them natural team players and problem solvers. Labeling middle children as forgotten or jealous does them (us) a disservice. "They often have to overcome these preconceptions," Dr. Salmon explains. "Middleborns are actually ambitious—but their ambition is often directed toward social goals like serving others and making an impact in their communities." In fact, their strong social orientation means they excel at negotiation and collaboration. Instead of seeking validation from parents, they learn to carve out their own paths, which translates into a strong sense of independence and resilience. Worried your middle child isn't getting enough attention? Dr. Salmon advises not to stress too much. "Middleborns thrive in their unique role," she says. However, there are a few things parents can do to support them: For middle children wondering how to use their unique position to their advantage, Dr. Salmon suggests playing to their strengths. "Don't compete with your siblings—find your own path," she advises. "Your ability to think outside the box, your independence, and your self-motivation are powerful assets in the workplace and beyond." Noted. Middle Children Have a Secret Power—Here's How to Help Them Hone It, According to a Psychologist
