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- Boston Globe
Greenhead flies are coming, and this will be their most evil season in memory
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TODAY'S STARTING POINT
There's a dumb tradition, in the towns along the Great Marsh in the northeastern corner of Massachusetts, of debating whether it's a 'good' greenhead season or a 'bad' greenhead season.
That's because every greenhead season is wretched. I live in of those Great Marsh towns, and I can assure you there is no good or bad. There is only evil, for what those vile creatures accomplish each July is obscene: They wait for the best beach days, and then they take them from us.
If you are unfamiliar with the greenhead horsefly, play the Powerball immediately, because
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They are out for blood. Literally, for they need a blood-meal to lay a second round of eggs, and they love dining on the human leg. These vampire bugs prefer sunny, windless days, so they can land so gently you won't even feel them. They will then use their sharp mouth parts to open a hole in your leg, inject you with an anticoagulant, and start dining. Only then does the unsuspecting mammal realize what's up, because that anticoagulant hurts. A lot. Like a lot a lot. There's a reason that Crane Beach in Ipswich, in the heart of fly country, puts out a sign at the parking lot entrance warning that the greenheads are out, and there are no refunds.
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If you know, you know. If you don't, you'll end up like my college roommate,
I don't know if you've ever seen a 260-pound former catcher in fight-or-flight mode while trapped on the deck of an old Boston Whaler, but you'll want to bring a video camera. You know that dance they do at Oktoberfest, slapping their legs and flailing about? Now picture this dance being performed by someone on fire.
Any day now, this will all begin again, and it will be the worst greenhead season in memory. Not because it will be 'bad.' But because it will steal the best days of July in a year where Mother Nature already stole most of the best days of May and June. We had
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I'm launching the boat as soon as I'm finished writing this, because it feels like I'm racing a ticking time bomb. (I was supposed to be off anyway,
Globe.
And yes, I know I was supposed to write this
Wednesday,
but I got traumatized thinking about these sinister bugs
.
)
And, as always, I will be armed.
Because there is one good thing about greenhead season, and that is murder. There is no such thing as a greenhead repellant,
No, the only defense is a good offense. You must kill them.
And so as I pack the boat with all the rods and lures and other tools I use to rarely catch fish, I will follow the Baker Family Safe Boating Guidelines: Every passenger must have one life jacket, two fly swatters, and be out for blood.
🧩
5 Down:
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BESIDE THE POINT
By Teresa Hanafin
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