a day ago
The King playing a carrot is inspiration for a new pastime
Little gets me excited as I have reached 'an' age where nothing seems new. That perception was shattered recently however by, of all people, our sausage-fingered monarch in chief.
As another week of cutting ribbons and feigning interest at the latest royal appointment drew to a close, he looked genuinely excited at meeting the London Vegetable Orchestra. Beaming with joy, he picked up a carrot recorder and played, badly, a tune, as those around him fawned as if it were the second coming of Elvis.
I was enthralled as to how, as a fan of the eccentric, this genius idea for a 'pastime' had passed me by and I am now planning a visit to my local Sainsbury's produce aisle to get in on the act.
The orchestra proudly, and quite rightly, describes itself as the UK's 'only' ensemble dedicated to 'homegrown' entertainment. Sadly, as one with no musical talent whatsoever, membership is not open to the general public with all members being past or present professional musicians with links to the Royal Academy of Music.
A decade on from their inception, they number courgettes, peppers, butternut squashes and potatoes among their alma mater and they have appeared regularly on the box on Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway, Room 101, and 'Let's do Lunch' with Gino and Mel, before Gino was put on toast.
I can't wait to see them live and I am rooting (sorry) for them as they continue to be fully booked as punters enjoy Elvis Parsley's 'Blue Swede Shoes' and 'Billie Aubergine'. The orchestra numbers a 'chef' among their ensemble as they continue to take bookings for festivals, concerts and private parties. Lord knows they can even afford a Who-style instrument trash at the end of each gig, before hollowing out another root vegetable in lieu of a bongo drum.
Now excuse me if, by this point, I am raving a little too much about what is, in effect, a cultural throwaway, but to me, it is a new version of the cheese rolling in Gloucestershire or La Tomatina in Spain, and adds yet another eccentric string to our bow. I am left hoping that, if aliens ever do land on planet earth, they happen upon a vegetable orchestra gig and turn straight back to whence they came.
Sadly, my research however has led to me being a tad let down as the original vegetable orchestra was formed in that hotbed of musical excellence, Austria, some years ago. The songs they play may well have some Austrian-based punnery but it's hard to tell as I don't speak any other tongue besides English and I still haven't mastered that if truth beknown.
But as we bid farewell for another seven days my dear readership, I am left in the kitchen formulating a band courtesy of a potato peeler, a sharp paring knife and an apple corer, as I aim to go big and send a demo in to Simon 'Trowel' who may be able to water my musical seed.
My plan is to introduce a marrow trumpet, a pumpkin snare drum and put a complex series of holes into a yam to construct a yamonica (sorry) in which to while away the hours until the next eccentric madness darkens my door…
Brett Ellis is a teacher
