30-03-2025
Column: CHI BASE OPS group text is feeling ‘Giddey' over the start of a new baseball season
I was sitting in the parking lot of the Jewel-Osco on Friday morning when my iPhone started pinging madly.
Somehow I inadvertently had been added to an unknown group text string labeled CHI BASE OPS, along with two individuals with the initials JH and CG.
It seemed like a frank discussion of the upcoming Chicago baseball seasons for the Cubs and White Sox, but because I was unable to verify the authenticity of the group chat, I've decided to simply post the transcript and let the readers decide what is real and what's not.
11:45 a.m. TEAM UPDATE
JH: Yo. Are we clean?
CG: Clean. Just us, dude. Congrats on the domestic opener. Watched Bulls-Lakers on the antenna last night, but I heard you won.
JH: Giddey!
CG: Giddey!
JH: Congrats on yours. Anyone show up for the opener?
CG: (Redacted). Almost a sellout, man. And at least they watch the games down here, unlike a certain playground for the (redacted) that I know of. LOL.
JH: Whatever. So what's your new mission statement? The Impossible Dream 2.0 begins?
CG: Nah. Rebuild 101. Stole your Godfather's plan. Told the beat writers we wouldn't lose 122 this time. Hey, we're 1-0.
JH: Great plan. Done it a couple times. Godfather knows best.
CG: Honestly, I feel good. Great bunch. NO CRAZIES. No expectations. Our fans blame the Boss, not me. Stoked, dude.
JH: Seriously?
CG: Seriously. So what's your mission statement?
JH: Going with the 'Playoffs or Bust' thing from 2021. Marketing wanted the 'We Didn't Come Here for a Haircut' campaign from '16, but that didn't test well with Gen Z.
CG: Figures. (Redacted) kids.
JH: True. But I feel good too. We'll do it. And if not, someone you see at your favorite Winnetka Starbucks may soon be asking you for a little spare change for a Caramel Macchiato with soy milk.
CG: You'll get a nice tribute video though.
JH: 100 percent emoji. But if we make it, they gotta stay the course. Four more years of The Plan, right?
CG: Confirmed. Sounds like The Plan is a plan for life. You're my idle, dude.
CG: Idol. Sorry. Spellcheck.
JH: Appreciate you. Come over to the mansion sometime, maybe watch a Bulls play-in game in the Executive Man Cave.
CG: You got the antenna?
JH: Dude, I got THREE RINGS. I don't need to watch sports on a stinking antenna.
TE: Hey, guys, please take me off this group chat. Been gone five freaking years now. Not cool.
JH: Sorry, Godfather. Forgot you retired.
CG: Sorry. Removed.
JH: We clean?
CG: Clean. What's he doing now since the pitch clock anyways?
JH: Beats me. How's your brackets?
CG: (Redacted). And yours?
JH: Not bad. Still got Duke. Fingers crossed emoji.
CG: I still got the Bulls, as long as the antenna works.
JH: Giddey!
CG: Giddey!
AK: Giddey!
JH: AK? Wrong group chat, dude. This is Baseball Ops only.
AK: Oh, sorry. Goodbye, fellows.
JH: See ya, AK.
JH: Removed. Clean?
CG: Clean.
JH: Yo, are you sure this app is encrypted?
CG: Yeah, our analytics department checked it out. We're so encrypted its like we're talking under the Cone of Silence.
JH: OK.
CG: Jet lag gone?
JH: Haven't slept in two weeks, man.
CG: Yeah, that's a long flight, dude.
JH: Not the flight. Just my Seasonal Bullpen Anxiety Disorder. Happens every spring around roster decision time.
CG: Oh, SBAD? That's a nightmare. Stay hydrated, and avoid the fourth estate types at all costs.
JH: 100 percent emoji. Been on a CHARM OFFENSIVE all spring. They bought it. LOL. Fire emoji.
CG: The Godfather taught you well.
JH: Confirmed. How's the milkshake business looking?
CG: Great. Selling our ballpark as a foodie destination where baseball is also played. A brilliant idea. I think it could work. Who knows? We can't just open the doors and watch the tourists pour in like you (redacted).
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The Celebration Cake Shake, which contains birthday cake ice cream, confetti cake, a pinwheel cookie and a maraschino cherry, is displayed by the Chicago White Sox at Rate Field on Wednesday, March 19, 2025. This new shake will be offered at the Topo Chico Hard Seltzer Cantina. (Eileen T. Meslar/Chicago Tribune)
JH: We're turning our bleachers into a giant, bro-friendly patio party where baseball also is played. Even you guys would draw 3 million here if you moved north. Rooftops will be packed too. It's all a carnival, man.
CG: Who needs that? We got EZ Out parking for everyone, no lines except for the milkshake concession. It's baseball heaven.
JH: Sure. Boss treating you OK?
CG: Yeah, he can't blame me. I just got here.
JH: Ha. You've been working there for what, like 10 years?
CG: Nine. But only the last one was my own team. I deserve a mulligan. LOL.
JH: Fire emoji. Fire emoji. Fire emoji.
CG: You safe, man?
JH: Hopefully. I can only spend what they give me, right? We're not the Evil Empire.
CG: Spend? What does this word 'spend' mean?
JH: Sorry. Too soon?
CG: If worst comes to worst, you can always come work for me. I've got an opening for an assistant to the assistant. We can carpool it together down the Edens.
JH: Dude, you know I don't go south of the United Center.
CG: (Redacted) North Shore (redacted).
JH: Got a meeting. See you down the road at our favorite Starbucks. Later, dude.
CG: You're buying next time.
JH: I'll expense it. LOL.
CG: Giddey!
JH: Giddey!
AK: Giddey!
JH: AK, delete this app, dude.
