17 hours ago
'My husband died suddenly, leaving me with three kids – but I'm turning things around now'
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'I was sitting in my dining room, and I just started crying – I couldn't stop the tears,' begins Lucy Melville, 56. 'The grief that had built up over the previous 15 months came pouring out in one evening.
'My husband had died a little over a year before, I had lost my job, my three kids had all moved out of the house, and to top it all off, I was perimenopausal. I felt I was becoming invisible, shrivelling up, and that the world was telling me my time was up.
'I sat there, snot oozing out of my throat and nose, and briefly wondered how many paracetamol tablets it would take to stop all of this. This wasn't the life I had planned – a life without Brian and without my work family.
'We'd been married for just over 25 years when Brian was told he had stage four small cell carcinoma in May 2024. It had established itself in his lung and metastasized into his liver.
"Doctors said it was inoperable – that he was facing a terminal diagnosis. Soon after, he was given weeks, possibly only days to live.
'Not even six weeks after initially visiting the doctor, Brian died. My son called to tell me the news whilst I was out of the house searching for pain relief for him.
"I knew it was my responsibility to take care of our kids. I went into control mode – planning his funeral and doing his probate."
'After he died, I only took one week off work. I was a global publishing director at the time, having worked for the same company for 14 years. I threw myself into work, delaying my grief, pretending my world wasn't falling apart.
'Because Brian's life insurance policy had just matured out, I only had my salary after his death, and the sudden sole responsibility for putting three kids through college on my own.
'When I was informed of my redundancy in August 2024, I felt betrayed. I was signed off work and had my salary deducted for a brief period. I had worked so hard for that company, and it had formed part of my identity – an identity that was now gone.
"How was I meant to provide for myself and my college-age children without a job?"
'At the same time, I was experiencing perimenopause. Aside from the physical symptoms, menopause made me feel I was becoming redundant as a woman too. All the tropes about growing old felt true.
'To top it all off – the death of my husband, the evidence of ageing, and the loss of my job – I had become an empty nester, no longer extensively needed for my children's daily needs, and not enjoying the period of life my husband and I had planned together. I had never felt so isolated.
'That evening in my dining room, as I cried uncontrollably, a friend called me. I told her I couldn't do this anymore. She phoned one of my daughters out of concern, asking if someone could come to visit me. Another friend came to my door, and silently she entered and just held me."
'It was this evening in October 2024 – my lowest point – when I knew I had to do something to turn things around, and the spark lit again.
'The next day, I started networking on LinkedIn with publishing contacts to find work as a consultant.
"I found consultancy work, and was invited to a meeting with a client to set up my own publishing company with them because of my vast experience. When I said I couldn't put up the investment, the client offered to invest in me. I've now co-founded my own publishing company, River Light Press, with these wonderful business partners.
'For someone to say, in the depths of my despair, that they believed in me felt so affirming.
'I started paying for grief therapy, too. Although extraordinarily expensive, it was money well spent. My therapist saw such a huge transformation after a few months that she eventually suggested we conclude our regular meetings.
'In the last 18 months, I've pursued my love of acting and poetry. I've landed a part in The Importance of Being Earnest at my local playhouse in Oxford, read my poetry – which touches on grief and loss with a bit of humor – in front of crowds at a local venue, and sung in some concerts."
'All of this living has been done with Brian in mind. Right before he died, he told me I would go on to live, to be loved, and to love again.
"I want to go on living, because he can't. He didn't have a choice.
"I owe it to him, my kids, and myself to live the best possible life – to be fulfilled."
