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Chicago Tribune
2 days ago
- General
- Chicago Tribune
Column: A grieving dad opens up about his veteran son's death by suicide
'My son,' he told me, 'should be on that wall also.' At the same time, as I found out later when Waddell and I connected via phone, the longtime North Aurora resident, who retired to Wisconsin in 2006, also understands why former U.S. Army Master Sgt. Michael Waddell's name is not included on the Illinois Fallen Wall among those who gave their lives in service to this country since 9/11. Death by suicide is far more complex. Far too hard to categorize in terms of cause and effect. And there are far too many. Twenty-two a day has been a call-to-action statistic, although the most recent data from the 2024 National Veteran Suicide Prevention Annual Report (using 2022 numbers) puts it at 17.6 veterans committing suicide per day, which is significantly higher than among non-veteran adults. 'Can you imagine,' asked Waddell, 'how long a wall it would have to be to contain all of them?' And yes, when the Chris Patterson Memorial Foundation took over the Illinois Fallen Wall display a year ago, founder Bob Patterson – whose son, a West Aurora High School grad, was killed in 2012 in Afghanistan – noted some 'upset' feelings by loved ones grieving a suicide. But like Waddell, he noted, after some discussion they understood the reasoning behind the decision not to include those who took their own lives while in service or later. Still, the pain Waddell feels more than two years after his only child shot himself is palpable. It's a pain that needs acknowledging, as does his son's service to this country. After graduating in 1988 from West Aurora High School, Mike Waddell worked for a year in a warehouse, 'with no direction,' until his dad, a Marmion Academy graduate who worked for UPS, saw the names and addresses of those serving in the military printed in The Beacon-News, and encouraged his son to reach out to some and find out how they liked the experience. Because the feedback was positive, Mike enlisted in November of 1989, and spent the next 22 years in the U.S. Army, including two deployments in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom where, according to his father, he suffered traumatic brain injury when his vehicle hit an IED. The younger Waddell retired as a master sergeant in 2011 and worked for the Army Corps of Engineers until shortly before his death in Jacksonville, North Carolina, according to his father, but struggled with PTSD, which eventually impacted his personality and relationships. Suffering from those invisible wounds, Mike became more verbally abusive, self-medicating on weed and wine, said Ron Waddell, adding that while his son would call the V.A. when 'having a bad day,' he never sought counseling, even with loved ones begging him to get help. With his 30-year marriage crumbling around him, said the elder Waddell, Mike used a gun to take his own life on May 8, 2023. 'As a child, he literally passed out when getting a shot,' recalled the father. 'Imagine the mental anguish he was going through' to end his life in this way. 'Had his mother been alive,' he continued, referring to his wife Andi's death in 2014 after a long battle with cancer, 'it would have killed her.' Waddell described their son as a 'good kid … a funny guy when he was not the way he was in the end.' And he was an excellent soldier, his father noted, referring to the many military commendations he received, as well as a flood of personal accolades from peers following his death. 'Your son was a good man … one of the best non-commissioned officers I have ever worked with,' wrote a fellow soldier who served twice with Mike during his service. While Mike Waddell's career meant most of his adult years were long distance from his dad, he was buried with full military honors at Northwoods National Cemetery in Harshaw, Wisconsin, just 15 minutes from Ron's home. And that gives a still-grieving father tremendous comfort knowing his son is 'finally at peace.' 'I can't emphasize enough how impressed and proud I was of him,' he told me. 'I have so many memories, all good.'
Chicago Tribune
23-05-2025
- General
- Chicago Tribune
Column: Traveling memorial wall now in Oswego reminds us of hero faces behind the names
Say their names. You hear these three words a lot, including around Memorial Day when the country stops all its craziness to remember those who paid the ultimate price in defense of our freedoms. Still, sometimes words are not enough, especially to Gold Star families who worry that, particularly after they are gone, their loved one will no longer be remembered. That's why Bob and Mary Patterson of North Aurora started the Chris Patterson Foundation four years after their 20-year-old son was killed in action in Afghanistan on Jan. 2, 2012. Since then the foundation has raised over $35,000, with most of that money going to scholarships for Fox Valley graduates pursuing a career in the performing arts, as was Chris, a music major at Valparaiso University and a member of the Indiana National Guard who talked his commanders into including him, an ROTC cadet, when his unit was deployed. But to say their names is not the same as to see their faces, which is why the Illinois Patriot Guard Fallen Heroes Traveling Memorial Wall was created more than a decade ago as a way to connect more personally to the men and women behind the names. Unfortunately, Patterson told me, that original project was dismantled, literally and figuratively, and the wall became little more than 'rotting panels' stored inside of a barn. And so, a few years ago the Chris Patterson Foundation took it over, once more gathering the photos of all 253 men and women who have given their lives in service to this country since 9/11. It's a staggering number, especially when these pictures are all displayed in one area, as they are on the Illinois Fallen Wall now at Oswego Village Hall through June 6. Even more impactful is looking into the individual faces of these heroes, most of them painfully young, loved by their families and full of such potential for the future. Like 20-year-old U.S. Army Spc. Brian Romines from the tiny town of Simpson, who was killed June 6, 2005, in Baghdad, Iraq, when an explosive detonated near his vehicle, and whose photo, with a tear sliding down his face, is particularly haunting as a reminder of the sacrifices made and the pain left behind. Or 21-year-old Andrew Meari of Plainfield, whose mother nearly brought me to tears of my own when talking about her 'scary smart' only child, who went through three years of high school in four months and could speak multiple languages, including Arabic. The gifted young man, who wanted to be a soldier since age 4 after witnessing the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier at Arlington National Cemetery, joined the Army 15 years later, figuring it would also be a way to eventually go back to school to become an attorney. He was deployed to Afghanistan in May of 2010, and on Nov. 1 that year was killed by a suicide bomber on a motorcycle in the province of Kandahar. According to multiple news sources, he was trying to shield others in the unit from the blast when he took the full brunt of it. It was a sacrifice that did not go unnoticed by survivors. Pfc. Philip Wysocki, who received the Silver Star for his actions during the vicious attack that followed, later told Williams her son was the 'guardian angel protecting them from the incoming rounds as they protected his body.' And Felipe Pereira, who was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross for his heroics that day, honored him with his firstborn's middle name. Like all those in our area who made the ultimate sacrifice, Pfc. Andrew Meari did indeed come home a hero, with many medals, as well as his name on a stretch of Route 59 and a beautiful park in Plainfield. As grateful as she is for these memorials, as Williams points out, 'names have been on monuments from a thousand years ago, but how many do we remember? 'Every family's greatest fear is that their child will be forgotten after they are gone. Who will remember their smile … who they looked like?' she asked. 'Having their faces with their names gives us comfort knowing this is a strong visual connection people will carry away with them. 'When you see a face, you are looking at someone you grew up with or knew their family members at this age. It has a totally different impact,' she said, particularly when associated 'with the price of war.' For that reason, both these Gold Star parents encourage Fox Valley residents over the Memorial Day weekend to visit the Illinois Fallen Wall from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. in the lobby of Oswego Village Hall at 100 Parkers Mill in Oswego. By all means, also celebrate Memorial Day with happiness. Crack open a beer. Have fun at a family barbecue. 'And celebrate everything you have because it was paid for with the highest price,' insisted Williams. 'Those faces are the last vision in our minds at night and the first vision we see in the morning,' she added. 'They remind us all that America is worth fighting for,' even when 'the cost is unimaginable.'
