20-05-2025
Scotland Highlands bus tour shows you the best of the region
Passing the ancient stronghold of Stirling Castle, Alistair regales tales of William Wallace and Robert the Bruce and reveals that while William Wallace was hanged, drawn and quartered, he was not known as Braveheart. Instead, the real Braveheart was Robert the Bruce, who, inspired by a spider's persistence to anchor its web, defeated King Edward 11 in the Battle of Bannockburn. We also pass the grave of Rob Roy MacGregor, known as the Scottish Robin Hood.
Our refreshment stop is at the Gateway to the Highlands in the charming town of Callander. Nestled near Loch Lomond in the heart of the Trossachs National Park, it offers an array of gift shops and bakeries.
Further along, Alistair points out some hairy Highland coos (cows). We stop to swap hairdressing tips as Alistair tells us their glamorous ginger fringes double as fly swatters and weather shields against rain, snow and sleet. We feed carrots to the three gentle giants and give them head massages before we leave.
Entering the U-shaped glacial valleys of the Highlands, it's like we've slipped into cinematic legend. Not only were Braveheart and Rob Roy filmed here, but also Harry Potter, Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Skyfall, where James Bond returns to his Scottish roots.
I suspect I've also slipped into Outlander country, imagining Jamie and Claire Fraser strolling hand-in-hand through the glen.
Within Lochaber Geopark, we traverse the low road flanked by volcanic crags, their treeless slopes strewn with cascading scree. The hauntingly beautiful Glen Coe, once home to hundreds of Highlanders, is known as 'The Weeping Glen'. Alistair recounts the tragedy of 1692, when 38 members of Clan MacDonald were massacred after welcoming government soldiers into their homes under the guise of Highland hospitality.
Passing Britain's highest mountain, Ben Nevis, we arrive at Fort Augustus on the Caledonian Canal, and the legendary Loch Ness.
After lunch at the Loch Inn, where I balk at ordering a Haggis Burger, we board the Spirit of Loch Ness for a one-hour cruise. Our boat has state-of-the-art sonars that beam live images on screens. Sean, our captain, gives us hilarious yet gripping commentary.
Part of the 250m-deep, peat-infused water is named Nessie's Lair. Only two people have reached the bottom, where, even with lights, they gained no vision. Images of a rift valley appear on the underwater scanner, and the sonar picks up large shadows.
The first mysterious sighting dates to 565 AD when St Columba saw the monster attacking a man and commanded him to stop. This spawned hundreds of witness accounts referencing a creature lurking beneath the surface. Sean tells us that images of 8m-long sturgeons, hundreds of years old, have been picked up. Could these be the monsters?
In 2018, New Zealand scientists tested the waters for DNA while delving into the theory that a plesiosaur had survived the dinosaur extinction. The DNA results surprisingly revealed creatures 'larger than a shark and smaller than a whale'. The abyss was filled with giant eels! I do manage to snap a photo of Nessie, but confess it was a Nessie transfer some canny Scot had applied to the window beside me.
As the afternoon settles in, we head back to Edinburgh, briefly stopping at the Commando Monument and training ground for Britain's Special Forces, before veering south through Monarch of the Glen country in the Cairngorms National Park.
Our final refreshment stop is at Queen Victoria's favourite village, Pitlochry, where we indulge in its famous whisky ice-cream in salute to our Highland adventure.
Back in the coach, Alistair introduces us to a host of Scottish musicians such as The Red Hot Chilli Pipers. Soon we're singing our way to Edinburgh with the refrain from The Proclaimers' famous song, 'But I would walk five hundred miles; And I would walk five hundred more', even though we've only travelled 340 miles on our 12-hour round trip through the Highlands of Bonnie Scotland.
