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Katz Tales: The lap war of Commander Tux
Katz Tales: The lap war of Commander Tux

The Star

time3 days ago

  • Entertainment
  • The Star

Katz Tales: The lap war of Commander Tux

Tuxie cats are the epitome of cool, with a reputation for swagger, intelligence and boldness; they are the James Bonds of the cat world. Inkie has the smarts. His black overcoat shines as if polished and his white shirt front is immaculate. He is also super clever. But Inkie is not a bold cat. Rather than pile in like Bond, Inkie plots each small step with the cunning of a furry chess master. What makes Inkie successful is his determination. Once committed, Inkie does not give up. When he decided he wanted to be besties with Target, Inkie spent months inching closer and closer to the old cat. At first Target moved away. When fed up, he grumbled. Inkie took a few smacks on the nose too. But Inkie kept at it. When we moved, and Target sat in a heated cat cave so he could get used to British weather, Inkie was right there with him. Eventually, Target gave in. Today Inkie just strolls into a room, sees the old cat and curls up around him. Target sighs sometimes but he licks the junior cat on the ear. Because Inkie may be a bit of a pest sometimes, but he has a loving heart. Recently, Inkie has set his sights on a new goal: more lap time with me. Unfortunately, this has led to our quarrelling. I should say that I love lap time. There is nothing nicer than having a furry snuggle and purr. Tic Tac isn't a cuddler but Target spends hours in my lap. He lies down, and dissolves into a puddle of purrs as I rub his ears, chin, back and tummy. Inkie is different. He loves to have his ears and chin rubbed, but he stamps on your knees, turning and twisting the entire time. It's cute and the loud purrs signal his joy. The cat loves his lap time. New strategies However, Inkie is big boy, weighing in at 6kg, as much as Target and Tic Tac put together. Our furry heavyweight's knee-bouncing bouts were all fun and games – until my back tapped out last months, even the weight of feather-light Tic Tac stepping on my lap was agony. Dostoevsky could not describe the deprivation the cats suffered when denied lap time. Target tried to be philosophical but Inkie was devastated. Thinking it over, we leveraged the principle of load distribution: to shift Inkie's weight away from four heavy paws we might use a pillow to spread it consistently across my lap. We treated ourselves to hotel sized pillows stuffed with feathers and down last year. They are oversized, super comfy clouds of soft luxury, and perfectly suited to the job. When I put one on my lap, Inkie's bulk didn't register. The cats thoroughly approved the innovation, seeing it as a proper homage to their importance. Even Tic Tac sat on me for several minutes, preening like a furry beauty queen. While it solved downstairs lap time, it didn't help with office lap time. For the first few hours in the morning, I move as if I'm 100 years old. It's annoying but I get by. I see my clients as usual, but before lunch I am too tender to cuddle. Also, I can't work with a pillow on my lap. Inkie does not accept this. He wants to come and go, sitting on my lap for a quick ear rub between playing with Tic Tac or snoozing with Target. At first he tried to bulldoze me by jumping on my desk and diving into my lap. Inkie sitting happily on his furry throne. A cunning champion While Inkie is smart, sudden noises worry him. He hides when there's a knock on the front door and ducks when my phone rings. Even a bird fluttering by the window startles him. So when he pounced too early in the day, I yelped in pain and he would meow in horror before fleeing. Poor Inkie didn't understand. Worse, he decided that persistence was the way forward. While I understood and tried to be patient, being hurt repeatedly got to me. I was apologising to him for yelling when I remembered a History Channel programme describing how Julius Caesar won the Siege of of hurling troops against a fortified camp, he built ditches and traps, weaponising the terrain. Moving my speakers to the edge of the desk created a barrier. It really was that simple. The next day Inkie strolled in, he spotted the speakers and paused. Being cunning, Inkie circled the office. He took in the bookshelves behind my chair and pondered. Then, moving up like a furry Everest climber, he stepped onto the armrest and put a tentative paw on my lap. It's made all the difference. When I'm okay, I let him climb onto my lap. When I'm not, I keep my arms down and block him. As there is no yelling, Inkie is no longer bothered by knockbacks. He just keeps going, inching his way to his goal. Also, as I'm improving, he will soon be able to get his way all the time. Which is how it should be.

Katz Tales: Cat vs bird – the great garden showdown
Katz Tales: Cat vs bird – the great garden showdown

The Star

time11-05-2025

  • Climate
  • The Star

Katz Tales: Cat vs bird – the great garden showdown

Spring has arrived! The sun is shining, the skies are blue and Tic Tac is meowing impatiently while I fumble with her harness. It's only 18°C and there is a breeze but now that we've acclimatised to England and become part polar bear, we consider it high summer. Throughout the cold months, Tic Tac has occupied her sun shelf, a lovely warm space behind a thick window where she stretches out in the rays and keeps an eye on the garden. She's kept an eye on the doves that are nesting in the tree, the robins that visit, and the blackbirds that are living in the hedge over our wall, but it's not the same as going out and about in person. So when I picked up her harness earlier this week for our first walk of the year, Tic Tac purred so hard that she vibrated. I opened the door and Tic Tac stood on the step, her pretty nose in the air, snuffing up the scents of spring. Now, our girl is ace at seeing in the dark but her eyesight is not as good as it might be in bright sunlight. It always takes her a moment to adjust when she moves between shade and sun. So, after a careful pause, we made straight for the flowerbed. Back in October, we went overboard because we stuffed our small garden with 300 tulip and bluebell bulbs. They burst out in full a few weeks ago, but this was the first time it was warm enough for us to be out and enjoy them in person. Tic Tac loved it. She nibbled the long grass and then danced through the jam-packed flowerbeds, totally ignoring the gorgeous blooms and focusing entirely on the buzzing bustling bugs. As the slender flowers swayed, attracting butterflies, honey and bumble bees, Tic Tac stiffened and reached with busy paws. She made a solid effort to catch them but with me subtly interfering, she had the joy of stalking without the reward of the catch. Tic Tac loves her magnolia tree. To her favourite tree Having had her fill of chasing fat bee bottoms, Tic Tac made her way to her favourite tree: the magnolia. She loves scratching its firm fine trunk. Also, when she does her white tiger act, the low branches rock, releasing clouds of perfume. After Tic Tac sharpened her claws, she checked out the tree, looking for the doves. Thankfully, they were out. But as she hopped onto the driftwood bench, our resident male blackbird arrived. He and his wife treat our place like a supermarket, flying in and out all day long, gathering sticks, worms and bugs. Tic Tac has watched this pair all winter, so when she spotted the visitor, our girl's eyes narrowed. The bird spotted her, and he froze in place. Strolling through the flower bed. I am certain the little bird recognised Tic Tac and not just from seeing her at the windows. All winter I have dumped clumps of Inkie, Target and Tic Tac outside because cat hair is excellent for insulating nests. So there he was, staring at the plush white fur in person. As Tic Tac stared, the little bird unleashed a raft of tweets and chucks, warning his mate that there was a big evil cat interloper in their garden. Tic Tac may not speak blackbird but she knows an insult when she hears one. Our princess drew herself up in outrage and squawked back at him. When the bird flapped his wings insolently, Tic Tac stood up and calculated distance, angle, trajectory and speed, determined to have a go at it. However, it could not be done. The bench was too far away, even for our agile Tic Tac. Accepting the inevitable, our princess parked her bum, quivering with rage. The bird knew it and he cheeped derisively. And off he flew On her sun shelf. The standoff accepted, the two of them trash-talked at the tops of their voices for a solid two minutes. Then, with a loud shriek, he raised his wings, she raised her chin – and then he flew off, in a determinedly casual manner. Tic Tac smoothed down her fur, jumped off the bench, and went inside. Thankfully, Inkie was waiting. Inkie is a bit jealous of Tic Tac's walks but he is far too much of a scaredy-cat to go outside himself, so he lives vicariously. Our junior boy snuffed her fur, eyes huge with admiration and licked her ears. Soothed, Tic Tac jumped up on her sun shelf. She's sitting there now, plotting her next move and fantasising about a future when the cheeky bird doesn't get the worm, but a well-deserved pounce.

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