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Telegraph
7 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Telegraph
The sex lessons I learnt working on TV's steamiest bedroom scenes
'Good sex begins long before you get to the bedroom,' says Ita O'Brien, talking about her debut book, Intimacy, where she looks at sex and desire from her perspective as an intimacy coordinator. She has worked on some of the steamiest sex scenes in films such as We Live in Time a nd TV series Sex Education and Normal People. Her new book could be described as a field guide to intimacy for couples but Ita is not a sex therapist. Instead, her expertise comes from 42 years professional experience as a musical theatre dancer, actor, movement teacher and director and since 2017 an intimacy coordinator. She is an expert in choreographing sex scenes and guiding actors to create believable on-screen chemistry. Since O'Brien developed an industry-first set of intimacy guidelines, outlining a clear standard for film, TV and theatre, she has been requested on set by filmmakers globally and was personally thanked by Michaela Coel in her BAFTA-winning speech for her work on It's a Sin. Going straight into 'sex scene mode' when the prospect of intimacy looms, doesn't work on film sets and it doesn't work in real life either, O'Brien explains: 'We can't just switch to 'sex scene mode' and expect to have good sex.' So, she developed tools to help us practise communicating our needs and create an environment where we feel truly at-ease. That, she says, is where real intimacy grows. Years of carefully curating sex scenes and supporting actors to feel comfortable on set taught her that intimacy requires groundwork, time, and focus – and that's the wisdom she wants to pass on to us, through these four very practical exercises… 1. Start with a foot massage 'While you might not be negotiating with a film crew in your bedroom, the same principles apply as on set – if you want to find true intimacy, then you need to find a way of talking to your partner about what will satisfy you and what you do and don't want to do, and that ultimately begins with a sense of openness to trying new things.' A foot massage is a good starting point. 'Finding a connection with the feet also helps you ground and anchor yourself in your body and a foot massage is a brilliant way of helping you do that,' she continues. 'As well as enabling you to connect with your body and the sensations you enjoy, it prompts relaxation and is very simple to do – whether with a partner, or solo at first.' Begin by kneading the foot as though it were dough. Be firm as you move your hands down the foot, kneading the ankle and down around the heel. Work across both the top and underside of the foot with this kneading action. Gently circle the toes from their joints, like stirring a spoon in a bowl, starting with the big toe. Stir four times in one direction, then reverse the movement, stirring four times. Notice the sensations you or your partner feel as you circle each toe. Try the 'caterpillar wall'. Spread the big and second toe, using your index finger to find the channel between the tarsal bones (the seven small bones near the ankle making up the back part of the foot). Inch your finger down this channel, as if you were a caterpillar walking down the foot until the tarsal bones meet at the joint, and the finger stops. Focus on opening out the muscle and work along all four spaces between the metatarsal bones and notice how it feels. 2. Stay in tune with your partner with regular communication We shouldn't assume that one conversation around sex or intimacy is all that's needed (or that just because your partner enjoyed something last time, they'll necessarily enjoy it again). Communication, says O'Brien, is 'an ongoing process.' 'Staying in tune with our partners involves regular communication. If I bring my mobile phone in with me when we sit down to eat dinner for example, it's a 'virtual do-not-disturb' sign, blocking any kind of communication.' Instead, make an agreement on how you plan on being present with each other and what that looks like for you both. 'If that involves having phones out at certain times, that's fine, but implement boundaries around technology first of all, so we allow it to be a tool that works for us, rather than something that takes away,' she notes. When it comes to sex itself, keep talking there too, showing or telling your partner what you enjoy. ' Never assume you know what's going on in your partner's head,' she says. 'In long-term relationships things change – our bodies shift, from childbirth and illnesses to operations and menopause, and our relationship with our bodies and pleasure change as a result. It's important to keep asking ourselves – and each other – what serves me now is, am I into this? Less into this? How am I feeling?'. 'It isn't unsexy to talk,' she adds. 'In fact, it can often lead to greater sexual fulfilment and deeper, more satisfying intimate relationships. Whether that sounds like, 'I like that' or 'That feels great' – keep talking and communicating throughout these intimate moments – you might be surprised at what you discover.' 3. Take time to really observe your partner, from what they're wearing to the style of their hair It might sound silly, but try looking at your partner and tell themwhat you observe, notice about them. O'Brien notes that 'there's nothing to change or judge' in the moment of sharing or listening – the focus is purely observation (but steer clear of sexual observations, she flags). Begin by saying 'I notice….' and spend 60 seconds sharing your observations out loud (it could be about what your partner is wearing, or the colour of their eyes, for example). Then, your partner takes their turn to share their observations about you, for the same amount of time. In the second round, bring in more subjective elements (has anything changed since the first round of observations?). As you're being noticed, resist the urge to comment, or respond. Then, as before, it's your partner's turn to observe you and what they're noticing. The final phase involves imagining and sharing what you're wondering out about your partner, out loud. It might be about anything. Begin each sentence with 'I wonder….' and keep talking for 60 seconds. Your partner takes their turn to share the things they wonder about you, from your thoughts and likes to your feelings about anything at all – just see what comes up. When you've finished, take a moment to think about how the exercise made you feel. Talk about the experience with your partner if you like, listening to how they found it. 4. Listen, properly – even to the mundane Even a cursory ' how was your day? ' can be turned into an opportunity for deeper connection. Take it seriously, slow down, dig a little deeper with your questions and really focus on their answers. Passing too quickly from one state to another, or worse, being in two places at once, means we're not fully present for either activity, making connection and intimacy near impossible. In her book, O'Brien refers to a New York Times article about the psychologist Arthur Aron, who created 36 questions for prospective lovers to ask each other – the experiment resulted in two people falling in love. Its success, O'Brien muses, was not only down to the questions – 'propelling people into a vulnerability and openness that would ordinarily take weeks or months to build' – and use of eye-gazing, but the role of active listening. 'Asking big questions and really listening to the answer is essential to keep any relationship alive.' 'Try starting with 'How are you right now?' or 'What's working for you right now?'' O'Brien suggests. 'Then go into specifics, things like, 'How are you in your work?' 'How's your creativity?' 'How does your body feel at the moment?' 'What about your relationship with your kids, or the way we're living right now?. From then you can go into bigger questions like 'How do you see life looking in 10 years' time?'.' Once you've asked a question, resist the urge to follow up immediately. Use the pause, think and connect' approach. 'Ask the question and leave space – any kind of intimacy work means being present and really listening to someone's answers. Give your partner time and space to elaborate on their thoughts and really share what's going on for them.' Never assume you know how your partner feels about something – 'whenever I assume, things go off-kilter,' O'Brien notes. Ita O'Brien's book Intimacy: A field guide to finding connection and feeling your deep desires is published by Ebury Press, HBK ebook audio on June 5 2025.
The Guardian
20-05-2025
- Entertainment
- The Guardian
‘I was on the top of the world. Then I couldn't walk': go-to choreographer Coral Messam
The movement director Coral Messam is describing her experience of a stroke. 'It's a horror movie. It's a betrayal. From the time I was conceived, I was meant to move. This is far, far from who I was. It is soul destroying to the maximum.' The Guardian's journalism is independent. We will earn a commission if you buy something through an affiliate link. Learn more. When it happened in 2023, the Wolverhampton-born choreographer had just created the explosive dance in Steve McQueen's film Blitz, and was preparing Stranger Things: The First Shadow, the spectacular stage prequel to the Netflix hit. These productions enhance a gleaming CV that ranges from Small Island at the National Theatre to movement and intimacy direction across both stage and screen. Michaela Coel adored Messam's piece Run It Back for Talawa Theatre Company and brought her on board for the rivetingly embodied I May Destroy You. 'I create work from the heart,' says Messam. 'It's my superpower. I seem to bring out the magic in a cast – I'm all about you being yourself, and just having a really good time.' We're sitting in a bar tucked behind the stalls at London's Phoenix theatre, where Stranger Things opened in 2023. Messam only recently returned to the theatre, but says: 'I feel like I'm home.' Protecting her affected left arm, she navigates twisty stairs and dark spaces without help, but warns me that there will be tears – the emotional volatility resulting from the stroke is only enhanced by revisiting the professional highs and the 'cruel' reverses of the past months. Blitz followed her collaboration with McQueen on the exuberant Lovers Rock in his Small Axe series. 'I will do anything for him,' she says, 'we have the same instincts.' For Blitz, set in London in the darkest days of the second world war, she choreographed sequences for the swanky Café de Paris and the underground club where Saoirse Ronan and CJ Beckford hurl themselves into ecstatic swing. 'A lot of the bands in these clubs were African American and African Caribbean, the elite of the elite,' she says. 'There was a conglomerate of races and cultures – same-sex and mixed-race couples, it was all happening.' Her work for Stranger Things began with an enigmatic video call with 'two charismatic gentleman' who turned out to be directors Stephen Daldry and Justin Martin. She was recommended by the National Theatre's Rufus Norris, who said: 'You're looking for a fucking good movement director called Coral.' Messam immersed herself in research, figuring out how to make this eerie world move, and landed on the lindy hop. The athletic mid-century dance craze born in African American culture ignites the play's small-town setting. Messam told the cast: 'You can't look like you're from this century. The key is in the music – it will give you a different rhythm. It's 1959 – rock and roll is opening the cracks, the youth are being rebellious, Elvis is doing sexy things, whoa!' Each teen character embraces lindy differently: 'It's freedom for them all.' Except for troubled Henry Creel who will grow into Vecna, antagonist of the TV show. 'The dance freaks him out,' Messam explains. 'Everything's sweating, he doesn't like the uncontrollability.' Henry's troubles go beyond reluctant booty-shaking. The show exposes the bodily flux of adolescence. 'Initially, we don't quite see Henry's eyes. He's closed off, a teenager going through multiple transitions.' Under stress, he morphs into a monster capable of terrifying violence. 'I tried to think like a doctor,' Messam says. 'I looked at anatomy and physiology, how the spine and pelvis change. How does bone shift? What does it do to muscle and organs?' On stage, Henry's entire body appears to reset itself. As the workshops progressed, Messam was getting headaches ('I thought: it's the menopause'), but just before rehearsals began, in July 2023, she had a stroke, alone at home. She lists what she describes as a succession of traumas: the sudden stroke itself, eight weeks in hospital, a difficult spell in rehab, plus the end of a six-year relationship. 'I couldn't walk, I could hardly talk. From being on top of the world, loving life, being free in my body, it was a massive change. Literally like being in hell.' Her left side was the most affected. Uncannily, Henry's transformation also begins with his left hand, which had become a focus of her movement research. Messam looks down at the left arm she holds against her, the parallel unavoidable. 'His body is no longer his. It has this other thing that controls him.' The tears fall. Sitting with us is neurophysiotherapist Carly Christensen, who has worked with Messam since they met on a retreat in November. 'A stroke has huge impact,' Christensen says, 'but when I met Coral, I knew she was still in there.' The pair share a daunting work ethic: 'Coral is disciplined, she's an athlete. She knows what it takes.' 'On the retreat,' Christensen says, 'Coral was like, I can't go back to work until things are normal.' Shortly after which, 'Coral taught the entire therapy team how to lindy hop in 10 minutes!' Messam is edging back into work. She has met the current Stranger Things cast and talked about the dance. 'That was quite a big thing for me – I didn't want to be scared of it.' Her energy is returning and she is taking on a 'very little project' with an associate. Despite all the loss and grief, she says, 'I want to be stronger than I was before. I'm a lover of life, and I'm not done yet.' Stranger Things: The First Shadow is at the Phoenix theatre, London
Harpers Bazaar Arabia
05-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Harpers Bazaar Arabia
The Pills And Potions Almost Every Celebrity Uses To Prep For The Met Gala
Gone are the days when a decent hairstylist and a talented make-up artist were all you needed to get red carpet-ready. These days, celebrities attending the Met Gala enlist entire teams of aestheticians and beauty tech experts—and undergo six-figure treatments—all in preparation for fashion's biggest night out. From in-flight tanning to prescription eye drops that […] Gone are the days when a decent hairstylist and a talented make-up artist were all you needed to get red carpet-ready. These days, celebrities attending the Met Gala enlist entire teams of aestheticians and beauty tech experts—and undergo six-figure treatments—all in preparation for fashion's biggest night out. From in-flight tanning to prescription eye drops that lift and brighten eyes, here's a look at the high-end beauty procedures that promise to get you Met Gala -ready. Blood Pressure Meds to Calm Nerves Some celebrities take low doses of blood pressure medication like propranolol to stay calm under pressure. This beta-blocker works by relaxing blood vessels, lowering heart rate, and reducing symptoms of anxiety, trembling, and excess sweating, keeping stars from looking flushed or overly nervous on the red carpet. It's also popular for managing stage fright and performance anxiety, making it a go-to for high-stress moments like the Met Gala—definitely not to be tried without the advice of a doctor. In-Flight Tanning for a Bronze Glow A sun-kissed tan is a red carpet staple, and some celebrities go the extra mile, literally, by scheduling tanning sessions mid-flight aboard private jets. With packed schedules leading up to the event, this clever beauty hack saves time while ensuring stars arrive looking perfectly bronzed and photo-ready. It's a smart move when there's barely time to breathe between fittings and glam prep. Temporary Lip Fillers for a Natural Plump Traditional lip fillers often come with swelling and bruising, which is far from ideal right before a major event. That's why many celebrities opt for temporary alternatives. Edyta Jarosz, an aesthetician at the Shafer Clinic who has worked with stars like Michaela Coel and Madonna, uses a DiamondGlow treatment paired with a hyaluronic acid pro-infusion serum. The result is hydrated, rosy, plump lips that last for 48 hours with no downtime required. Prescription Eye Drops for an Instant Eye Lift Upneeq, an FDA-approved prescription eye drop, is a favourite among celebs for its ability to lift droopy eyelids (ptosis) within five minutes. The effect lasts up to eight hours and keeps the eyes looking alert, lifted, and sharp, which is crucial when your gaze is being photographed from every angle. It's an essential for both red carpet moments and everyday glam. Long-haul flights often leave celebs bloated or swollen, making it tricky to slip into their custom-fit gowns. That's where lymphatic drainage massage comes in. This gentle treatment helps flush excess fluid and reduce swelling in areas like the arms, ankles, and abdomen. For extra toning, stars turn to body sculpting treatments like TruFlex and TruSculpt to firm and define muscles just in time for the big night. NAD+ IV Drips for a Full-Body Reset IV therapy has taken the beauty world by storm, and NAD+ infusions are the latest must-have. NAD+ (Nicotinamide Adenine Dinucleotide) is a coenzyme found in every cell, playing a key role in energy production and cellular repair. Celebrities rely on these drips for enhanced focus, boosted metabolism, anti-aging effects, and radiant skin. They're often administered alongside facials and prep treatments in the final countdown to the Gala. Lasers, Mesotherapy, and Microcurrents for Skin That Glows For A-listers, flawless skin isn't just about makeup, it's a science-backed regimen. Laser treatments are used for everything from hair removal and inflammation control to texture refinement and collagen remodelling. Mesotherapy follows with a custom cocktail of vitamins, enzymes, and plant extracts injected into the skin to tighten, rejuvenate, and reduce fat. Finally, a microcurrent facial, often done the night before, uses low-level electrical currents to tone facial muscles, lift contours, and delivers that sculpted, radiant finish no makeup can replicate.
