08-05-2025
How to talk to your child about Auckland's kidnapping attempts
'We want children to have that knowledge to feel calmly confident in how to spot tricky behaviour, spot unsafe behaviour but also to have confidence that the world is mostly made up of safe people and helpers,' says clinical psychologist and mother of three Jacqui Maguire in an interview with RNZ's Nine to Noon.
Here are her tips and tricks in addressing stranger danger with your kids in a safe way.
Maguire began age-appropriate conversations with her kids from around the age of 4. Those conversations should always be age-appropriate, and parents should project an atmosphere of calm and authority.
'Emotions are contagious, so the manner in which my husband and I have those conversations is really important. We don't want to breed anxiety and fear into the world.'
Keeping the conversations G-rated can be difficult with the adult nature of the topic. Maguire uses simple phrasing to help children spot unsafe behaviour in adults they know or don't know.
'If an adult ever asks you to keep a secret, if an adult ever shows you a picture that makes you feel uncomfortable, if an adult ever shows you someone else's body, if an adult ever asks to see your body, if an adult ever asks you to come just with them and to not tell mum or dad or other adults, if any of that happens, what do you do?'
Maguire encourages kids to trust the 'yucky' feeling in their stomachs if an adult, older child or teenager is making them feel uncomfortable. In those instances, all kids have to remember is to say no, leave the person's space and go tell a safe adult.
It's worth outlining what a safe adult could be. It might be someone such as another parent they know, a librarian or someone in a uniform.
Maguire says this phrase can also help kids out in less dangerous situations, such as when another child is kidnapping them at preschool.
One day, during a bush walk, Maguire was having a conversation about stranger danger with her kids, so she took the chance to do some role plays. Despite the bleak subject, she made it fun.
She described a scenario to them of someone stopping a car next to them and saying, 'hey, look I have all these yummy lollies from the dairy do you want them?'.
'And I got them to put their hands up and say, 'no, thank you' and run away, and so they practised that.'
Having such discussions in an informal setting – not like a sit-down family meeting at the dinner table – helps kids not feel like they are in trouble.
'It is just about me supporting you to be safe and be wise as you grow up.'
As jarring as stories about alleged abduction attempts are, parents need to remember where the most likely danger is coming from. About 90% of child abuse instances are perpetrated by an adult known to the child, according to the Department of Corrections.
Often, shame or threats from an offending adult can intimidate a child into keeping silent about a known adult's inappropriate behaviour. Pre-emptively let your child know that they will not get in trouble if they disclose somebody they feel is threatening or unsafe.
''I will always take your side. I will always believe you. Even if it was my best friend, an uncle, the neighbour, your voice will always be heard first,'' says Maguire, of what to tell kids.
