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Winnipeg Free Press

Reflections on pregnancy, labour and parenting for Mother's Day

Becoming a mother can be magical. It can also be painful — physically and emotionally. Ahead of Mother's Day on Sunday, the Free Press sat down with a group of new moms (and their children) for a wide-ranging conversation about pregnancy, labour and the expectations of motherhood. The women we spoke with are participants of Healthy Start, a local non-profit that runs drop-in pregnancy and parenting programs across Winnipeg. We met at the organization's colourful Osborne-area headquarters and gathered in a circle around a blue playmat, where their babies took turns playing and dozing, feeding and fussing. As the discussion flowed from epidurals to postpartum challenges, the women took turns nodding in shared recognition. Their birth stories — all of which include challenging, but not uncommon experiences — offer realistic alternatives to the glossy depictions of motherhood presented online and in Mother's Day marketing campaigns. Ruth Bonneville / Free Press Johsa Manzanilla with her second child Jürgen. Ruth Bonneville / Free Press Johsa Manzanilla with her second child Jürgen. Jürgen made Johsa Manzanilla, 39, a mom for the second time last August. Her first baby, Wolfgang, was born on Nov. 20, 2022, and died shortly after delivery from a health condition diagnosed in utero. Pamela Djouka, 29, is a newcomer and a single parent. Originally from France, she went into labour with her second child, two-month-old Raphaël, shortly after moving to Winnipeg, where her brother lives. Lauren Chance, 41, conceived nine-month-old Rusty after two rounds of in vitro fertilization. She had an easy pregnancy, but developed postpartum preeclampsia — a rare condition caused by high blood pressure — and was readmitted to the hospital. Claudia Camino, 33, moved to Winnipeg from Ecuador with her husband two years ago. Three months ago, the couple welcomed their first child, Gabriel, far away from family. Pamela: I think one can be prepared at 100 per cent, but still not anticipate everything. Ruth Bonneville / Free Press Pamela Djouka, originally from France, with her two-month-old son Raphaël. Ruth Bonneville / Free Press Pamela Djouka, originally from France, with her two-month-old son Raphaël. I didn't want a (caesarean) section. When the doctor came he explained that, for the baby's safety they were proposing a C-section. I had less than an hour to forget about giving birth naturally. Many things were passing through my head. I had a difficult pregnancy, I was always asking myself, 'Will you make it to the end?' But when he started crying, I was crying for joy now. The most important thing is him being here and healthy, so I don't regret anything. Johsa: (Wolfgang's birth) was surprisingly fast. Nothing was really happening, so they decided to induce me at 10 p.m. — the timeline is important. At 11:30 p.m., I felt my first contraction. He was born at 1:07 a.m. I had zero pain meds, I didn't even take a single Tylenol, so I felt everything. And that was kind of a gift too because I was there his entire life and I saw it all. (My pregnancies) were both positive. There's a sad outcome for the first, but considering everything, I didn't think I was gonna meet Wolfgang alive. Maybe to some that might be a weird thing to hear, but I got to be there his whole life and I'm very grateful for that. Claudia: A C-section was not on my birth plan, but this boy, he did not want to come out. At 41 weeks, he was still very comfy. Time kept passing, I was not dilating at all. I had never felt this pain in my life. We told the doctor we wanted to do a C-section and then everything went really fast. All the nurses were really helpful, they were holding my hands and I felt really good. But after, all the regrets. I was crying all the time. I was super depressed. It's this natural thing, everyone can do it — why couldn't I? I started to have a lot of guilt. I went to therapy and that was really helpful. Lauren: Going in for a C-section, I was prepared for a difficult surgery or a difficult recovery, but it didn't cross my mind that this other, very rare, medical condition could happen. Ruth Bonneville / Free Press Lauren Chance's son Rusty playing within the circle of moms during discussion time. Ruth Bonneville / Free Press Lauren Chance's son Rusty playing within the circle of moms during discussion time. Before you have a baby, you have a lot of really close prenatal care, a lot of people checking on your health. After, you're more focused on your baby, figuring out how to be a mom for the first time, eating, sleeping — or not sleeping — and the dangerous thing about what happened to me was that the only symptom I had was swollen feet. What might've happened if I had just written it off as swollen legs? I'm so glad I followed my intuition. Pamela: I managed almost all on my own. I was distant from my family and I didn't have a partner, so seeing people be well-surrounded, I had to (remind myself), that it's just social media and you don't know what's going on behind doors. Johsa: I don't have social media, so I think that protected me a bit. That being said, I would go to the forums that you should never actually read when you're pregnant and I would be doomscrolling at, like, 3:30 a.m., reading all these different posts about 'This is what happened to me,' but it's not necessarily what might happen to me. Ruth Bonneville / Free Press Claudia Camino with her first child, three-month-old Gabriel. Ruth Bonneville / Free Press Claudia Camino with her first child, three-month-old Gabriel. Claudia: During postpartum, I was really vulnerable, so I had to stop watching social media because I was following some baby pages. At the beginning I was struggling with breastfeeding and then you see women with a lot of milk and that was not helping at all. Lauren: There's a lot of good research-based accounts and people who are very supportive of a range of birth experiences people can have, but I agree there are also accounts out there that promote this really harmful idea that if you prepare enough or if you do this class or that technique, then you are going to have a quote-unquote ideal birth, which is different for everyone. There can be a lot of shame around things like needing a C-section or choosing a C-section, even though it's so common and so necessary. Claudia: I worked with a doula I found here in Winnipeg, a Latin doula. And we've had a (mothers') group since I was six weeks pregnant. We share a lot of information. I also read the book What to Expect When You're Expecting; it was really helpful. Ruth Bonneville / Free Press Lauren Chance, 41, conceived Rusty after two rounds of in vitro fertilization. Ruth Bonneville / Free Press Lauren Chance, 41, conceived Rusty after two rounds of in vitro fertilization. Lauren: We did a birth prep course and we had doulas; that were really great. They walked us through what to expect, different options, different choices we could make. Once I was diagnosed with high blood pressure, I definitely read up on what I could. Pamela: I did birth preparation with a midwife in France. We met twice a week and the information she shared was the signs to go to the hospital; how to sleep, because as time passed sleeping with a big stomach wasn't easy; and even little techniques, like when you have (heartburn) what to eat and what not to eat. She gave us tips on how to manage contractions and during labour, how to do the positions. Johsa: I couldn't do a class because to be surrounded by everyone else having normal pregnancies and likely normal outcomes, I just couldn't do it. So I did private sessions with our doula and I was fortunate my husband wanted to be as educated as possible as well, so he read The Birth Partner. Lauren: There's so much that I've really loved about being a mom. Especially the joy of watching Rusty experience the world. He's really adventurous and really curious and even everyday stuff, when we're out and about, is more fun. Pamela: Giving birth is a miracle. Raphaël is my miracle; seeing his day-to-day evolution brings me joy. Claudia: Being a mother isn't easy, it's very challenging, but at the end of the day, seeing those little eyes looking at you and feeling that unparalleled love makes everything bearable. I love being Gabriel's mother; I wouldn't change it for anything. Johsa: I was separated from my mother shortly after birth until early childhood, which had an impact on the quality of our attachment and connection. So my favourite thing is that Jürgen and I get to be together, that his experience will be different than mine in that he gets to have his mommy and can feel secure knowing I am and will always be here for him. Ruth Bonneville / Free Press Participants in Healthy Start's parenting group. From left: Johsa Manzanilla with Jürgen, Claudia Camino with Gabriel, Lauren Chance with Rusty and Pamela Djouka with Raphaël. Ruth Bonneville / Free Press Participants in Healthy Start's parenting group. From left: Johsa Manzanilla with Jürgen, Claudia Camino with Gabriel, Lauren Chance with Rusty and Pamela Djouka with Raphaël. This conversation has been edited for clarity. All of the women interviewed spoke empatically about the importance of finding community as a new mother. The following is not an exhaustive list of the parenting resources available in Manitoba, but were cited as helpful venues for connection and commiseration: Healthy Start ( Pregnancy, parenting and baby groups; nutrition support and outreach workers available Women's Health Clinic ( Groups for families, pregnant and postpartum people, as well as those impacted by pregnancy and infant loss Youville Community Health Centre ( Prenatal, postnatal and breastfeeding progams; parenting groups for newborns to pre-teens Klinic Crisis Support Line: 204-786-8686 or 1-888-322-3019 Manitoba Suicide Prevention and Support Line: 1-877-435-7170 Shared Health Adult Crisis Response Centre: 204-940-1781 Eva WasneyReporter Eva Wasney has been a reporter with the Free Press Arts & Life department since 2019. Read more about Eva. 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