Latest news with #Margolin
Yahoo
28-05-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
At 35, I was diagnosed with autism. Here are the 7 ways it's changed how I parent.
The founders of the popular parenting platform Big Little Feelings — moms and real-life best friends Deena Margolin, a child therapist specializing in interpersonal neurobiology, and Kristin Gallant, a parenting coach with a background in maternal and child education — are known for having 'ridiculously honest' conversations. And now they're bringing their wisdom to Yahoo in a new column called , a companion to their podcast, After Bedtime With Big Little Feelings. In the first episode of their show, Margolin reveals that she was diagnosed with autism level 1 at age 35, calling it 'one of the most healing experiences in my whole life.' Here, Margolin shares the accommodations she uses to navigate parenting while on the spectrum without becoming overwhelmed or burned out — and the lessons all parents can learn from putting their needs first. Before having kids, my life was extremely structured. I'd have the same breakfast every single day, take a 30-minute beach walk and meditate, prioritizing wellness and sticking to a checklist. I put routines in place to stave off burnout, meltdowns, shutdowns and fight extreme fatigue. But then I had kids and it all crumbled. For years, I consulted doctor after doctor for help and their responses would always be like, 'You're so young, you're so healthy, you work out, you shouldn't be so tired.' So why does my body hurt? Why am I having such a hard time just existing? And then just recently, as a 35-year-old pregnant mom to two toddler boys, I was diagnosed with autism. Bright lights, loud noises and restricting clothing — all of this was overwhelming my system. Getting this diagnosis has helped me become more aware of what overstimulates me and what I need to avoid. My nervous system burns out being around crowds and lots of background noise, so I've found ways to adjust. For example, we go to fun kid places — like pumpkin patches, children's museums, play gyms, the zoo, etc. — right when they open or at times I know are low-traffic. That way, the environment works better for me. I can stay more present, less overwhelmed and genuinely have more fun with my kids. Then we leave once it starts to get crowded or overwhelming. I'm still learning, but here are some other ways I'm navigating neurodivergent parenting. I set boundaries unapologetically around social interactions. My husband takes our kids to most birthday parties, as I know that will burn my nervous system out completely due to noise and constant small talk. I schedule playdates only at specific days, times and locations that I know will work better for my needs. I will also reschedule if I'm completely out of energy, and am so grateful to have mom friends (I really only have Kristin and two other mom friends!) who completely understand and aren't offended — just like I'm not offended if they need to reschedule because they don't have the energy. I'm actually honored that they feel so safe and comfortable with me to be honest and say, 'Hey, today I just don't have it in me; let's find another day soon.' I build in downtime to reset. While I absolutely love going on adventures with my kids, I build in time right after to reset. Sometimes that's by having a plan for my husband to take over at a certain time. Sometimes it's using my boys' downtime to nap. Other times we'll just snuggle up on the couch and watch a little TV together; I love those moments with them. I don't expect my house to be perfect. I've always had trouble putting dirty clothes in a hamper, folding laundry and putting clean laundry back on shelves. I know no one likes doing these tasks, but to me they feel painful and nearly impossible. A few systems that work for me are: (A) putting all our dirty clothes directly into the washing machine each day, (B) having my husband be in charge of folding and putting clean clothes in drawers (this task doesn't feel like torture to him!) and (C) 'body doubling' with my kids or husband, which means having another person there with you to clean the floors, load the dishes, deal with laundry and vacuum. Having an accountability partner can make it feel easier than trying to do it alone when you have difficulties with executive functioning. I carve out time for special interests. My special interests are farm animals, watching Formula 1 racing, researching well-being and child development, and working out. I now prioritize these more and intentionally carve out times to get into these activities. Doing these things makes me feel whole and alive and inspired and prevents autistic burnout. For a neurotypical person, doing less often fills their cup. But for a neurodivergent person, sometimes doing more — and doing their special interests specifically — is what fills their cup! I wear sunglasses inside. I struggle when there are big overhead lights and fluorescent lights, like the ones used in supermarkets, malls and department stores. So now I wear sunglasses to keep my nervous system more regulated and prevent burnout. It makes such a difference for my energy and bandwidth. Sometimes people make comments about it, but I am learning to be OK with that and put my needs ahead of the discomfort of it seeming 'odd' by social standards. I wear earplugs. I wear Loop Earplugs on outings, like at a sports event, a kids' play space, during loud car moments or times at home when my kids are crying or excited and being loud. I pop them in and I can still hear; they just dampen the volume level, which feels like a warm, cozy hug for my nervous system. I can help my kids through their big feelings better when I stay regulated. I can join in on their excitement more when I don't feel completely overwhelmed by the volume level. I wear a uniform. I wear the same few clothes that are comfortable, usually all black, really soft with no tags or seams, and it helps me stay regulated. I love my uniform and just rock it now without any shame! There was a lot of yelling in my childhood home. This is not a pattern I want to repeat with my own kids. All parents have hard moments, hit their breaking point, yell and lose their s*** sometimes — that's just part of being human, and in those moments we pause, reset and then repair with our kids. My goal is for yelling not to be a go-to punishment, discipline strategy or daily occurrence. I'm learning to have more self-awareness around my sensory sensitivities and when overwhelmed, taking a moment to pause and name what I'm feeling. In practice, that conversation may be like: 'Hey boys, my body is getting overloaded with the noise and this type of play, so I'm putting my earplugs in and am taking a moment to reset. I'll be right over here if you need me.' It's usually not said in a super calm, angelic way — it's real, I sound a little tense because I'm starting to feel a little tense and overwhelmed. But learning to embrace my sensitivities and work with them, rather than try to just white-knuckle through it, helps me yell less, and I am grateful for this journey. I think the core lesson is total self-acceptance and a reframe on healing. What if healing isn't about fixing yourself? What if the wound was never that you were broken, but that you were made to believe you had to become someone else to be loved? We're sold the idea that healing means grinding through a never-ending self-improvement checklist: Do more; feel less; be better. But what if the most radical healing isn't becoming someone new, it's remembering who you were before the world told you to shrink? Maybe healing looks like ... listening to the overwhelm instead of trying to just power through. Embracing the parts that are different, that feel most at peace when not following certain social norms and letting that just be OK. Creating a life that fits your nervous system, not one that pleases everyone else. This isn't about becoming your highest self, it's about finally coming home to yourself. Just maybe, that's the real revolution: not becoming more, but finally believing you were always enough.
Yahoo
28-05-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
At 35, I was diagnosed with autism. Here are the 7 ways it's changed how I parent.
The founders of the popular parenting platform Big Little Feelings — moms and real-life best friends Deena Margolin, a child therapist specializing in interpersonal neurobiology, and Kristin Gallant, a parenting coach with a background in maternal and child education — are known for having 'ridiculously honest' conversations. And now they're bringing their wisdom to Yahoo in a new column called , a companion to their podcast, After Bedtime With Big Little Feelings. In the first episode of their show, Margolin reveals that she was diagnosed with autism level 1 at age 35, calling it 'one of the most healing experiences in my whole life.' Here, Margolin shares the accommodations she uses to navigate parenting while on the spectrum without becoming overwhelmed or burned out — and the lessons all parents can learn from putting their needs first. Before having kids, my life was extremely structured. I'd have the same breakfast every single day, take a 30-minute beach walk and meditate, prioritizing wellness and sticking to a checklist. I put routines in place to stave off burnout, meltdowns, shutdowns and fight extreme fatigue. But then I had kids and it all crumbled. For years, I consulted doctor after doctor for help and their responses would always be like, 'You're so young, you're so healthy, you work out, you shouldn't be so tired.' So why does my body hurt? Why am I having such a hard time just existing? And then just recently, as a 35-year-old pregnant mom to two toddler boys, I was diagnosed with autism. Bright lights, loud noises and restricting clothing — all of this was overwhelming my system. Getting this diagnosis has helped me become more aware of what overstimulates me and what I need to avoid. My nervous system burns out being around crowds and lots of background noise, so I've found ways to adjust. For example, we go to fun kid places — like pumpkin patches, children's museums, play gyms, the zoo, etc. — right when they open or at times I know are low-traffic. That way, the environment works better for me. I can stay more present, less overwhelmed and genuinely have more fun with my kids. Then we leave once it starts to get crowded or overwhelming. I'm still learning, but here are some other ways I'm navigating neurodivergent parenting. I set boundaries unapologetically around social interactions. My husband takes our kids to most birthday parties, as I know that will burn my nervous system out completely due to noise and constant small talk. I schedule playdates only at specific days, times and locations that I know will work better for my needs. I will also reschedule if I'm completely out of energy, and am so grateful to have mom friends (I really only have Kristin and two other mom friends!) who completely understand and aren't offended — just like I'm not offended if they need to reschedule because they don't have the energy. I'm actually honored that they feel so safe and comfortable with me to be honest and say, 'Hey, today I just don't have it in me; let's find another day soon.' I build in downtime to reset. While I absolutely love going on adventures with my kids, I build in time right after to reset. Sometimes that's by having a plan for my husband to take over at a certain time. Sometimes it's using my boys' downtime to nap. Other times we'll just snuggle up on the couch and watch a little TV together; I love those moments with them. I don't expect my house to be perfect. I've always had trouble putting dirty clothes in a hamper, folding laundry and putting clean laundry back on shelves. I know no one likes doing these tasks, but to me they feel painful and nearly impossible. A few systems that work for me are: (A) putting all our dirty clothes directly into the washing machine each day, (B) having my husband be in charge of folding and putting clean clothes in drawers (this task doesn't feel like torture to him!) and (C) 'body doubling' with my kids or husband, which means having another person there with you to clean the floors, load the dishes, deal with laundry and vacuum. Having an accountability partner can make it feel easier than trying to do it alone when you have difficulties with executive functioning. I carve out time for special interests. My special interests are farm animals, watching Formula 1 racing, researching well-being and child development, and working out. I now prioritize these more and intentionally carve out times to get into these activities. Doing these things makes me feel whole and alive and inspired and prevents autistic burnout. For a neurotypical person, doing less often fills their cup. But for a neurodivergent person, sometimes doing more — and doing their special interests specifically — is what fills their cup! I wear sunglasses inside. I struggle when there are big overhead lights and fluorescent lights, like the ones used in supermarkets, malls and department stores. So now I wear sunglasses to keep my nervous system more regulated and prevent burnout. It makes such a difference for my energy and bandwidth. Sometimes people make comments about it, but I am learning to be OK with that and put my needs ahead of the discomfort of it seeming 'odd' by social standards. I wear earplugs. I wear Loop Earplugs on outings, like at a sports event, a kids' play space, during loud car moments or times at home when my kids are crying or excited and being loud. I pop them in and I can still hear; they just dampen the volume level, which feels like a warm, cozy hug for my nervous system. I can help my kids through their big feelings better when I stay regulated. I can join in on their excitement more when I don't feel completely overwhelmed by the volume level. I wear a uniform. I wear the same few clothes that are comfortable, usually all black, really soft with no tags or seams, and it helps me stay regulated. I love my uniform and just rock it now without any shame! There was a lot of yelling in my childhood home. This is not a pattern I want to repeat with my own kids. All parents have hard moments, hit their breaking point, yell and lose their s*** sometimes — that's just part of being human, and in those moments we pause, reset and then repair with our kids. My goal is for yelling not to be a go-to punishment, discipline strategy or daily occurrence. I'm learning to have more self-awareness around my sensory sensitivities and when overwhelmed, taking a moment to pause and name what I'm feeling. In practice, that conversation may be like: 'Hey boys, my body is getting overloaded with the noise and this type of play, so I'm putting my earplugs in and am taking a moment to reset. I'll be right over here if you need me.' It's usually not said in a super calm, angelic way — it's real, I sound a little tense because I'm starting to feel a little tense and overwhelmed. But learning to embrace my sensitivities and work with them, rather than try to just white-knuckle through it, helps me yell less, and I am grateful for this journey. I think the core lesson is total self-acceptance and a reframe on healing. What if healing isn't about fixing yourself? What if the wound was never that you were broken, but that you were made to believe you had to become someone else to be loved? We're sold the idea that healing means grinding through a never-ending self-improvement checklist: Do more; feel less; be better. But what if the most radical healing isn't becoming someone new, it's remembering who you were before the world told you to shrink? Maybe healing looks like ... listening to the overwhelm instead of trying to just power through. Embracing the parts that are different, that feel most at peace when not following certain social norms and letting that just be OK. Creating a life that fits your nervous system, not one that pleases everyone else. This isn't about becoming your highest self, it's about finally coming home to yourself. Just maybe, that's the real revolution: not becoming more, but finally believing you were always enough.
Yahoo
07-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
The One Surprising Phrase You Should Stop Saying to Your Child or Grandchild
There are certain parenting habits that, in recent years, moms and dads have been more vocal about breaking—like not apologizing to children, expecting kids to hug anyone who asks and more. With greater access to psychology-backed insights thanks to social media, podcasts and helpful books, plenty of parents and grandparents have been changing their approach to different aspects of their kids' or grandkids' upbringing. While gentle parenting has been a game-changer for many mothers and fathers—prioritizing communication, validation and respect, while still holding to boundaries and rules—it's not just how you say things to children, but what you say as well. Parent coach Kristin Gallant and licensed marriage and family therapist Deena Margolin, the experts behind the popular parenting platform 'Big Little Feelings' (with 3.5 million followers on Instagram alone), share with Parade one popular phrase, in particular, that is well-meaning, but flawed. Related: 10 Things Every Kid Needs To Hear From Their Parents and Grandparents, Child Psychologists Say The Surprising Phrase You Shouldn't Use With Your Child "So, first of all, as with anything, it's not that you cannot say It's not that it's a terrible thing or your child or grandchild is going to be ruined forever—that's a pretty big misconception," Gallant begins. "But once you hear why we recommend you say it less, I think the parent or grandparent, would understand, maybe I should say this word less." The phrase, in question? "Be careful." "We have such good intentions behind it—we love our kids so, so much, we want them to be safe," Margolin acknowledges. "And we know that letting them take risks and explore things and mess up, like that is all so good for their development. So, how can we teach them to really be careful without making them nervous or fearful, and still encouraging them to take age-appropriate risks?" Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Asking These 10 Questions Why Deena and Kristin of 'Big Little Feelings' Recommend Using a Different Phrase "When you follow your kid around and go, 'Be careful, be careful, be careful, be careful,' suddenly when there's a hot stove or a car is coming, they're tuning you out every time you say, 'Be careful,'" Gallant explains. "So the dangerous thing is happening and they're like, 'Whatever,' and they keep going. That is the main reason too why we recommend using a different phrase." "When we say, 'Be careful,' all the time on repeat, it just starts to mean nothing to them," Margolin adds. "And also for little kids, a lot of times, that phrase just isn't specific enough for them. It doesn't mean a lot." Related: 11 Things a Child Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Doing Alex Stone 8 Alternative Phrases To Use "We can kind of swap that 'be careful' out for some different phrases that will really help [kids] build self-awareness and prompt some critical thinking to happen," Margolin explains. Here are some of their favorite go-to options at Big Little Feelings: 1. "Look down where you're stepping." This prompts your child to be aware of their surroundings. 2. "Hold on tightly with your hands." Suggest a helpful action, like holding on tightly, if needed. 3. "What's your plan here?" "I love that one," Margolin shares. "It really allows them to tune in and make a plan for themselves." 4. "Do you see how close you are to the edge?" "A lot of times, they're standing on something, they're on rocks," Margolin explains. "We want them to be able to look inside and make their own assessment and choices so that, eventually, they really can be in that situation independently where they're like, 'Am I being careful?'" Related: A Child Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Adopt These 10 'House Rules' ASAP 5. "Say 'help' if you need my help." "[This is] another one that I love," Margolin says. "That way, they're in control of it. They're in charge, but they know that we're there if they do need us." 6. "Do you feel safe?" This prompt gives children a chance to self-reflect and think about how they're feeling in that moment as they look closer at their surroundings. 7. "How can your hands and your feet help you here?" "When kids are climbing, [I'm] just reminding them that their hands and their feet are kind of like their go-to tool," Margolin shares. 8. "Notice [insert specific callout.]" "Here's an example, another one with rocks (my kids love rocks, so I'm thinking about rocks all the time—love some rocks)," Margolin says. "But encouraging them, 'Notice how slippery the rocks are before you step like that,' where you're really guiding their awareness." Related: 5 Phrases a Child Psychologist Is Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Saying Modeling Behavior Yourself According to Gallant, when it comes to really helping your kids out long-term, it's about doing less talking, and simply modeling healthy behaviors and actions yourself. "The best way that your kid is going to learn to be a human actually isn't saying the exact right thing[...] but first, what you need to do is do it yourself. If you want your kid to be respectful, go out in the world and let them see you treat people with respect. If you want them to be kind when you're behind somebody who's really annoying in a traffic jam, you're going to have to dig deep and be kind about this person." If you want your kids to have a healthy dose of caution and exploration, show them what that looks like by adapting some of the above phrases for yourself while you're playing with the kiddos! Up Next: Related: The #1 Hack To Get Your Child or Grandchild's Attention Without Yelling Sources
Yahoo
06-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Big Little Feelings is bringing their 'After Bedtime' podcast back. Why they're ready to dive into the 'real, messy, hilarious, sometimes hard parts of parenthood.'
For parents looking for answers as they try to navigate everything from potty training and sibling rivalry to the pressure to do everything perfectly, Big Little Feelings has been a lifesaver, offering practical advice while having 'ridiculously honest' conversations about the messiness of parenthood. It's an approach that has clearly resonated with many parents: Big Little Feelings boasts 3.5 million followers on Instagram, along with popular online parenting courses. The moms and real-life best friends behind the parenting platform are Kristin Gallant, a parenting coach with a background in maternal and child education, and Deena Margolin, a child therapist specializing in interpersonal neurobiology. Together they blend their expertise with candor, humor and 'real talk' about what it's like raising kids. Now, after a yearlong hiatus, they're bringing a parenting podcast back into the mix. The podcast, After Bedtime With Big Little Feelings, hosted by Gallant and Margolin, will relaunch with Dear Media starting on May 28, with new episodes dropping every Wednesday. The duo will be diving into some big topics, including 'imperfect marriages, miscarriages, managing toddler mania, apologizing to our kids and everything in between,' Gallant and Margolin tell Yahoo over email. 'We're going there — no topic is too big, too small or too 'did I just say that out loud?' this season,' they say. 'We're excited to talk about the invisible side of parenting that no one tells you about, how parenting can sometimes feel like Groundhog Day (and that's OK) and what it actually looks like to keep your identity and your sanity when you're raising little ones.' Gallant and Margolin say they're also digging into tougher topics with the podcast, 'like what happens to your marriage after kids and how to deal when your toddler's behavior triggers you. It's the real, messy, hilarious, sometimes hard parts of parenthood — and we promise you'll never feel alone in it.' The moms say that what makes this parenting podcast different from others is that they're not just spouting advice. 'We're in the trenches with you — laughing, crying, learning (sometimes failing) and figuring it all out in real time,' they say. 'Yes, we bring expert-backed tools, but we also bring the perspective of two real-life moms who know how overwhelming, lonely and straight-up wild parenting can be.' Their hope is that podcast feels more like 'a late-night group chat with your smartest, most supportive mom friends — the ones who keep it 100% real and remind you that you're doing way better than you think.' Both Margolin and Gallant have gone through a lot themselves since launching Big Little Feelings in 2020, from the ups and downs of infertility to new babies, and they say they've grown 'a ton' in the past five years. 'There's been a lot of joy but also a lot of pain and challenges that have stretched us and deepened our empathy for what parents are going through at every stage,' they say. 'We've learned how to hold space for grief and gratitude at the same time, and that's changed how we show up as moms and as a team.' They've also learned to give themselves 'permission' to ask for help when they need it and 'rewrite the story of what 'good parenting' really means. 'We're still learning every single day — and that's what makes this next chapter so exciting,' they say.
New York Times
20-02-2025
- Entertainment
- New York Times
Souleymane Cissé, Celebrated Malian Filmmaker, Dies at 84
Souleymane Cissé, an award-winning writer and director who became the first Black African filmmaker to win the Jury Prize at the Cannes Film Festival, died on Wednesday in Bamako, Mali. He was 84. His death was confirmed by François Margolin, a French film producer and a close friend of Mr. Cissé's for the last three decades. Mr. Cissé had just appeared at a news conference on Wednesday morning to present two prizes ahead of the Pan-African Film and Television Festival of Ouagadougou, known as Fespaco, where he had been set to head the jury. After the news conference — where he was 'talking and joking' — Mr. Cissé went to take a nap and didn't wake up, Mr. Margolin said. Mr. Cissé was catapulted to worldwide fame with the release in 1987 of 'Yeelen' ('Light' in his native Bambara). The film won the jury prize at Cannes and was nominated as the best foreign film in the 1989 Spirit Awards. The director Martin Scorsese called the film 'one of the great revelatory experiences of my moviegoing life.' Mr. Cissé had been energetic until the end of his life, Mr. Margolin said, working and traveling around the world. 'He was never an old man,' said Mr. Margolin, who said he last saw his friend about six months ago. Mr. Cissé directed his first feature-length movie, 'Den Muso,' ('The Young Girl') in 1975. The movie, in Bambara, is about a mute girl who becomes pregnant after being raped and is subsequently shunned by her family. Mr. Cissé 'pulled no punches with his debut feature,' the Museum of Modern Art said in 2022, when it hosted a viewing of the film as part of its annual International Festival of Film Preservation. The Malian authorities censored the film, and Mr. Cissé was briefly imprisoned on what MoMA described as 'trumped-up charges.' But it was 'Yeelen,' Mr. Cissé's fourth feature, that cemented his position as a top filmmaker. The movie is about a young man with magical powers who travels to his uncle with the request to fight his sorcerer father. It 'recreates the pre-modern world of the Bambara culture, where the only hint of the industrial age is the presence of a blacksmith,' The Times wrote in 1987. Mr. Scorsese has said the film helped inspire him to start the World Cinema Project, a nonprofit that restores neglected films around the world. 'Souleymane's work has had a deep and lasting effect on me,' Mr. Scorsese wrote in 2023. Souleymane Cissé was born on April 21, 1940, in Bamako, Mali's capital. He spent his high school years in Dakar, Senegal, before going to the Russian State University of Cinematography in Moscow on a scholarship, according to the Cannes Film Festival. Mr. Cissé's survivors include his daughters Fatou, a filmmaker who worked closely with her father, and Mariam. Mr. Cissé's most recent credit was the 2015 film 'O Ka' ('Our House'), his fifth to debut at Cannes. The movie tells the story of how police officers forcibly removed Mr. Cissé's four sisters from their childhood home in 2008. In 2023, Cannes honored Mr. Cissé again, this time with the Carrosse d'Or — the Golden Coach Award — a prize given by the Society of French Directors. Mr. Cissé became the second African filmmaker to win that prize after Ousmane Sembène, a Senegalese director, who won the prize at the 2005 festival. 'If the profession recognizes the films you have made,' Mr. Cissé told a French radio broadcaster in 2023. 'I think it's an exceptional reward.' In that interview, he also expressed optimism for the future of African filmmaking, saying that he did not think it would take 15 more years for another director from the continent to win the Golden Coach Award. He also emphasized the importance of African filmmaking. 'Africa cannot be transported to France or Europe or the United States,' he said. 'Africa is transported through images.'
