2 days ago
'I'm going to die at this rate': BTS' RM recalls struggling with insomnia and self-doubt during military service, Entertainment News
BTS' RM was discharged from his mandatory military service yesterday (June 10) and went on a couple of livestreams for his fans to celebrate, as is customary among K-pop idols.
He and fellow member V, who was also discharged yesterday, held a joint livestream but the 30-year-old also spoke solo with his fans, sharing candidly about some of the rough times he had in the military.
RM, whose real name is Kim Nam-joon, revealed on Weverse that he had a "hard time with sleep" for the first time in his life around April to May 2024, right around the time his label "had a lot of things going on".
That was around the time Hybe Corporation began to have disputes with the girl group NewJeans and the then-CEO of their sub-label Ador, Min Hee-jin.
"There were 20 people sleeping next to me [in the barracks], and they'd snore, grind their teeth, throw their pillows and drink their tea," RM explained. "So there was a time when I couldn't sleep a minute for two nights, about 70 to 78 hours."
He added that he thought "I'm going to die at this rate" because he had work to do in the day but he couldn't sleep, even though he felt tired.
As a result, RM had to take sleeping pills but felt the side effects from them.
He visited a psychiatrist and later found medication that suited him better, which he is still on over a year later. However, RM and his doctor hope to decrease his dosage soon.
"The problem is that my status as a soldier put a lot of psychological pressure on me," RM continued. "So, even now, I'm a little scared every night. The fact that I have to sleep is scary, and lying down and staying still for three or four hours is hell.
"So, even now, I'm really scared of the night."
🐨: To be honest I'm still scared of the night even now. I'm scared of the fact that I have to sleep. Lying down and being still for 3 to 4 hours is truly hell.
🐨: Hence even now I'm scared of the night. Also there were a lot of times when I came out on vacation, drank a lot and…
— 𝓪⁷ (@JlNSONYEONDAN) June 10, 2025
He also shared some of the self-doubts he had during his military service.
"I've accepted the fact that I'm sensitive," RM said.
"The thought I had the most while I was in the military was, 'Why are you so weak? You can only do this much. You're much stronger, you've been through so many things, so why are you suffering like this now?'"
He added that he even tried to "brainwash" and hype himself up, but it didn't work well, but that he is hoping to return to normal now.
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Following RM and V, BTS members Jungkook and Jimin were discharged today, with their final member Suga to be released on June 21.
They join Jin and J-Hope, who finished their military service in 2024, and are expected to reunite for a comeback this month.
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