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Indian Express

‘Main thodi rubabwali thi': When Mumtaz spoke about her brief affair after feeling lonely in marriage; vulnerability's role in infidelity

Veteran actor Mumtaz once opened up about a deeply personal chapter in her life — her brief extramarital relationship and her husband's honesty about his own. Married to Ugandan businessman Mayur Madhvani since 1974, Mumtaz left her successful film career behind to focus on her family life. Over the years, she has battled cancer, emerged as a survivor, and spoken about the ups and downs of her marriage. Mumtaz said that after her husband told her about his affair, she started feeling lonely and hurt. This led to her travelling to India, where she met someone who helped her go through it. 'After the episode, I began feeling lonely. Main thodi rubabwali thi. I felt hurt. So, I flew down to India. When you're amidst thorns and someone comes along with a rose, you do get carried away. But it was nothing serious. Just a temporary phase, which ended soon,' Mumtaz shared in an old interview with Pinkvilla. Speaking about her husband's infidelity, she said, 'It's quite common for men to have affairs discreetly. My husband had only one.' She added, 'I respect him for being honest with me. He admitted he had a liking for a girl in the US but assured me, 'Mumtaz, you're my wife. I love you and will always love you. I will never leave you.' … Even God forgives once in a lifetime.' Gurleen Baruah, existential psychotherapist at That Culture Thing, tells 'Emotional vulnerability is one of the most overlooked roots of infidelity. When Mumtaz described her affair as a 'temporary phase' born out of loneliness and emotional hurt, she touched on something very real: often, cheating is not about the act itself — it's a manifestation of deeper unmet emotional needs. Research, like that of psychologist Shirley Glass, shows that emotional dissatisfaction, feeling unseen, unvalued, or disconnected, is a stronger predictor of infidelity than physical attraction.' In therapy, she says, 'we see betrayal less as a random act and more as an escape from inner loneliness, a search for vitality, or even a clumsy attempt to reclaim lost parts of oneself. And yes, relationships can survive it — but only when both partners are willing to step back and look beyond the betrayal to the pain underneath.' Baruah notes, 'Research by clinical psychologist Janis Spring shows that couples who survive infidelity often do so by confronting not just the betrayal but the root causes — the emotional distance, unmet needs, and personal struggles that made the relationship vulnerable.' Healing demands brutal honesty: open conversations about pain, needs, fears, and accountability. It's not about forgetting or pretending the breach never happened; it's about making meaning from it. Emotional safety gets restored not through grand promises, but through small, consistent actions that rebuild trust: transparency, empathy, patience, and a shared commitment to a new kind of intimacy, one that is aware of how fragile love can be — and chooses it anyway. When long-term couples like Mumtaz and her husband acknowledge their missteps and choose to stay together, it reflects a profound kind of resilience. Baruah mentions, 'Research by marriage therapist Dr John Gottman found that couples who survive betrayal often share certain patterns: they take responsibility without defensiveness, they validate each other's pain without rushing forgiveness, and most importantly, they rebuild trust slowly through what he calls 'trust-building moments' — small, everyday acts of reliability and care.'