2 days ago
My DNA Test Revealed Something So Shocking, It Changed My Life Forever
Journalist Heather Buckner was connected to Kimberly Moore Francis and other subjects through 'DNA Identity Surprise and This NPE Life,' a Facebook group that supports people who've discovered unexpected family connections through DNA testing. The community, founded by Army veteran and retired RN Alesia Weiss, who uncovered her own DNA surprise in 2014, is now 4,100 members strong.
It's funny how some moments get seared into your brain. I was getting tires put on my car when I got my DNA results. I had always been told that my twin brothers and I had the same father, but according to my results, I had a different father and was half Italian. I was distraught. I called my brother, crying, and he said, 'You're still my sister.'
Originally, it was my mom who wanted to learn our history. She had grown up in foster care, so we decided to work on her family tree. When she found out her mother had died, she lost interest. Then, in October of 2021, my mom died; I sent off my own test at the end of December. In February of 2022 I got a close match, but when I messaged the person, I never heard back.
Then in February 2023 I got another close match on MyHeritage: my biological dad's cousin. I messaged his son, who managed his MyHeritage profile, and said, Hey, I don't know how we match. He didn't either. I am from Florida and live in Kentucky, while they live in Rome. But the next April, his father went to Sicily to meet with my Italian dad. One day he messaged me, We have confirmation on who your father is.
After that, an aunt on my father's side found me on social media and started video-calling me. I don't speak Italian — I was at lunch, sitting in my car, and I thought, I can't answer this. I don't even know how we would communicate. I think she was just super excited.
I learned about my mom's relationship with my dad through conversations with my aunt. She had photo albums and sent me pictures of my dad and my mom on an Italian ship with the Italian flag in the back.
When she was younger, my mom had lived in Florida, and my dad had been an Italian soldier training in Jacksonville, though he was there for only a few months. He still has pictures of my mom and him together. After I was born, she wrote him a letter and told him about me, including my name, Kimberly Ann. He was all over the place once he left Jacksonville — back then, how would she have found him?
Then my mother met my stepfather. I think she just got into taking care of kids and moved on. My dad looked for me, but we'd moved too, so he was never able to find me.
I didn't hear his voice until September 2023; that was our first video chat, and everybody was on it: my aunt and uncle and he were together and had my other aunt on another phone, a different video chat. It was crazy.
In November, two of my three sons and I went to see the relatives in Sicily. When we got there, they were all in my dad's apartment, waiting. When I walked in, it was as if time were standing still. In seeing people who looked like me — with my hands, my eye color — I felt at home. Now I knew why I had curly hair!
His first words to me were, 'Where have you been?' One day we were out for a walk and my aunts were behind us, laughing because we were both walking with our right feet pointed inward. I feel as if my identity is concrete now. It was a lot to process, a lot of crying. My kids just think it's cool. Their father is Jamaican, so they're Jamaican, Italian, American — a hodgepodge of everything.
My father is a feisty little man who likes to joke. He's the king of Italian hand gestures. He drives a 1980s Panda at about 10 miles an hour. I'm his only child, as far as we know. My dad speaks English, but a lot of people in Italy don't, so thank goodness for translation apps. I've been trying to learn Italian. We went back last year, and I'm planning on going this year. It's as if we're trying to cram 50 years into a week.
He does not like my nose ring, but when he sees my face, he lights up like a Christmas tree. When we visit, he takes me around to see all his friends. I know it makes him so happy. He is just proud of me, proud that I'm in his life.
He's 81, so I don't know how long we'll have, and it's not as if he lives down the street. He's not on my birth certificate, so Italian citizenship is not something I can obtain; I would love to move there and spend an extended amount of time with him, but it doesn't seem possible. I struggle with that — what I missed out on culturally. My Italian relatives are very connected — everything is about family, and I never had that. What would my life have been like if I'd had this man around? He is loving and caring; my mom was a provider, but she was not a huggy, kissy, I-love-you–type of person. I struggle with her decision not to tell me about my father, because I could have been looking for him earlier had I known about him.
She was a strong woman to be able to do what she did on her own, but I had a right to know my history, and I'm so glad I finally do.
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