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Sydney Morning Herald
31-05-2025
- General
- Sydney Morning Herald
I had a troubled childhood. This is the question I am asked the most
The exact wording varies, but it's generally something like this: 'If you could go back in time and be removed from your mother's care permanently at the start, do you think that would have been better?' Yeah, it's a biggie. That question is essentially the ultimate one of nature vs nurture. Would my life be better now if I hadn't endured the abuse and neglect that I did as a child? If I didn't have to spend my adulthood dealing with the effects of this trauma, how different would things be? What would it be like to not be like this? To be ... 'cured'? I have answered that question differently over the years. I still answer it differently. Because I genuinely don't know. I've always thought that what I went through made me into the person I am today. I'm a talented writer and a great performer, and I'm funny. It could be argued that resilience built those things. But … I also resent the concept of 'resilience' being a virtue. I resent that I went through something so terrible that it forced me to be resilient in the first place. And who's to say my talent and humour aren't just in my genes? My mum and dad were both very funny people – my mum was extremely creative, and my dad was an exceptional writer. My grandmother was an academic and published author. Maybe I'm a storyteller because of nature, rather than nurture, and was always going to be this way. So if I had to choose … then yeah, I'd choose 'get me the hell out of there', wouldn't I? Go back to the start and put me in a stable and loving home. But … what if that stuff isn't in my genes? Then I spend a childhood in a stable and loving home, but I grow up to be a woman who names her kids Braighleigh and Caightleighn, posts TikToks about her MLM aromatherapy business and has a framed 'Live Laugh Love' poster as the central artwork in her living room. No sense of humour and no writing career. But also … no bad childhood means no mental health issues! Right? Does it, though? If I had grown up in a stable and loving home, I would certainly have had less trauma to deal with, but could I guarantee I'd have no mental-health issues? There's a history of mental illness on both sides of my family, ranging from schizophrenia to depression. So while my childhood may be the cause of the trauma in my life now, I could have had an incredible childhood and still struggled mentally because my genes were always going to be that way. When it comes to mental health, maybe my number was always going to be drafted at conception, bad childhood or not. So, am I sticking with Braighleigh and Caightleighn or … ? It's not just talent, humour and mental health to consider, though. I have qualities as a human being that I've come to appreciate, that almost certainly developed thanks to the work I've had to put into treatment. If I'd had a stable or loving childhood, or been 'cured' of my trauma sooner, I wouldn't have spent the years I have learning how to be a better person. Like picking up on the emotions of others. I do it to a hyper extent, constantly doing something I call 'temperature checking the room'. It's officially called hypervigilance and is a heightened sense that children in dangerous environments are forced to develop to stay safe. Are they mad? Do I need to be wary? Have I done something wrong? How can I fix this? What can I do to calm them down? All understandable thoughts for a little kid to have when they're just trying to stay alert and mitigate danger. When it comes to mental health, maybe my number was always going to be drafted at conception, bad childhood or not. But as an adult, I initially hated my hypervigilance. I found it exhausting to be constantly assessing my surroundings and the people in them. And while treatment hasn't got rid of it completely, it has helped me turn it into a quality I'm now proud to have. I understand now that while my hypervigilant brain may pick up on something going on with a person, I have no way of knowing what it is. So now I try to take that hypervigilance and filter it through empathy and insight, giving me the chance to check in with people about how they're feeling if I do pick up on something. My childhood gave me the ability to observe people out of necessity, and my treatment gave me the ability to turn that into something positive. (Hypervigilance also means I notice the kind of tiny, nonsense details that make me a ridiculously brilliant gift-giver. The list goes on, people!) Do I wish my childhood had been different? I just ... I don't know. That's why my answer to that question changes all the time. There is no simple answer. It's nature and nurture. It's frustration at the past and pride at surviving it. It's wishing I knew what it felt like to have an awesome dad like Richard Glover, and knowing so much of what is great about me wouldn't exist without the dad I did have. Loading What would my life look like if I didn't have a broken brain? I don't know if it would be better or worse. The boring answer is probably a bit of both. What I do know for sure, though, is that I wouldn't be the exact person I am right now, with all the brilliance and all the flaws, if everything hadn't gone exactly the way it has so far. And the person I am right now? I really, really like her.
The Age
31-05-2025
- General
- The Age
I had a troubled childhood. This is the question I am asked the most
The exact wording varies, but it's generally something like this: 'If you could go back in time and be removed from your mother's care permanently at the start, do you think that would have been better?' Yeah, it's a biggie. That question is essentially the ultimate one of nature vs nurture. Would my life be better now if I hadn't endured the abuse and neglect that I did as a child? If I didn't have to spend my adulthood dealing with the effects of this trauma, how different would things be? What would it be like to not be like this? To be ... 'cured'? I have answered that question differently over the years. I still answer it differently. Because I genuinely don't know. I've always thought that what I went through made me into the person I am today. I'm a talented writer and a great performer, and I'm funny. It could be argued that resilience built those things. But … I also resent the concept of 'resilience' being a virtue. I resent that I went through something so terrible that it forced me to be resilient in the first place. And who's to say my talent and humour aren't just in my genes? My mum and dad were both very funny people – my mum was extremely creative, and my dad was an exceptional writer. My grandmother was an academic and published author. Maybe I'm a storyteller because of nature, rather than nurture, and was always going to be this way. So if I had to choose … then yeah, I'd choose 'get me the hell out of there', wouldn't I? Go back to the start and put me in a stable and loving home. But … what if that stuff isn't in my genes? Then I spend a childhood in a stable and loving home, but I grow up to be a woman who names her kids Braighleigh and Caightleighn, posts TikToks about her MLM aromatherapy business and has a framed 'Live Laugh Love' poster as the central artwork in her living room. No sense of humour and no writing career. But also … no bad childhood means no mental health issues! Right? Does it, though? If I had grown up in a stable and loving home, I would certainly have had less trauma to deal with, but could I guarantee I'd have no mental-health issues? There's a history of mental illness on both sides of my family, ranging from schizophrenia to depression. So while my childhood may be the cause of the trauma in my life now, I could have had an incredible childhood and still struggled mentally because my genes were always going to be that way. When it comes to mental health, maybe my number was always going to be drafted at conception, bad childhood or not. So, am I sticking with Braighleigh and Caightleighn or … ? It's not just talent, humour and mental health to consider, though. I have qualities as a human being that I've come to appreciate, that almost certainly developed thanks to the work I've had to put into treatment. If I'd had a stable or loving childhood, or been 'cured' of my trauma sooner, I wouldn't have spent the years I have learning how to be a better person. Like picking up on the emotions of others. I do it to a hyper extent, constantly doing something I call 'temperature checking the room'. It's officially called hypervigilance and is a heightened sense that children in dangerous environments are forced to develop to stay safe. Are they mad? Do I need to be wary? Have I done something wrong? How can I fix this? What can I do to calm them down? All understandable thoughts for a little kid to have when they're just trying to stay alert and mitigate danger. When it comes to mental health, maybe my number was always going to be drafted at conception, bad childhood or not. But as an adult, I initially hated my hypervigilance. I found it exhausting to be constantly assessing my surroundings and the people in them. And while treatment hasn't got rid of it completely, it has helped me turn it into a quality I'm now proud to have. I understand now that while my hypervigilant brain may pick up on something going on with a person, I have no way of knowing what it is. So now I try to take that hypervigilance and filter it through empathy and insight, giving me the chance to check in with people about how they're feeling if I do pick up on something. My childhood gave me the ability to observe people out of necessity, and my treatment gave me the ability to turn that into something positive. (Hypervigilance also means I notice the kind of tiny, nonsense details that make me a ridiculously brilliant gift-giver. The list goes on, people!) Do I wish my childhood had been different? I just ... I don't know. That's why my answer to that question changes all the time. There is no simple answer. It's nature and nurture. It's frustration at the past and pride at surviving it. It's wishing I knew what it felt like to have an awesome dad like Richard Glover, and knowing so much of what is great about me wouldn't exist without the dad I did have. Loading What would my life look like if I didn't have a broken brain? I don't know if it would be better or worse. The boring answer is probably a bit of both. What I do know for sure, though, is that I wouldn't be the exact person I am right now, with all the brilliance and all the flaws, if everything hadn't gone exactly the way it has so far. And the person I am right now? I really, really like her.
Scottish Sun
27-05-2025
- Lifestyle
- Scottish Sun
I'm an interiors expert – here's the 9 living room trends that make your home look outdated, your big light says it all
And scroll down to see what rug and curtain rules you should be following too OUT WITH THE OLD OUT WITH THE OLD I'm an interiors expert – here's the 9 living room trends that make your home look outdated, your big light says it all SPRING is the perfect time to give your living room the refresh it's been waiting for. But it's important to create a timeless space that won't look outdated as soon as new trends sweep in. Advertisement 4 Interiors expert Paula says the minimalist look is out Credit: Getty To help, interior designer Paulina Wojas from Stunning Chairs has revealed the nine trends that make your living room look old-fashioned. From cheesy prints to trend traps, avoiding these decorating mishaps can keep your living room looking stylish for longer. Paulina says: 'When designing our homes, we want to reflect our personalities to create a special and unique space. "When going through a checklist of trends, you're never finding décor that resonates with you. Advertisement "It's time to ditch the outdated looks that quickly become tiresome and dreary and opt for a more personalised and vibrant look.' Here, Paula discusses the nine trends that she wants homeowners to ditch. Slogan-heavy prints 'Framed quotes and words no longer add charm to a room", the interiors pro insists. Walls crammed with 'Cosy Vibes Only' and 'Live Laugh Love' fill space; they don't inject personality or atmosphere. Advertisement She adds: "Slogan-heavy prints have been overused and now feel more like a cliche. "Instead, opt for thoughtful artwork to add an element of luxury to your home. Consider framed prints with a more profound message rather than the obvious words of a print.' I'm a DIY fan and swear by a seven colour room that makes any home feel like it's been designed by a pro Matching furniture sets Paula says another telltale sign that "screams outdated" is having matching furniture sets. She adds: "What once added coordination and symmetry to a space now appears to lack creativity and visual interest." Advertisement Instead, she suggests pairing your sofa with an accent chair of a different material and colour for a more contemporary look. "Adding contrast to your furniture set can create a more inspiring home that reveals more about your character", she insists. Overly matching cushions and throws 'While matching cushions and throws to your sofa or chair can feel cohesive, overdoing it can look staged", Paula continues. "Sticking to obvious colours and fabrics can come across as unimaginative." Advertisement The interiors expert suggests trying contrasting colours and patterns to add depth instead. For example, pairing a blue velvet chair with orange patterned cushions and throws can create a characterful look.' 4 Paula says a lack of colour makes your home look outdated Credit: Getty 4 But you should mix and match colours like above Credit: Getty Advertisement Too minimalist Paula claims minimalism is a "trend that is slowly dying". While it offered a fresh, uncluttered look, she insists it lacked warmth and personality. Instead, bringing in cosy colours to eliminate that 'museum-like' feel is preferred. Paula adds: "This trend also restricted expression in the home, making it too difficult to add a variety of objects and materials.' Advertisement Trend traps 'Trends come and go, and overly leaning into one theme can make a space feel repetitive and quickly outdated", Paula continues. She claims that it can also make incorporating other furniture pieces more challenging, as furnishing with one theme in mind restricts your options. For example, choosing a "farmhouse" aesthetic can limit you to rustic décor, which can feel outdated if not tastefully integrated into the home. She says: "I recommend incorporating a mix of themes into your space to showcase your taste rather than following every trend." Advertisement Short curtains 'There are several reasons why short curtains should be left in the past. Short curtains can make your room seem smaller and disrupt the room's harmony. If your short curtains are patterned, they can also feel overpowering and disproportionate. On the other hand, floor-length curtains create a much more flattering appearance, making your room look bigger and more luxurious.' The big light 'The big ceiling light has become a hot topic among Gen Z, with one viral TikTok video titled 'Why Big Lights Should Be Banned' racking up over 80 million views. Harsh overhead lights can feel too clinical for the living room, and most households are steering away from them. There's a growing desire for softer, layered lighting to create a more welcoming atmosphere. Warm-toned bulbs in table lamps and additions like salt lamps are an easy way to introduce a cosy, ambient glow.' Advertisement 4 The size of the rug can affect the overall look of your living room Credit: Alamy Rugs that don't fit the space 'A common decorating mishap is adding a rug that doesn't match the layout or size of the room. Whether too large or too small, a rug that poorly matches the floor can undermine the overall balance of the room. Too small a rug can make the space feel disjointed and unfinished, while one that's too big can overwhelm the room and clash with your décor. For a well-fitted rug, think about how it can anchor the room's seating area. The front feet of the sofa and armchair should rest on the carpet, creating a more cosy and synchronised feel.' Monochromatic colour schemes While a monochromatic colour scheme like grey on grey can offer an elegant look, Paula insists that we are "shifting towards more vibrant designs". Advertisement She says: "The problem with monochromatic palettes is not enough contrast between light and dark hues, leading to a lack of visual interest. "Instead, try making your home feel more unique using an extensive range of colours and textures. This will bring in a bolder, less predictable look that resonates with you."
The Irish Sun
27-05-2025
- Lifestyle
- The Irish Sun
I'm an interiors expert – here's the 9 living room trends that make your home look outdated, your big light says it all
SPRING is the perfect time to give your living room the refresh it's been waiting for. But it's important to create a timeless space that won't look outdated as soon as new trends sweep in. 4 Interiors expert Paula says the minimalist look is out Credit: Getty To help, interior designer Paulina Wojas from From cheesy prints to trend traps, avoiding these decorating mishaps can keep your living room looking stylish for longer. Paulina says: 'When designing our homes, we want to reflect our personalities to create a special and unique space. "When going through a checklist of trends, you're never finding décor that resonates with you. "It's time to ditch the outdated looks that quickly become tiresome and dreary and opt for a more personalised and vibrant look.' Here, Paula discusses the nine trends that she wants homeowners to ditch. Slogan-heavy prints 'Framed quotes and words no longer add charm to a room", the interiors pro insists. Walls crammed with 'Cosy Vibes Only' and 'Live Laugh Love' fill space; they don't inject personality or atmosphere. Most read in Fabulous She adds: "Slogan-heavy prints have been overused and now feel more like a cliche. "Instead, opt for thoughtful artwork to add an element of luxury to your home. Consider framed prints with a more profound message rather than the obvious words of a print.' I'm a DIY fan and swear by a seven colour room that makes any home feel like it's been designed by a pro Matching furniture sets Paula says another telltale sign that "screams outdated" is having matching furniture sets. She adds: "What once added coordination and symmetry to a space now appears to lack creativity and visual interest." Instead, she suggests pairing your sofa with an accent chair of a different material and colour for a more contemporary look. "Adding contrast to your furniture set can create a more inspiring home that reveals more about your character", she insists. Overly matching cushions and throws 'While matching cushions and throws to your sofa or chair can feel cohesive, overdoing it can look staged", Paula continues. "Sticking to obvious colours and fabrics can come across as unimaginative." The interiors expert suggests trying contrasting colours and patterns to add depth instead. For example, pairing a blue velvet chair with orange patterned cushions and throws can create a characterful look.' 4 Paula says a lack of colour makes your home look outdated Credit: Getty 4 But you should mix and match colours like above Credit: Getty Too minimalist Paula claims minimalism is a "trend that is slowly dying". While it offered a fresh, uncluttered look, she insists it lacked warmth and personality. Instead, bringing in cosy colours to eliminate that 'museum-like' feel is preferred. Paula adds: "This trend also restricted expression in the home, making it too difficult to add a variety of objects and materials.' Trend traps 'Trends come and go, and overly leaning into one theme can make a space feel repetitive and quickly outdated", Paula continues. She claims that it can also make incorporating other furniture pieces more challenging, as furnishing with one theme in mind restricts your options. For example, choosing a "farmhouse" aesthetic can limit you to rustic décor, which can feel outdated if not tastefully integrated into the home. She says: "I recommend incorporating a mix of themes into your space to showcase your taste rather than following every trend." Short curtains 'There are several reasons why short curtains should be left in the past. Short curtains can make your room seem smaller and disrupt the room's harmony. If your short curtains are patterned, they can also feel overpowering and disproportionate. On the other hand, floor-length curtains create a much more flattering appearance, making your room look bigger and more luxurious.' The big light 'The big ceiling light has become a hot topic among Gen Z, with one viral There's a growing desire for softer, layered lighting to create a more welcoming atmosphere. Warm-toned bulbs in table lamps and additions like salt lamps are an easy way to introduce a cosy, ambient glow.' 4 The size of the rug can affect the overall look of your living room Credit: Alamy Rugs that don't fit the space 'A common decorating mishap is adding a rug that doesn't match the layout or size of the room. Whether too large or too small, a rug that poorly matches the floor can undermine the overall balance of the room. Too small a rug can make the space feel disjointed and unfinished, while one that's too big can overwhelm the room and clash with your décor. For a well-fitted rug, think about how it can anchor the room's seating area. The front feet of the sofa and armchair should rest on the carpet, creating a more cosy and synchronised feel.' Monochromatic colour schemes While a monochromatic colour scheme like grey on grey can offer an elegant look, Paula insists that we are "shifting towards more vibrant designs". Read more on the Irish Sun She says: "The problem with monochromatic palettes is not enough contrast between light and dark hues, leading to a lack of visual interest. "Instead, try making your home feel more unique using an extensive range of colours and textures. This will bring in a bolder, less predictable look that resonates with you."
Metro
23-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Metro
Chicken wine, pizza and indoor rollerskating: The rise of the adult sleepover
Don't grow up, it's a trap. The cheesy slogan usually found on canvases in the heavily discounted section of Homesense alongside the Live Laugh Love mirrors may be clichéd, but they could have a point. Maybe it's why we're seeing a rise in adults over the last decade reclaiming their youth, from putting themselves through ridiculously physical obstacle courses, to attaching Labubus dolls to their work bags, and furiously collecting items they would have once thrown in the bin so they can glue them into a junk journal. And now there's another childhood obsession grabbing attention all over social media – the good old-fashioned sleepover. Once the highlight of many school social calendars, laughs, tears and secrets were shared over scary movies, face masks, and a few prank calls (if you could perfect an anonymous accent), creating some of our most cherished memories. And while we're not suggesting putting 141 in front of your number to call your boss as your friends giggle in the background, there still could be merit in those overnight stays. There's no denying that they are having a moment. The hashtag #sleepover has reached 1.2 million on TikTok, and celebs like the Kardashians and Ariana Grande are linking up to join in the hype with a Wicked-themed stayover. Meanwhile, influencers Saffron Barker and Imogen Cribb have just launched nightwear brand Girl Uniform with sleepovers in mind. Companies such as Sleepovers & Co and Tee Pee Vibe Tribe have also got in the act, organising luxury sleepovers specifically for grown-ups. Their packages can include prosecco pong, breakfast trays, and personalised cups, and they decorate spaces with balloon garlands, fairy lights and pillows, all in a rose gold hue, of course. The tourism industry is lapping it up too, with The Shankly hotel in Liverpool offering rooms of ten, while the Rooftop Film Club hosts PJ parties, with guests invited to wear pyjamas and watch romcoms such as Mamma Mia. 'Revisiting sleepovers as adults isn't regressive, it's restorative. It reconnects us with parts of ourselves we've learned to silence,' psychologist Dr. Lalitaa Suglani tells Metro. 'As we grow up, we're taught, often subtly, that joy should give way to productivity, responsibility, and self-sufficiency. Childlike play and softness are seen as indulgent or immature. Fun is often the first thing to go when life gets busy, but it's one of the most powerful tools for emotional well-being. 'The truth is, prioritising fun, especially with people we trust, helps regulate our nervous system, strengthen bonds, and create positive emotional memories, it meets the core emotional needs of connection, belonging, and presence. It reminds us that we are more than what we do, we are allowed to feel joy.' When I asked my girl group chats for their views on the pastime, the responses were enthusiastic. Many were already in on the trend, heading to a friend's house on a Friday straight from work and not leaving until Saturday afternoon. Those who hadn't thought about sleepovers for years were instantly yearning for one at the mere mention. I have been an enthusiastic supporter since first moving to London ten years ago. Their introduction was initially a means of practicality; instead of riding the night bus after an evening catch-up, it felt safer and less tiring to bring an overnight bag. But it isn't just the ease that has meant my bathroom drawer is filled with toothbrushes purposely left behind by my pals, as their stays are so frequent, it's the joy of the act. While it's still fun to put on our highest heels and knock back picantes in bustling bars, there's something about sitting in comfortable silence while watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days for the tenth time, or chatting about our future dreams over a pack of Revels. It is my opinion that, as romantic partners often get to enjoy these low-key moments daily, friends, who are just as important, deserve them too. 'There's a growing desire for deeper, more meaningful connections, especially after years of digital interaction and isolation. 'Social media has helped normalise adult sleepovers by showcasing them as not just acceptable, but emotionally rewarding,' adds Dr Suglani. 'Many are craving the kind of closeness, low-pressure, cosy and caring environment that sleepovers naturally create.' Midnight meetings aren't just for millennials and Gen Z. 57-year-old Gen X-er Sam Adams regularly has overnight stays with her close friends. She and her pals have done everything from singing into hairbrushes to burlesque dancing in the living room and roller-skating around a conservatory, but mainly they just catch up over prosecco and popcorn. Sam believes that a certain level of intimacy can only be achieved through having no time limit in a home setting. She says it's the intoxicating mixture of 'comfort and chaos' that keeps her continually coming back for more. 'There is a freedom to be your unfiltered self, no need to rush home, no pressure to perform, just showing up as you are with make-up off and comfies on,' she tells Metro. 'There's a kind of magic in staying up too late. No agenda, no masks, just a chance to talk rubbish, laugh until someone snorts, and then wake up in a pile of duvets. It's nourishing and somehow more real than anything else.' There's also the beauty of having no strangers listening in on conversations as they might do in a busy restaurant or bar. 'When the outside world is quiet, the deeper stuff comes up — fears, heartbreaks, wild dreams. It's vulnerable in the best way,' says Sam. It's not just your mental health that will benefit, either; sleepovers are kind to your bank balance too. With nine in 10 of us calling the cost of living the most important issue facing the UK**, a price tag that covers no more than a bottle of chicken wine and a Domino's takeaway cannot be overlooked. There is often a heavy 'friendship tax'; an hour or two together outside the home could end up costing big – the average night out is approximately £73. This could mean you've spent more than your monthly phone bill, and you've not even had time to get to the nitty gritty topics, such as who deserves to play Britney Spears in the rumoured biopic. The activity doesn't require too much pre-planning either, which can appeal to those fed up with WhatsApp location polls or chats of nights out that never happen. You simply pick a date and show up. This can be something that is especially appreciated if a friendship group are going through different life stages. Lindsey Frodsham, 32, tells Metro: 'My friends are starting to have kids now, and a sleepover means they don't need a babysitter. 'My mum mates have found the lifestyle change can be isolating, but this is something we can still do together, and they appreciate it.' One of the reasons sleepovers were so important when we were kids is that they came at a time when friendships were placed at the centre of our worlds, but in adulthood, this is often replaced by romantic love, careers and families. 'It's easy to drift from friends, but I've found it's so important to make time for them in the same way as family and partners because different relationships bring unique benefits to my life,' adds Lindsey. With the UK amid a loneliness epidemic – where a quarter of adults say they felt lonely often, always or some of the time – she has a point. More Trending 'Loneliness isn't just about being alone, it's about not feeling seen or known,' Dr Suglani says. 'Sleepovers offer quality time where masks can drop and a real connection can form. They remind us that we're allowed to take up space in someone else's life, and that we're not meant to go through life unsupported. 'Sleepovers can build emotional safety, which is the foundation of secure, lasting relationships. That kind of connection lowers stress, strengthens resilience, and helps us feel more anchored in our lives.' Sam agrees: 'We need people who see us in all our states — joyful, messy, lost, loud — and still choose to stay close. Especially as adults, when life gets busy and curated, we need real connection more than ever.' Dr. Lalitaa Suglani spoke to Metro on behalf of search trends experts Big Fat Link. Research by Allied Market Research, Office for National Statistics and Statista Do you have a story you'd like to share? Get in touch by emailing Share your views in the comments below.
