2 days ago
30 Best Foreplay Ideas and Tips For Even Better Sex
Romantic comedies and erotic novels might make it seem like one second people are getting rained on, and the next, they're ripping each other's clothes off in the hallway, but that's not always the case. IRL, people are busy! I'm talking half-finished to-do lists, existential dread, and the ongoing debate about whether or not we should get bangs. Sex isn't always top of mind (sorry, Nicholas Sparks). And that, my dear friends, is where foreplay comes in.
At its best, foreplay builds anticipation, creates emotional closeness, and gets your body and brain so turned on that the sex that follows (if another type of sex even follows—more on that in a sec) feels next-level.
'In most relationships, foreplay is defined as any sexual activity that induces arousal,' says Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, a Kinsey-certified sexologist and professor of sexual communication. 'Many people experience what's called 'responsive desire.' They don't necessarily feel turned on until their body is properly stimulated.'
While this can be the case for anybody, it's especially true for people with vulvas. 'Gentle buildup through extended foreplay nurtures arousal and makes sex more pleasurable and less uncomfortable,' explains Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT, chief sexologist at SXWA. ICYMI: Studies show that over 75 percent of people with vaginas need more than just penetration to orgasm. Which means if you skip foreplay, you kiiiinda skip the part that actually helps many folks want to have sex in the first place. You say it's a chicken/egg thing, I say it's a 'you need to start doing foreplay if you ever expect to get laid' thing. (Respectfully.)
So! Basically! If you want better sex, start with better foreplay. And lucky you, we've got 30 of the best moves to get you going, and take your ~sexperiences~ from 'meh' to 'I'm about to make you forget your name.'
If the word "foreplay" makes you picture some half-hearted groping before things 'really' get started, go ahead and delete that file from your brain. Foreplay isn't the bread basket at a restaurant (unless you sometimes just eat the bread basket and skip the rest of the meal because the bread basket is so good. In that case, you're correct). It's the connection, the build-up, the literal and emotional lube that makes everything hotter, deeper, and way more satisfying. Cue: hot kisses, flirty sexting, sensual massages, and even just whispering something dirty while you're doing the dishes.
'Foreplay is the art of connecting deeply through body and mind,' says Dr. Joy. 'It lubricates your emotions, your thoughts, and your body.' So no, it's not just a few minutes of pawing at each other before penetration. It's the thing that makes you want to rip each other's clothes off in the first place.
Foreplay can also help your body physically prep for pleasure. It can enhance blood flow, increase nerve sensitivity, and reduce pain or discomfort during sex, especially for people with vulvas. 'When you give yourself time to gradually increase blood flow, it reduces the likelihood of discomfort,' Dr. Joy explains. 'It also deepens psychological attraction.' So if you've ever thought, 'Hmm, this would be a lot more enjoyable if my body were actually into it,' you're not wrong. That's literally what foreplay is for.
And it doesn't even always have to be viewed as a 'before' thing. Oral sex, heavy petting, mutual masturbation, and even dry-humping can totally be the main event! If you stop viewing foreplay as something you 'squeeze in' before the real sex starts, and start savoring it, you'll be surprised at how mind-blowing intimacy can be.
In other words, foreplay is a lot of things, but it's not a hurdle, a formality, or a five-minute detour on the way to penetration. It's the part that makes the rest of sex—if and when you get there—actually worth having.
Foreplay doesn't have to be some elaborate, candlelit production (unless that's your thing—in which case, carry on). Sometimes, the hottest moves are the simplest. Whether you've got five hours or five minutes, these expert-backed tips are here to turn the heat all the way up.
1. Start Sexting ASAP.
Sexting is one of the easiest, most effective ways to build arousal, specifically for people who need a little mental warm-up first. '[People with vaginas] can get wet from just the right kind of sexting,' says Suwinyattichaiporn. 'Compliments, anticipation, the naughtiness; it's perfect foreplay without touching.'
This could be a mid-morning text like, 'Can't stop thinking about you in that shirt,' or a late-afternoon voice note about what you plan to do later. The point isn't Shakespearean wordplay. (Unless that does it for you, in which case, again, carry on!) It's curiosity, confidence, and a liiiittle restraint. Build the suspense early, and by the time you're actually together, you're both already halfway there.
This one might sound like a wellness retreat activity, but stick with us. Lying close to your partner and matching your breath to theirs can activate a deep sense of connection and intimacy, especially if sex has started to feel rushed or mechanical. 'When you match your breathing, you sync up energetically,' says Berkheimer. 'It increases oxytocin and helps you stay present in your body.'
Try this during a quiet moment (so no TV, no scrolling, and no pressure to perform). Whether you're spooning or just lying face-to-face under the covers, focus on feeling their chest rise and fall with yours. It's grounding, sexy, and a surprisingly effective way to flip your brains into a shared, sensual mode.
3. Casually (And Consensually) Grope Each Other.
Spoiler: Not all foreplay needs to have Bridgerton-level choreography. In fact, the little touches throughout your day—like pulling your partner close while they're loading the dishwasher or grabbing their butt while they're brushing their teeth—might do more for long-term desire than an elaborate lingerie moment. 'Playful touch keeps you attuned to your partner and releases oxytocin,' says Suwinyattichaiporn. 'It helps build anticipation throughout the day.'
The keyword is consensual. You're not springing surprise boob grabs here. You're engaging in playful, familiar touch that reminds your partner: Hey, I still want you. And sometimes, that reminder is all it takes to get the mood going early.
4. Whisper Something Dirty.
Sometimes it's just about saying the one line that hits. 'I want to feel you later.' 'I can't stop thinking about last night.' 'What would you do if we didn't have to be somewhere in ten minutes?' Suwinyattichaiporn calls this 'mental foreplay,' and says it's just as important as anything physical.
The best part? You can do it literally anytime. Lean in while your partner's making dinner. Drop it into a text in the middle of the day. Murmur it during a kiss and then walk away like you didn't just blow their mind. Confidence = hot. Leaving them wanting more = even hotter.
5. Dance Together (No Rhythm Required).
You don't need a big romantic moment to turn a slow dance into serious foreplay. 'Moving to music creates physical synchronization and undeniable desire,' says Berkheimer. Even if you're just swaying in socks on the hardwood floor or slow grinding in your kitchen to a playlist you haven't updated since college, that body-to-body contact stirs something primal.
It's also low-effort and high-impact. No need to make it sexy—just let it be sexy. Your hand on their hip. Their breath near your neck. That tiny spark of tension that says, This could go somewhere if we wanted it to. That's foreplay, baby.
6. Explore Each Other in the Mirror.
It might sound intimidating at first, but hear us out: Watching yourselves during foreplay can seriously boost arousal. Whether you're undressing each other, kissing, or experimenting with touch, using a mirror adds a layer of visual stimulation that makes everything feel heightened. 'Mirror exploration can increase body acceptance and help you discover new erogenous zones,' says Berkheimer.
It also slows things down. Instead of racing toward a finish line, you're both fully in the moment, seeing each other—really seeing each other—and reacting to the buildup in real time. Yes, you might giggle at first. That's fine! Do it anyway.
7. Compliment Their Sex Appeal.
There's a time and place for, 'Thanks for folding the laundry,' but it's not when you're trying to seduce someone. If you want to turn your partner on, start by helping them *feel* hot. 'Say something like, 'You have such a nice body' or 'I love the sound of your voice,'' says Suwinyattichaiporn. 'These kinds of compliments increase confidence, which helps you feel more desirable and turned on.'
The goal isn't flattery, it's anticipation. By focusing on their physicality, voice, energy, or even how they move, you're signaling that you see 'em, you want 'em, and you're already envisioning doing very naughty things with 'em.
8. Make a Sexy Bet.
A little competition can be very good for your sex life. 'Playful challenges or bets create curiosity and anticipation,' says Berkheimer. They also open the door to power dynamics and teasing, two underrated foreplay tools. Try, 'If I win, you have to kiss me everywhere but my mouth.' Or, 'Loser has to do whatever the winner says for five minutes… in bed.'
It's silly, it's fun, and it invites intimacy without pressure. Plus, who doesn't want a little incentive to win? Just remember it's still fine to say "no" during. This is about fun, not forcing your partner to do something they're not cool with.
9. Use a Toy on Them.
Sex toys aren't a replacement for intimacy; they're a boost. Suwinyattichaiporn calls them 'extremely effective and fun,' especially during foreplay, yet many people still avoid them due to shame or outdated ideas about what 'should' be enough.
Whether it's a wand vibrator, a bullet, or a cock ring, incorporating toys together can help you explore new sensations, boost arousal, and totally change the rhythm of your usual go-to moves. Not to get all corporate on you, but think of it as collaborating on pleasure versus outsourcing it.
10. Trade Fantasies Out Loud.
Here's your reminder that foreplay isn't always physical. 'Verbalizing fantasies intensifies mental arousal,' says Berkheimer. Even if you never plan to make them happen, sharing what turns you on in theory can be just as powerful as doing it in practice.
Pick a low-stakes moment—maybe while lying in bed or post-makeout—and say something like, 'I've always wondered what it would feel like to…' Then pause and let them fill in the blanks. You might discover you're on the same wavelength or, even better, turn each other on in totally unexpected ways.
Foot play isn't just for niche TikToks and fetishes—it's a great form of sensual touch. 'Feet have a lot of nerve endings and can be so sensual,' says Suwinyattichaiporn. A gentle rub, kiss, or even a light scratch can activate areas of the body that don't usually get attention, which makes them extra receptive to sensation.
The trick? Keep it clean, keep it slow, and read your partner's cues. You might be surprised at how fast a foot rub can turn into full-body tension. And if it doesn't? You still just scored points for giving them a massage. Win-win.
12. Send a Voice Note They Can't Open in Public.
A text is hot. A voice note? Unhinged in the best way. 'Sending sexy stories or compliments by voice builds anticipation,' says Berkheimer. The added layer of your actual voice—the pace, the tone, the breath between words—adds intimacy no emoji ever could.
Pro tip: Make it short and NSFW enough that they *have* to wait to hear it. The buildup becomes its own form of foreplay. And once they finally hit play? Let's just say you won't need to do much more talking.
13. Give Them a Gift.
If your partner's love language is gift-giving, this one's criminally underrated. 'Receiving a gift can be sexually arousing for some people,' says Suwinyattichaiporn. It doesn't have to be anything wild, just a little something thoughtful (a massage candle, a spicy book, that new toy you've been hinting at) paired with a smirk and a slow unzip. It's not about materialism; it's about surprise, effort, and being seen.
14. Try Mutual Masturbation.
Okay, so watching your partner turn themselves on is hot. Like, wildly hot. 'We like to witness pleasure in others—it reflects what we may look and feel like when we're in it too,' says Berkheimer. Mutual masturbation can be an incredible way to learn what your partner likes, show them what works for you, and build a ton of arousal without needing to go all the way (unless you want to).
It's also ideal if you're not quite in the mood for penetration but still want closeness. You're side by side, tuned in, and free to watch, react, and join in at your own pace.
15. Do a Guided Sex Meditation Together.
Ready for this one? Suwinyattichaiporn recommends trying a guided sexual meditation to build desire, focus your attention, and foster connection before things get physical. 'It creates sexual energy and intimacy without rushing,' she says. You can find these on YouTube or dedicated apps (Suwinyattichaiporn even has her own). Try it together before bed or during a lazy weekend afternoon. It's like a mental foreplay pregame that gets your bodies and minds in sync.
16. Make Eye Contact for a Full Minute.
This one sounds simple until you're actually doing it. Sitting face-to-face and holding eye contact for 60 full seconds can feel… intense. Maybe even a little uncomfortable. But that's kind of the point. 'This simple act stimulates the nervous system, deepens arousal, and makes even a short moment intensely intimate,' says Berkheimer.
Try it before sex, after a fight, or when you're feeling a little off. It's weirdly grounding, and it activates a kind of 'Oh right, I like you' chemistry that gets drowned out by daily chaos. Add touch, and you've got a whole experience.
You don't need to do a full strip tease (unless that's your thing). But slowing down and watching—whether you're undressing them or they're taking off their own clothes—adds a level of control and attention that's deeply erotic.
It's a reminder that foreplay isn't always about touching. Sometimes, it's about looking. Let your eyes linger. Let them feel seen. Let it take longer than it needs to. That tension? That's what gives you the will-they-won't-they vibes.
18. Try a Sensual Massage.
This isn't the 'rub their shoulders for 30 seconds before pouncing' kind of massage. This is slow, intentional, exploratory touch with zero goal beyond pleasure. 'Sensual massage, including yoni or prostate massage, can create heat and connection without pressure,' says Suwinyattichaiporn.
Set the mood—low lighting, lube or oil, music that doesn't kill the vibe—and start somewhere unexpected, like their hands or calves. The longer you take, the more arousal builds naturally. Sometimes the hottest thing you can say is, 'Don't worry, I'm not trying to have sex. I just want to make you feel good.'
19. Make Out Like It's Prom Night.
When was the last time you kissed for more than a few seconds without it being a means to an end? 'Extended make outs build oxytocin, spark arousal, and help couples reconnect,' says Berkheimer. So ditch the pressure to get naked immediately and just… kiss.
Try it on the couch. In the car. Against the kitchen counter. Bonus points for making out in a semi-public place (not that public—let's stay legal). That sneakiness? That teen-romance energy? It's pure gold.
20. Give Each Other Compliments All Day.
Foreplay doesn't have to start in the bedroom—it can start over morning coffee. Try saying things like, 'You looked so good getting out of bed this morning,' or, 'I couldn't stop staring at you during that Zoom call.' These aren't about chores or parenting wins. They're about desire.
'Words of affirmation increase self-esteem and desire,' says Suwinyattichaiporn. The more they feel wanted throughout the day, the more turned on they'll be when things finally slow down. Think of it as a breadcrumb trail straight to the bedroom.
21. Tell Them Exactly What You Want to Do.
Being casual isn't always the play, and TBH, sometimes the hottest move is just saying the thing. Suwinyattichaiporn notes that direct sexual communication is strongly tied to satisfaction: 'Instead of hinting, say, 'I want to use this toy on you and watch you lose it.''
It doesn't have to be poetic—it just has to be honest. Think: What do you want to do to them? What do you want them to do to you? Say it. The confidence alone is enough to get someone undressed.
22. Try a Tantra-Inspired Erotic Touch Session.
If you've been stuck in a physical rut—or just want to slow things way, way down—this one's worth trying. 'Conscious erotic touch or tantra massage doesn't require orgasm or even genital touch,' says Berkheimer. 'It's about breath, connection, and tuning into sensation.'
Sit facing each other. Use your hands, your lips, or just your breath to explore each other's bodies. The catch? There's no agenda. Set a timer for 10 minutes if you need to. The goal here is to feel, not to perform.
23. Write Them a Quick Fantasy
This is foreplay meets fan fiction. Write a short note or text about what you want to do to them (or what you would do if you had no time limits, no kids in the house, no laundry in the dryer, etc.). It doesn't need to be elaborate. Just honest, specific, and maybe a little eye-roll-y—but in a fun way.
You can leave it on their pillow. Text it to them mid-meeting. Or better yet, read it out loud while they squirm. Arousal that starts in the imagination hits differently.
24. Make Shower Time… Not About Showering.
It doesn't always have to lead to shower sex. Sometimes, standing under warm water together, running your hands over each other's bodies with zero rush, is enough to shift your brains into a shared, turned-on headspace. 'Even brief moments of intentional skin contact can deepen desire,' says Suwinyattichaiporn.
Plus, um, you're both already naked? So it's the easiest, most accessible setting for casual foreplay—especially when time is tight and you've only got a few extra minutes before you'll be late for work.
25. Lightly Scratch Them.
Light scratching might not sound sexy, but once you try it, you'll understand. 'Unexpected touch in sensitive areas—like the back or thighs—can activate nerve endings and heighten anticipation,' says Berkheimer. It's about giving just enough sensation to wake the body up without overwhelming it. Use your nails. Use your teeth. Use the back of your hand. It's not about pain—it's about stimulation. Done right, it's a shiver-inducing kind of tease that makes them want more immediately.
26. Watch a Steamy Scene Together.
You don't need to fire up full-blown porn to get turned on together. Sometimes, a good sex scene from your favorite messy drama (hi, Outlander) is more than enough to get the wheels turning. 'Shared arousal—even from fictional sources—can create a low-pressure space to explore desire,' says Berkheimer. So sit close, react out loud, and let the tension build between you. It's like watching the trailer for what could happen later.
Trying something new doesn't mean you're bored—it means you're invested AF. 'Novelty helps keep long-term desire alive,' says Suwinyattichaiporn. A new scent, sensation, or texture can reinvigorate your usual rhythm and get you both back into discovery mode. Pick up something you've never tried, like warming lube, flavored oil, or even a massage candle, and pull it out when they least expect it. The goal isn't to blow their mind. It's to change the pace, just enough to make things feel fresh again.
28. Sit in Their Lap.
This one's shockingly underused. Berkheimer says sitting in your partner's lap—especially while making eye contact or pressing your bodies together—sends a very clear signal without saying a word. 'Physical closeness activates emotional bonding and arousal,' she explains. Try it during a conversation. Try it while you're scrolling. Try it while you're pretending to scroll. If they weren't thinking about sex before, they will be now.
29. Take a Nap Together (No, Really).
Foreplay isn't always about getting things going. It can also be about making space to want each other again. 'When you're exhausted, intimacy sometimes means letting your bodies rest together,' says Berkheimer. 'Sharing quiet time often builds the emotional safety that leads to better sex later.' So yeah, that shared nap on the couch? That counts. Especially if you wake up tangled, relaxed, and maybe even half-naked.
You know the one. That fantasy you're too shy to bring up. The move you've been wanting to try. The compliment you think but never say out loud. 'That level of honesty deepens desire and emotional intimacy,' says Berkheimer. Foreplay can absolutely be physical, but it can also be vulnerability, risk, and a big, hot leap of faith. So take it. Say the thing. The sex you want starts there.
