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The Spinoff
3 days ago
- Entertainment
- The Spinoff
The worst things that can happen to you as a New Zealander, ranked
Chris Bishop was told to 'shut up you dickhead' by Don McGlashan. But how does that compare to being called an egg by Judy Bailey or driving Jason Gunn to profanity? National minister Chris Bishop's night at the Aotearoa Music Awards started off so well. He grinned on the red carpet in a Fur Patrol T-shirt. He partook in some free refreshments. He escaped being booed by the hordes of pinko artists swarming the Viaduct Events Centre thanks to Jesse Mulligan sandwiching his name between Jenny Salesa's and Kahurangi Carter's during the introductions. He would have got away unscathed if it wasn't for Stan Walker and his pesky flags. The singer brought out banners reading Toitū te Tiriti during his rendition of 'Māori Ki Te Ao'. During the performance, the minister was caught on video saying, 'What a load of crap', and something about 'performative acclaim'. Reports vary on why he was so upset. But one thing's for certain: his negative review caught the ear of The Mutton Birds lead singer and venerated musical elder statesman Don McGlashan, who turned around and said 'ah, shut up you dickhead'. The moment appears to have instantly short-circuited Bishop's brain. 'I could say the same to you,' he retorted, confusingly. It's possible the minister was knocked off balance by the sheer magnitude of what had just taken place. Being told to 'shut up you dickhead' by Don McGlashan is the kind of thing that only happens in nightmares. Bishop must have felt like he was back in the aftermath of the 2020 general election, when he received the vision of hell. The exchange has sparked a national debate. Should cabinet ministers be allowed to give their opinions on official business? Should you wear a Fur Patrol T-shirt while saying things Fur Patrol hates? But most importantly, is being told to 'shut up you dickhead' by Don McGlashan the worst thing that could happen to you as a New Zealander? Some commentators believe so. But do those commentators have turnips where their brains should be? The only way to find out is by scientifically assessing every horrendous potential Kiwi trauma and ranking them in order. 10. The Topp Twins exhorting a crowd to tell you to 'fuck off' Mike Hosking went through all the stages of grief after Lynda and Jools Topp led a chant of 'fuck off Mike Hosking, we have the power' during a protest at parliament over RNZ stripping back Concert FM. 'What the hell's that about?' he asked. 'What have I got to do with Concert FM?' Classic denial. Next, anger and bargaining. 'Do they have queen's honours? What I am going to do today is start a petition to have their queen's honours stripped from them for behaviour unbecoming to royalty,' he resolved. From there the Newstalk ZB host lapsed into depression, clicking on a blog post from Lindsay Perigo. Finally came acceptance, with Hosking conceding that chanting 'fuck Mike Hosking' is actually fun. 'I know what I'm doing this Saturday night.' 9. Being called an egg by Judy Bailey There is no evidence of Judy Bailey (nee Mother of the Nation) calling anyone an egg. To assert she's called people eggs would put you in danger of defamation action. However, if she did, hypothetically, call someone an egg, it would inflict an emotional toll so high that person would likely have to lather themself in Kiwi onion dip and retire to a monastic life at the Tui Brewery. 8. A former prime minister telling the current prime minister to tell you to shut up 7. Saying something so sexist the soon-to-be prime minister rebukes you on live TV When Mark Richardson arrived for his shift at The AM Show on August 2, 2017, he had almost every job in New Zealand media. He was the host of The Block NZ. He was on the radio. The Project. The cricket. Then he proceeded to say employers 'need to know' whether the women they're hiring plan to get pregnant. 'No, no, no,' intoned his despairing co-host. 'You,' said the new Labour leader, fixing him with a point and look so stern Richardson must have thought she was going to put him into lockdown three years early. 'It is totally unacceptable in 2017 to say that women should have to answer that question in the workplace. That is unacceptable in 2017.' Richardson is now an investment adviser. 6. Getting shoved by Sir Richard Hadlee This really happened to Black Caps supporter and The Spinoff production editor, Calum Henderson. It left a lifelong scar. 'It was near the end of a one day international at Carisbrook, he had post-match presentations to make and I was in his way,' he explains. 'Now that I think about it, being shoved by such a godlike figure as a child could be the source of my low self-esteem.' 5. Being called a drongo by Sam Neill There is no evidence of Sam Neill calling anyone an drongo. To assert that he's called someone a drongo would put you in danger of being murdered and fed to his pigs. But being called a drongo by Sam Neill would be almost as terrible as being murdered and fed to Sam Neill's pigs. 4. Writing a Facebook post so bad it makes Jason Gunn say 'shit' It's almost impossible to make Jason Gunn mad but Laraine found a way. 3. Being told to 'shut up you dickhead' by Don McGlashan 'Shut up you dickhead' is one of the worst things you can say to a New Zealander. First, it implies the person on the receiving end purposely drew attention to themselves – a cultural faux pas roughly equivalent to smearing Marmite on a croissant in the middle of the Avenue des Champs-Élysées. But worse, what they were saying wasn't even that good. Having this phrase levelled at you by a random drunk? Bad. By Don McGlashan? Sir, will you serve as my second? 2. Being called a c*nt by Suzy Cato There is no evidence that Suzy Cato has ever called someone a c*nt. To say she's called someone a c*nt would put you in danger of being fed into a blender while the Suzy's World host sings 'see ya, see ya later, it's time to say goodbye'. Cato's friend, Auckland councillor Richard Hills, says she would be physically incapable of calling someone a c*nt. In fact, Hills made me star the word c*nt because Cato would be 'shocked' seeing it in print. I've honoured that request as nothing fills me with more dread than the possibility of Suzy Cato thinking I'm a cunt. 1. Dave Dobbyn failing to get the Big Fresh animatronic fruit and veges into Te Papa for you You know what isn't a slice of heaven? Having a dream of getting the Big Fresh animatronic fruit and veges into Te Papa, convincing Dave Dobbyn to help you achieve that dream, and still somehow failing. This actually happened to someone I know, and it inflicted such trauma they're still writing about it in the third person because describing it in the first person would be to accept that the events actually took place. Look, you can see the moment his heart breaks.
NZ Herald
22-05-2025
- Entertainment
- NZ Herald
Frank Film: Jacob Bryant: A Polite Menace
Rail Minister Winston Peters and Chris Bishop detail how more than $600m in Government funding will help upgrade the country's rail services. Video / Mark Mitchell Te Pāti Maori MPs may be suspended over haka protest, Russia and Ukraine ceasefire negotiations and AI flagged in NZ exam breaches. Reporter Ray is in Wellington, where brilliant primary school kid Raymond is already blowing up the NCEAs, and even the American SATs! Norwegian Cruise Lines' newest ship Norwegian Aqua was officially launched in April. Video / Supplied Prime Minister Christopher Luxon says National isn't willing to make any concessions on the Privileges Committee recommendations. Sentencing for arsonist Corena Flavell, who torched City Garden Lodge backpackers in Parnell. Video / Jason Dorday Christopher Luxon holds post-Cabinet press conference A motorbike has collided with a car 600m from the Fanshaw St off-ramp. Video / Michael Morrah Budget to provide $164 million towards urgent care services and New Zealand correspondence school Te Kura continues to see enrolments rise. Video / NZ Herald Christopher Luxon live with Mike Hosking The sex trafficking trial of hip hop tycoon Sean Combs is underway. Better known as Diddy, Combs faces some heavy charges. What is being alleged exactly and Diddy do it? Christopher Luxon live with Mike Hosking Reporter Grace talks to the Halton Hart Family Band, a group of 8 cousins who are gearing up to rock the New Zealand Country Music Festival with their original country songs. New Zealand Herald football writer Michael Burgess wraps up the Auckland FC's dramatic A-League semi-final first leg in Melbourne and looks ahead to Saturday's match. A Māori nurse faces a backlash over a cultural facial tattoo. Video / Michael Craig
NZ Herald
21-05-2025
- Business
- NZ Herald
Winston Peters hits back at free speech argument after heckler's employer criticised for investigation
Peters told Newstalk ZB's Mike Hosking on Wednesday morning he would not feel bad if the heckler lost his job. He said the man's behaviour was 'disgraceful' and had become far too prevalent in New Zealand. Speaking at Parliament on Wednesday, Peters pushed back on those framing the 'expletive-laden vitriol' as a freedom of speech issue. 'I've never heard such filthy language out in the public like that – foul, filthy language – and if you think that's free speech, you couldn't be more wrong,' he said. Asked whether the worker should lose his job, Peters said that was an employment matter for the company. Labour leader Chris Hipkins told reporters Peters did not seem to be focused on the big issues facing the country. 'I've been interrupted by protesters before, it's a bit annoying when it happens, but it happens,' Hipkins said. 'That's the nature of living in a free democracy, where people have free speech, these sorts of things are going to happen.' In a statement on Tuesday evening, the man's employer – engineering company Tonkin + Taylor – apologised, and said a code of conduct investigation was under way. 'At Tonkin + Taylor we take our responsibilities as a major New Zealand employer seriously. We do not condone behaviour that falls short of our code of conduct. 'We sincerely apologise to the event organisers, attendees, the Deputy Prime Minister, and Minister Bishop, for the disruption caused.' But the Free Speech Union said the incident had nothing to do with Tonkin + Taylor, and apologising off the bat set a 'dangerous precedent' and sent the message that expressing political opinions in public was unacceptable. 'Individuals don't forfeit their right to express political views just because they have a job,' spokesman Nick Hanne said. 'Employers don't own employees' time when they are commuting to work, and the choice to heckle Winston Peters has nothing to do with Tonkin + Taylor.' Hanne said the Free Speech Union would be contacting Tonkin + Taylor, 'urging them to respect their employee's speech rights, and not to set a poor example to other Kiwi businesses'. 'The heckler was wearing a Tonkin + Taylor lanyard at the time, but it's common practice for employers to ask employees to wear items like lanyards to help with workplace identification for reasons such as security. 'Companies can't have it both ways: requiring employees to be identifiable for branding or security purposes, but not when expressing lawful personal views on their own time.' Tonkin + Taylor declined to make further comment, as the matter was under investigation. Tonkin + Taylor's full statement 'We are aware of an incident at a media event at Wellington Railway Station this morning. 'We have confirmed the person involved is a Tonkin + Taylor employee. We are investigating in line with our code of conduct, and for privacy reasons we won't be commenting any further. 'At Tonkin + Taylor we take our responsibilities as a major New Zealand employer seriously. We do not condone behaviour that falls short of our code of conduct. 'We sincerely apologise to the event organisers, attendees, the Deputy Prime Minister, and Minister Bishop for the disruption caused.'
NZ Herald
11-05-2025
- Politics
- NZ Herald
Napier house fire
Black smoke, signifying no pope, has emerged from the Sistine Chapel in the first decision of the conclave to elect a new pope. The Glen Innes Ministry of Social Development building on Mayfair Pl went up in smoke around 7am this morning. Video / Buhay Pinoy Sa New Zealand A woman has been arrested after her pet raccoon was found with a crack pipe in her car. Greg Foran talks leaving the airline and the state of the company and sector with Newstalk ZB's Mike Hosking. Voting under way for new pope, high demand for New Zealand red meat and the labour market remains in sorry state. Emily Mains organises a free Tuesday evening run club each week in Clive, Hastings, for women runners to feel safe while they exercise. George won't let a wheelchair keep him from the climbing wall! Reporter Angelina is at the Halberg Games, where kids with disabilities are taking adaptive sports by storm. 14 years on from the earthquakes, Christchurch city prepares to open a first-class stadium while the Cathedral sits unfinished in an empty Square. A group of at least 100 gang members were monitored by police travelling to a function at a bar at Botany Junction. Video / Supplied Banana-clad mayoral hopeful Graham Bloxham talks about his arrest and plans for Wellington. Video / Marty Melville Rescuers search for survivors in the wreckage of the UNWRA school, where civil defence authorities say an Israeli airstrike killed nine people. Video / AFP At least three civilians, including a child, were killed after India fired missiles at Pakistani territory early today. VIdeo / AFP A 24-hour indoor golf fundraiser on May 23 will help raise funds and awareness for Remi Henderson who suffers from Rhett Syndrome. A section of Hamilton's Clyde St has been closed due to a gas leak. A bus has smashed into a tree in South Auckland with ambulance officers treating passengers at the scene.
NZ Herald
11-05-2025
- Politics
- NZ Herald
Wilhelmina Shrimpton shares update after car sideswiped in Kingsland
Greg Foran talks leaving the airline and the state of the company and sector with Newstalk ZB's Mike Hosking. Voting under way for new pope, high demand for New Zealand red meat and the labour market remains in sorry state. Emily Mains organises a free Tuesday evening run club each week in Clive, Hastings, for women runners to feel safe while they exercise. George won't let a wheelchair keep him from the climbing wall! Reporter Angelina is at the Halberg Games, where kids with disabilities are taking adaptive sports by storm. 14 years on from the earthquakes, Christchurch city prepares to open a first-class stadium while the Cathedral sits unfinished in an empty Square. A group of at least 100 gang members were monitored by police travelling to a function at a bar at Botany Junction. Video / Supplied Banana-clad mayoral hopeful Graham Bloxham talks about his arrest and plans for Wellington. Video / Marty Melville Rescuers search for survivors in the wreckage of the UNWRA school, where civil defence authorities say an Israeli airstrike killed nine people. Video / AFP At least three civilians, including a child, were killed after India fired missiles at Pakistani territory early today. VIdeo / AFP A 24-hour indoor golf fundraiser on May 23 will help raise funds and awareness for Remi Henderson who suffers from Rhett Syndrome. A section of Hamilton's Clyde St has been closed due to a gas leak. A bus has smashed into a tree in South Auckland with ambulance officers treating passengers at the scene. A Tauranga woman who made a late-night run to Maccas was told by a worker to cut her order in half and 'ration it'. Video / Reremai Cameron Unemployment to hit decade high, vape stores within walking distance of most schools and Trump told 'country is not for sale'. Milking goats has been Barry and Judy Foote's life. Now, they could be left with nothing. Video / Ben Dickens / Jason Dorday
