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Wall Street Journal
a day ago
- Business
- Wall Street Journal
She's Frugal but He's a Big Spender. How Do They Make Their Relationship Work? - Your Money Briefing
You can pick your partner but you can't choose their spending habits. It's a common dilemma : one person regularly shops second hand and the other gravitates towards the 'market price' section of the menu. Host Oyin Adedoyin talks with WSJ Personal Space columnist Katie Roiphe about how she and her husband are making it work. Full Transcript This transcript was prepared by a transcription service. This version may not be in its final form and may be updated. Oyin Adedoyin: Here's your Money Briefing for Friday, June 13th. Oyin Adedoyin for the Wall Street Journal. Relationships are all about give and take, but what do you do when your partner is a big spender and you only shop when things are on sale? Katie Roiphe: It's never fun to be the person who's policing how much money everybody's spending. That voice of the sensible person, even if you're in the right, it's just not very appealing to be that person. Oyin Adedoyin: We'll talk with Wall Street Journal personal space columnist, Katie Roiphe, about how she and her husband navigate being polar opposites when it comes to spending. That's after the break. It is often said that opposites attract, but what if you and your partner have completely different relationships with money? Wall Street Journal columnist, Katie Roiphe, joins me to talk about how she navigates this in her own marriage. Katie, can you describe your spending style to me and then describe your husband's? Katie Roiphe: I would put myself in this sort of frugal, neurotic category where I'm constantly imagining cataclysmic financial ruin. I like a sale, I like a bargain. I hate a restaurant where an entree is $43. That just does not feel fun to me. So, I would say I'm just cautious and my husband is the opposite. There's some shockingly expensive pair of socks that he absolutely must have. On one of our first few dates, he ran out of dog food and actually ordered a hamburger from a really expensive Upper East Side Bistro. For the dog? Oyin Adedoyin: For the dog. Katie Roiphe: Yes, for the dog. And that could have been a red flag for some people, at the Bowman. It just went past by me. But that's his instinct, I would say. Oyin Adedoyin: And you call yourself frugal. I'm curious about what makes you thriftier than the average consumer in your opinion. Katie Roiphe: I was a single mother for 10 years, so I just lived carefully financially. I don't think I'm necessarily super frugal. It's more in the contrast that I appear to be frugal, and that's one of the things I write about in the piece is just in a marriage, people come to occupy these roles. So, he was occupying the role of extravagant person and I was occupying the role of a thrifty person. Oyin Adedoyin: You described the frugal person in the relationship as drab, boring, lacking in joie de vivre and the extravagant person as fun and exciting and energizing. I found that so relatable, and I was wondering why you chose those words. Katie Roiphe: I just realized oftentimes you feel like the role you're occupying is actually not one you would choose. You don't really want it. It seems kind of a drag. And the person who's always like, well, I don't know if we can really afford that extra three entrees with the takeout, that person is not very fun. And my husband has this warm, generous, energetic, joyous way of being in the world, and it's contagious. It's really fun for everybody. It's never fun to be the person who's policing how much money everybody is spending. That voice of the sensible person, even if you're in the right, it's just not very appealing to be that person. Oyin Adedoyin: You also talk about some solutions that you guys have worked through over the years, including separate bank accounts. What are some other ways that you two have navigated these two distinct roles that you play in this relationship? Katie Roiphe: I would say the biggest one is that thing of separate bank accounts. We don't have children in common. We have separate children, so it makes it easier. He can do what he wants, I do what I want, and that's definitely creates a kind of atmosphere of sanity in our household. But other than that, I think one huge thing is humor. And I feel like the jokes that we make about this makes you able to navigate what could be actually disturbing conflicts. He's constantly telling me, oh, that steak cost $1,000. And I just think it's cute and laugh, and that's how we get through our days. Oyin Adedoyin: I love that. There's some debate within the financial world about how best to manage finances as a couple. You talk about separate bank accounts working for you two, that's this huge debate. I'm curious about whether you and your husband do have a shared account and how you both decide when to use which account. Katie Roiphe: We have no shared accounts, literally and no shared property. So, we really take this to quite an extreme. I feel very strongly about financial independence for women and especially, I think, it's very different if you have kids in common, but we got married 10 years ago, we met each other later in life. So, for us, it really makes sense to just have these separate spheres and keep the distinction. I think just having your own account where if you feel like doing whatever you feel like doing, it's your own business. I think that kind of independence in a couple is really healthy. Oyin Adedoyin: You've noticed that you and your husband over years have picked up each other's spending habits. How so? Katie Roiphe: It's just funny because I think that neither of us would admit it, and we both really feel like we are 100% in the right, but I think that kind of unconsciously, without even realizing it, we've just edged closer together. And it's really strange how that happens because as I described in the piece, he once got me this bouquet of flowers. I don't remember what it was for, but it was the hugest, craziest, most extravagant bouquet of flowers. My dining room table, which is enormous, did not have space for anything but these flowers and their glory. It was crazy. Normally, I would be like, why did you spend so much money on the flowers? In my head. I wouldn't say it, but I would think it. But I just found myself... Suddenly, I was like, oh, this is so great. What a amazing thing to have these crazy flowers. I think that I've started to be able to appreciate a burst of extravagance. And likewise, I think he's started to see that actually saving money is fun and useful and there are all kinds of good things about it. So, I see him looking for the cheaper options sometimes now. So, we sort of have ceased to occupy these roles that were very defining early on in the marriage. It's hard for me to explain how it happens. It's almost like how dogs come to resemble their owners. I think you do just naturally move closer together when you're living together. Oyin Adedoyin: That's WSJ personal space columnist Katie Roiphe. And that's it for Your Money Briefing. This episode was produced by Ariana Aspuru. Additional support this week from Coleman Standifer. I'm your host, Oyin Adedoyin. Jessica Fenton and Michael LaValle wrote our theme music. Our supervising producer is Melony Roy. Aisha Al-Muslim is our development producer. Scott Saloway and Chris Zinsli are our deputy editors. And Philana Patterson is the Wall Street Journal's head of news audio. Thanks for listening.
Yahoo
10-05-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
This WSJ writer grew up believing money talk was ‘vulgar' — here's what you can learn from her money mistakes
Not everyone's a natural with numbers — but if there's one life skill worth forcing yourself to get good at, it's money. Katie Roiphe, author of The Wall Street Journal's Personal Space column, has never been afraid to tackle bold subjects head-on in her writing, according to a recent interview with the University of Austin. Thanks to Jeff Bezos, you can now become a landlord for as little as $100 — and no, you don't have to deal with tenants or fix freezers. Here's how I'm 49 years old and have nothing saved for retirement — what should I do? Don't panic. Here are 5 of the easiest ways you can catch up (and fast) Nervous about the stock market in 2025? Find out how you can access this $1B private real estate fund (with as little as $10) But, as she wrote in a recent piece for The Journal, she hasn't always been able to say the same about her approach to money. Roiphe peeled back the curtain on her own financial blind spots, admitting that while she's generally 'highly functional,' the world of personal finance has always sent her running for the hills. 'I would basically summarize my approach to all practical money matters as some combination of hope and avoidance,' she wrote. For Roiphe, that deep-rooted avoidance traces back to childhood. Growing up in a household where her mother — an unapologetic intellectual — deemed money talk 'vulgar,' Roiphe absorbed the idea that caring about cash was crass. But the problem was no one taught her one crucial life hack: if you want to stop thinking about money, you need to have enough of it first. Roiphe's not the only one who's tempted to ghost her finances. For most of us, when something feels stressful, it's way easier to shove it to the back burner and hope it magically sorts itself out. 'I would just leave the mail in a pile, as if not actually laying eyes on a bill would make it vanish. I have an active imagination, and I could almost wishfully think away a heating bill,' she wrote. But pretending your bills don't exist doesn't make them disappear — it just racks up your debt. In fact, U.S. household debt ballooned by $93 billion last quarter alone, hitting $18.04 trillion, according to the Federal Reserve Bank of New York's latest Household Debt and Credit Report. Turns out, ignoring the problem just makes it worse. For Roiphe, the financial wake-up call got even harsher during her divorce. She realized she had no savings, no benefits outside her ex-husband's job and no financial safety net of her own. It was a harsh lesson in what can happen when you lean too hard on old-school gender norms, or the idea that 'there are certain aspects of life that men should take care of,' she wrote. But that kind of thinking can leave you exposed when life inevitably flips the script. One smart move is to start having open, no-shame conversations with your partner about money. Whether it's a monthly check-in when the bills roll in or bigger-picture chats about long-term goals, getting on the same page is key. And if your partner is more finance-savvy, don't be afraid to learn from them. Talk through tricky concepts, and grow together so you're never left in the dark when it matters most. Read more: BlackRock CEO Larry Fink has an important message for the next wave of American retirees — here's how he says you can best weather the US retirement crisis Eventually, Roiphe began building real financial security for herself. She landed a steady job in higher education, and that monthly paycheck helped her support her daughter and son while navigating life in an expensive city — but stability didn't mean fairness. She soon found out her male colleagues at the university were earning significantly more than she was. And, it wasn't because they were more qualified. The real difference was 'they asked for more money,' Roiphe wrote. It sounds simple, but it's a step many people skip — often out of fear, uncertainty or discomfort. And while confidence plays a big part, broader pay gaps still persist. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, women who worked full-time in 2023 earned 83.6% of what men earned in the same professions, highlighting a pay gap that negotiation alone can't always close. If you're ready to boost your confidence and your paycheck, preparation is key. Start by making a solid case for yourself: gather salary data, list your accomplishments and be clear on exactly what you're asking for. Then practice saying it out loud — whether to a friend, your mirror or even your dog — so it feels second nature when the time comes. Finally, don't wait for your annual review to make your value known. Set up regular check-ins with your manager to keep the conversation going and make sure your contributions stay top of mind. At the end of the day, financial confidence isn't something you're born with — it's built, one bold step at a time. Want an extra $1,300,000 when you retire? Dave Ramsey says this 7-step plan 'works every single time' to kill debt, get rich in America — and that 'anyone' can do it Rich, young Americans are ditching the stormy stock market — here are the alternative assets they're banking on instead Robert Kiyosaki warns of a 'Greater Depression' coming to the US — with millions of Americans going poor. But he says these 2 'easy-money' assets will bring in 'great wealth'. How to get in now This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind. Sign in to access your portfolio
