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New York Times
3 days ago
- Entertainment
- New York Times
Late Night Mines Laughs From Trump's Outlandish Biden Replacement Theory
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night's highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. Joe-boCop? On Saturday night, President Trump amplified a conspiracy theory on social media about former President Joe Biden that posited falsely that the former president had been replaced by a robot clone. While mindful to note that this was likely meant 'to distract us,' as Jon Stewart said on 'The Daily Show,' late night hosts couldn't help but tackle the topic like the sci-fi movie it needs to be — with incredulity. 'You're saying that the Joe Biden who doesn't even know where he is, is actually an incredibly advanced cloned robot? How much ketamine are you on?' — JON STEWART 'You can't be a robot and a clone, OK?' — STEPHEN COLBERT 'How is this not on the front page of everything? The president of the United States is spreading deranged stories about his predecessor being a robot.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'It was a perfect plan with only one flaw: The Joe Bot couldn't recognize George Clooney.' — STEPHEN COLBERT 'Hey, Republicans. Remember when you were very concerned Joe might not have the mental acuity to be president? Come get your guy, because he thinks Biden was executed and replaced by a clone, a 'robotic clone.' I mean, if your dad was saying stuff like this, you'd start looking for an assisted-living facility.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'The media needs to stop being polite when they report this stuff. This is the headline from NBC: 'Trump Shares Unfounded Conspiracy Theory Claiming Biden Was 'Executed' in 2020.' Never mind 'unfounded,' this is not even a theory. That headline should be 'Convicted Felon Posts Insane Fairy Tale About Cancer Patient While Constipated on Toilet.'' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'And, by the way, whoever built that Joe Biden robot is very bad at building robots. I mean, if anyone was replaced by a robotic clone, it's Melania, right?' — JIMMY KIMMEL The Punchiest Punchlines (Side Effects Edition) 'Trump was effusive in his praise for Musk. He thanked him for working 'tirelessly.' Well, yeah, of course he was working tirelessly. They say he was gobbling down 20 different kinds of uppers every day when he was there.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'Over the weekend, The New York Times published a crazy story about Elon Musk, claiming, among other things, that he was taking ecstasy, psychedelic mushrooms, pills believed to be Adderall, and so much ketamine it was affecting his bladder control, which is a delightful detail. Between him and Trump, that Oval Office has got to smell like an abandoned nursing home.' — JIMMY KIMMEL Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
New York Times
12-03-2025
- Business
- New York Times
Jimmy Kimmel Slams Trump's Skills of Shill for Tesla
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night's highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now . Tesla's stock has been plunging, so much so that Jimmy Kimmel thinks Elon Musk 'may have to fire himself.' But Musk got a boost from President Trump, who promised to buy a Tesla and had some brought to the White House on Tuesday. 'The guy has spent the entire campaign screaming about how awful electric cars are, is now buying an electric car. Of course, there's no chance he will actually pay for this electric car. But why should he, when he did a big commercial for them today, absolutely free?' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'I remember the time he saved Party City by buying a kazoo — it was heroic.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'I would imagine they probably don't even have a place to charge it at the White — maybe he'll make little Marco run on a hamster wheel.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'Watching Donald Trump check out a Tesla — it was like watching a monkey with an iPad.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'He had them line up five Teslas on the White House driveway so Trump and Elon could shoot a car commercial on government property.' — STEPHEN COLBERT 'He's finally turned into the used-car salesman we all knew he was all along.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'Just the idea that we all now have to dig deep to help the richest man in the world who's down to his last $324 billion sell cars is preposterous.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'There's a silver lining on the implosion of the world economy — it's bad for Elon Musk, too.' — STEPHEN COLBERT 'Right now the economy is so bad, Elon Musk is thinking about laying off Donald Trump.' — JIMMY FALLON 'Yesterday alone, Musk lost more than $16 billion. Wow! Wow! To put that in perspective, that's more than some people make in a year.' — STEPHEN COLBERT 'Tesla stock has plummeted 50 percent since December, and there's a good reason for that. It's a phenomenon economists call 'Everybody [expletive] hates that guy.'' — STEPHEN COLBERT Sting and Shaggy pulled from their most popular lyrics to sing about the economy on Tuesday's 'The Tonight Show.' The 'White Lotus' star Parker Posey will chat with Seth Meyers on Wednesday's 'Late Night.' In 'Long Bright River,' Amanda Seyfried plays a Philadelphia police officer who investigates the murders of vulnerable young women. Credit... David Holloway/Peacock
New York Times
05-03-2025
- Entertainment
- New York Times
Late Night Is Underwhelmed by Trump's Address to Congress
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night's highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. 'The White POTUS' President Trump addressed a joint session of Congress on Tuesday night. Jimmy Kimmel called it 'a very special episode of 'The White POTUS.'' 'His speech started late. I guess they were waiting for that last coat of shellac to dry on his face.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'Members of the Trump family were there: Eric was there, Lara, Don Jr., Jared, Ivanka, even Melania showed up. So Democrats weren't the only people who hate him there.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'Things got off to a big start when Trump and JD Vance held hands and sang a medley from 'Wicked.'' — JIMMY FALLON 'He laid out his MAGA-genda for the next four years. They include wildly unpopular tariffs, abandoning our allies, buddying up to Russia, tax cuts for the rich and turning Gaza into Atlantic City — all the reasons blue-collar America voted for this man.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'Trump said our momentum is back, our spirit is back, our pride is back. And not the gay kind, either: the regular pride.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'What he's talking about, I have no idea. The stock market's down, consumer confidence is down, the dollar is down. The only things that are high are egg prices and Elon Musk.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'In the end, Trump's first address to Congress was much like his first six weeks: filled with useful lies, and applauded by useless idiots.' — STEPHEN COLBERT 'He told our farmers to have a lot of fun and said the days of unelected bureaucrats are over, with Elon standing right there clapping like an imbecile. Yay for unelected bureaucrats.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'And the days of rule by unelected billionaires have just begun. Elon! Take a bow, Elon! You paid for it.' — STEPHEN COLBERT 'It was quite a night. There were about 400 people in attendance — 300 were members of Congress, and 100 were Elon's kids.' — JIMMY FALLON 'Yeah, the night was pretty much a welcome back party for Trump, Republicans and measles.' — JIMMY FALLON The Punchiest Punchlines (Bad Neighbor Edition) Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
New York Times
27-02-2025
- Entertainment
- New York Times
Desi Lydic: Trump Just ‘Put a Cover Charge on America'
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night's highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. Putting a Cover Charge on America President Donald Trump announced his new 'gold card' program on Tuesday, which would price American citizenship at $5 million. 'Oh, green card privileges plus. See, I was still getting America with ads,' Desi Lydic said on Wednesday's 'Daily Show.' 'Quick question: If I'm unhappy with America, can I cancel my subscription after seven days?' — DESI LYDIC 'Did this guy just put a cover charge on America? It's $5 million to get in, but he'll waive it if you bring in three hot girls with you.' — DESI LYDIC 'I mean, I guess it beats the old way of becoming a citizen, which was to marry Donald Trump, but still.' — DESI LYDIC 'I feel like immigrant stories are going to be a lot less inspiring in the future: 'My grandfather came to this country with nothing but $5 million and the clothes in his custom Louis Vuitton five-piece trunk set.'' — DESI LYDIC The Punchiest Punchlines (Land of $5 Million Citizenship Edition) 'One group that Trump embraced in the last 24 hours is immigrants. Well, rich ones, because yesterday, Trump announced he's going to offer gold card visas for $5 million to rich foreigners, echoing the eternal words on the Statue of Liberty: 'Give me your tired, your poor — psych! Gimme 5 million bucks, [expletive]! We buyin' bottles in the clurb.'' — STEPHEN COLBERT 'What a good idea. I've always said our immigration system should run more like the customer rewards program at a casino in Atlantic City.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'This is basically what he does at Mar-a-Lago. He's selling memberships to a country club, but this club is actually our country.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'The land of the free, and by 'free,' I mean, five million bucks.' — JIMMY KIMMEL The Bits Worth Watching Stephen Colbert asked Wednesday night's 'Late Show' guest Guy Fieri how he thought he'd fare as a contestant on his own reality cooking competition, 'Tournament of Champions.' What We're Excited About on Thursday Night Bob the Drag Queen will appear on Thursday's 'After Midnight.' Also, Check This Out A reel-to-reel recording of a 20-year-old Bob Dylan performing a six-song set at a Manhattan coffeehouse in 1961 is now up for auction.
New York Times
14-02-2025
- Entertainment
- New York Times
Late Night Braces for the Reign of R.F.K. Jr., Health Czar
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night's highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. Bobby Brainworm On Thursday, the Senate confirmed Robert Kennedy Jr., known to late night viewers for his vaccine skepticism and strange encounters with animals, as the secretary of health and human services. Jimmy Kimmel urged Americans not to worry about the rise of measles now that 'Bobby Brainworm is on the job.' 'Mitch McConnell was the only Republican to vote no. Mitch McConnell is 82 years old. He survived polio as a kid, and thanks to R.F.K. Jr, polio might get another run at him.' — JIMMY KIMMEL After being confirmed, Kennedy Jr. proceeded to the Oval Office 'to be sworn in and to suck up,' Kimmel said. The new head of health and human services described President Trump as a 'man on a white horse' sent by God. 'Next, God is going to send us diphtheria.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'Melania couldn't turn him on like that the first night they met. But happy Valentine's Day to Don and Bob.' — JIMMY KIMMEL The Punchiest Punchlines (OMG Edition) 'The Senate today confirmed Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as secretary of health and human services. He was actually Trump's second choice, but the Wuhan bat withdrew his nomination.' — SETH MEYERS 'R.F.K. Jr. is now in charge of the F.D.A., N.I.H. and C.D.C., to which Americans said, 'OMG,' 'WTF' and 'FML.'' — JIMMY FALLON 'They said it couldn't be done. Excuse me, they said it shouldn't be done.' — JORDAN KLEPPER 'But now it has happened, so you can now add 'employment' to the list of things he's tested positive for.' — JORDAN KLEPPER The Bits Worth Watching The filmmaker Brady Corbet discussed his Oscar-nominated move 'The Brutalist' on 'The Daily Show.' Also, Check This Out Questlove details Sly Stone's life, career and musical legacy in a new documentary, 'Sly Lives! (aka the Burden of Black Genius).'
