2 days ago
- Health
- The Herald Scotland
When a Glasgow teacher gives a young scholar dietary advice...
A Glasgow English teacher decided to give one of her young scholars dietary advice, and warned the youngster: 'If you don't eat veggies, you'll get scurvy.'
'Who's Scurvy?' replied the suspicious kid. 'Why's he coming at me?'
Grinderman
Yesterday morning reader Phil Hazelton was up bright and early, and eager to schlurp a black coffee in his local Costa.
Why he was up so early we won't bother to explain, because it has no bearing on the story.
What is important to our narrative, however, is what Phil spotted while queuing for his java jolt… the café was selling chewing gum.
And not just any chewing gum. This was a product called Milliways Plastic Free Gum, which gave our reader pause for thought.
'I've heard of sugar-free gum,' he concedes, 'but never plastic free.'
Drawing the inevitable conclusion, Phil says: 'Does this mean that all the other gum I've chewed over the years was packed with plastic? Have I been naively noshing reconstituted Lego bricks?!'
Adds Phil: 'No wonder my teeth are in a piteous state. Obviously nothing to do with all the chocolate I've been munching…'
Read more: Titillating tome may prove as controversial as Lady Chatterley's Mollusc
Age-appropriate material
Cafe culture, continued.
Samantha Cushing was enjoying a cuppa in a Glasgow cafeteria when she overheard a proud father discussing his young daughter with a pal.
At one point the bloke said: 'Just the other day she said to me, 'I'm four now, and I'm going to do four-year-old things.'
'And d'you know what? The next moment I saw her running. And I thought, she IS running like a four year old. She really was!'
(The Diary will leave it up to the perambulatory experts amongst our readership to decide whether a four year old runs in a particular fashion, specific to themselves. Though we have a lurking suspicion that it isn't very different from how a 3-and-¾ year old runs...)
Burnt offering
Inquisitive reader Alex Hale says: 'Did you know a candle flame smells exactly like burnt nose hair?'
Flight of fancy
Enjoying a stroll with his grandson in Rouken Glen Park, reader Roger Burns passed a teenager flying a kite.
'What's that?!' asked Roger's grandson, clearly confused by the strange spectacle.
'That,' said Roger, 'is an early version of TikTok. How you kept kids quiet in the good old days.'
Hard-hitting story
A tragic occurrence.
'My gran died on her 97th birthday,' sobs reader Jennifer Barnett. 'And we were only halfway through giving her the bumps...'
