27-05-2025
Memorial Day celebration reflects on remembrance amid shared loss
May 26—ROCHESTER — Kay Swenson has told her family's story countless times since her son, Cpl. Curtis Swenson, was killed in Afghanistan , but each telling for the Gold Star mother remains fresh.
"I've worn that badge for 15 years," she said of the Gold Star family status to families of U.S. military members who've died while serving. "At times, it feels like 15 seconds."
On Monday, she shared her family's story again as part of Rochester's Memorial Day observance at the Soldiers Field Veterans Memorial.
It was Swenson's third time giving the main address at the annual event, but friends and strangers who paused briefly after the ceremony to reach out to her made it evident the emotions shared among them are fresh.
"She always gets me," program master of ceremonies Darlene Krebs said.
Curtis Swenson was killed in Afghanistan on April 2, 2010, having joined the military shortly after his 2007 graduation from Mayo High School.
Enlisting was a family tradition shared by his mother and father, as well as cousins and others.
"Because of my family's history of service, I thought that was the thing you do," Kay Swenson said of her own Army service.
When the son she described as a "smart, quick-witted, strong-heated, yet soft-hearted, little boy" served in Iraq from 2008 to 2009 and later left for Afghanistan in 2009, she said she better understood that individual service is not truly service of one person.
"When a soldier serves their country, a family serves their country," she said. "We go through much of the same mental strain as our loved one."
As someone born into a Gold Star family due to the death of her mother's first husband, Sgt Francis Berger on Nov. 14, 1952, Swenson said she knew of sacrifice but didn't understand the full impact on the family until her mother opened up following Curtis' death.
"It was something she never talked about," she said of Berger's death in a non-combat plane crash in Korea.
Even after Kay Swenson's sister died from cancer while serving, giving the family another Gold Star, she said the full impact didn't strike her.
But Curtis Swenson death as the result of an improvised explosive device in Afghanistan during a combat support operation as part of Operation Enduring Freedom changed everything.
She said her family opted to publicly mourn, searching for meaning in Curtis' death and letting others in to share their loss and personal stories.
The search led to a memorial fund and educational scholarships , but Swenson said it's also helped others share and consider the enduring lessons of pain and sacrifice.
"That's why we strive to turn our pain into purpose," she said.
Swenson said sharing the experiences helps deal with the pain, even as the sadness remains indefinitely
"It makes me incredibly sad, not knowing what might have been," she said, reflecting on her son's goals and plans for the future. "Letting go of our future is almost as difficult as letting go of him."
With that, she urged the crowd that filled the seats and poured out of the memorial during Monday's program to remember those honored on Memorial Day, as well as those left behind as battle survivors and loved ones.
Amid the variety of traditions carried out Monday, she said the key is remembering the sacrifices of those lost.
"We owe a lifetime of gratitude," she said. "We speak their names so their sacrifice is not forgotten."
