15-05-2025
Verbal abuse can cause lasting harm. Here's why.
Verbal abuse can cause lasting harm. Here's why.
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While it's true that words don't leave a physical mark on the body the way physical abuse does, the things we say can absolutely be weaponized to cause real and measurable harm to others.
"The effects of verbal abuse can be long-lasting and can lead to a host of physical and mental health struggles," says Juanita Guerra, a clinical psychologist in New Rochelle, New York.
Here's what verbal abuse is, how it's worrisome and why it's more common than many realize.
What is verbal abuse?
Verbal abuse doesn't have one definition alone but "involves using words – either spoken or written – with the intention of hurting, humiliating, controlling, demeaning or frightening another person," says Nadine Kaslow, a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Emory University School of Medicine.
In addition to weaponizing words, forms of verbal abuse can also include especially harsh tones, yelling, employing the silent treatment or behaviors that are "used to manipulate, intimidate and maintain power and control over someone," says Elizabeth Dowdell, a professor of pediatrics at the Villanova University M. Louise Fitzpatrick College of Nursing.
In either case, verbal abuse can cause lasting harms. These include feelings of helplessness and powerlessness, Kaslow says, and "mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, traumatic stress, substance misuse, personality disorders and even suicidality."
Sometimes victims of verbal abuse will also develop physical symptoms such as "stomach aches, headaches and chronic pain," says Guerra. "Verbal abuse also undermines one's confidence levels and can negatively impact a person's relationships and work and school performance," says Mary Alvord, a Maryland-based psychologist who helps patients who have experienced verbal abuse.
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What does verbal abuse look like?
Verbal abuse isn't as apparent as forms of physical abuse can be. But Dowdell says that some of its tell-tale signs include intimidation, belittling, berating, bad-mouthing, mocking, yelling or cursing at someone, humiliation, name-calling, constant criticisms and threatening. The latter may include threats of physical violence or even manipulative promises "to leave or to take away a home, car, children or pets," she says.
Verbal abuse can be perpetuated by anyone, anywhere, including on social media, at school, at work, on sports teams, among peers and in the home. "And it may occur by itself or in conjunction with other forms of abuse such as emotional abuse, physical abuse or sexual abuse," adds Kaslow.
Verbal abuse may also look different when aimed at one person over another and may affect some groups of people especially. "Verbal abuse is particularly damaging to children given how impressionable they are and to individuals that have been traumatized in the past," says Guerra.
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What to do if you experience verbal abuse
Recognizing verbal abuse is the first step toward stopping it, Dowdell says, but that can be easier said than done. Once you recognize what's happening, "finding support and getting to safety are important actions," she says.
Support may sometimes include getting away from the person perpetuating the verbal abuse or avoiding them as often as possible. It may also include confrontation. "As with any bully, the abuser often will not stop until confronted," says Guerra. "So it's important to set clear boundaries regarding what is acceptable behavior and what is not and if the verbal abuse persists it may be necessary to gather evidence such as recordings or witnesses in or to take legal action such as obtaining a restraining order."
Of course, where the verbal abuse is taking place matters as well. If it's happening in school settings, "kids and teens can talk with their school counselor or nurse," advises Alvord. If the verbal abuse is occurring in the workplace, "it must be reported to the Human Resources department," says Guerra. "And if it is occurring on social media, then it must be reported through the proper channels so the perpetrator can be blocked, at a minimum."
Hotlines can also be helpful resources, Alvord says, "and professional help should be sought when patterns of sleep, eating and everyday functions are being affected."
"Reach out to a trusted friend, colleague, therapist or support group for help," adds Kaslow, "and practice self-care and give yourself plenty of grace on your road to recovery."
