2 days ago
The five signs you have low emotional intelligence - including not asking enough questions
A licensed therapist has revealed the five tell-tale signs that show whether someone has low emotional intelligence.
California-based therapist Jeffrey Meltzer delivers mental health tips and information to his combined more than one million followers on TikTok and Instagram.
Taking to TikTok, Jeffrey shared the behaviours that most obviously indicate whether or not someone is emotionally immature - and they are more common than expected.
The first sign that someone is not emotionally intelligent is if they are constantly in feuds.
'People with low emotional intelligence seem to always be in a conflict with someone,' said Jeffrey.
'Be it with work, in friendships or with family - it's not bad luck. It's usually because they don't know how to communicate without escalating things.'
Next on the list of traits is if someone makes everything about themselves, not asking questions and having a reciprocal conversation.
'You share something, and somehow they're talking about themselves again,' said Jeffrey.
'Conversations turn into monologues, not because they're self-centred but because they never learned how to have a truly reciprocal exchange.'
If someone reacts instead of reflecting, they may lack emotional smarts, Jeffrey said of the third item on his list.
'They lash out, shut down, get cold or passive aggressive without pausing to consider what's actually going on inside,' Jeffrey explained.
Emotional intelligence requires self-awareness, Jeffrey said, and when that's missing reactions come fast, harsh and often do damage.
Number four is when they double down on mistakes, and justify their actions when they have behaved badly.
'Instead of apologising or admitting they were wrong, they rationalise, deflect or shift blame,' Jeffrey said.
'It's not because they don't know the truth, it's because protecting their ego feels more important than making things right.'
The final sign is if they constantly cross emotional boundaries, by oversharing when it's not appropriate and dumping emotions on you without asking.
'Or, they pressure you to open up before you're ready,' Jeffrey continued. 'It's not a deep connection, it's a lack of emotional regulation.'
When someone has low emotional intelligence, it can have serious impacts on the health and longevity of a relationship.
Relationship and positive psychology coach Elle Mace, from London, previously revealed the signs that someone might be emotionally unavailable.
Elle said there are questions you can ask yourself to determine whether your partner is being emotionally unavailable.
'Can you share your personal thoughts and feelings with them, do you know how they are feeling, do you feel supported and comfortable opening up, can you meet halfway with decisions?' she asked.
'If the answer is no these then perhaps they are emotionally unavailable,' she added.
The expert added there are several reasons why someone could struggle to show their emotions.
'It could be that they don't feel safe expressing their emotions especially if they were not taught or felt comfortable showing emotions as a child,' Elle said.
'For example, if a child is told to stop crying then as an adult they may not feel it is ok to cry or that it's silly to cry therefore will be in fear that if they cry they may be shut down again,' she added.
And a partner might act distant if they are afraid of rejection or of being ridiculed.
Elle said that's because 'they have experienced rejection or getting hurt in the past when they have shown their complete self so it is a coping mechanism to get them safe.'
Meanwhile, Barbara added that people who are emotionally unavoidable tend to monopolise the conversation.
'These people talk excessively about themselves and never ask about your feelings or thoughts for various reasons, such as fear of vulnerability and emotional intimacy, empathy deficits, or low emotional intelligence.
'This means they talk about themselves excessively and never ask about your feelings or thoughts,' she said.
Taking over the conversation also always them to avoid deep and meaningful conversations, which could bring you closer.
'This makes them protect themselves from being hurt emotionally. Another reason is they get uncomfortable talking about their emotions,' she said.
