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From Guscott's drop-goal to battered sausage on sticks: My ten Lions tours
Lions lost 4-0Coach Jim TelferTour captain Ciaran FitzgeraldBest Lions Peter Winterbottom, John Rutherford
The last of the heroic long tours, which went on for ever. New Zealand was shut. It was ghastly murder in the Test series, with the Lions captain Ciaran Fitzgerald soon dubbed 'Captain Clanger', but there were endearing visits to a raft of one-horse towns via a hired Ford Anglia. The rugby was awful but nothing could ever be so bad as flogging round a windy old country seated in a creaky Fokker Friendship propellered Airfix model.
Won 2-1Coach Ian McGeechanTour captain Finlay CalderBest Lions Mike Teague, Jeremy Guscott
Rough. And tumble. In the era before citing officers, it often went off in every match. After the warlike second Test, the authorities agreed the showpiece third had to be disciplined for the good of rugby. After a few seconds of what became known as the 'Battle of Ballymore', Nick Farr-Jones and Robert Jones (the scrum halves!) fought each other. The legendary 'Iron' Mike Teague saw off the Wallabies' forwards. This was Sir Ian McGeechan's first tour in charge, banishing all the years of amateurish prep. Apparently, Australia's land is 'girt by sea'.
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Lost 2-1Coach Ian McGeechanTour captain Gavin HastingsBest Lion Martin Bayfield
A grim new era, because it was the tour when too many in the class-free New Zealand public put their respect for the Lions on hold and came along to boo them on and off the field. Yet another tour was decided because the Lions were not remotely ready for the first Test and, also, a contingent of the touring group decided to drown their sorrows when not making the Test team.
Amazingly, the Test the Lions won was at Athletic Park in Wellington, an ancient semi-ruin perched precariously on the edge of a precipice with storms sweeping up the valley. They served battered sausage on lollipop sticks. Other cuisine was more basic.
Won 2-1Coach Ian McGeechanTour captain Martin JohnsonBest Lions Tim Rodber, Scott Gibbs
The all-time height of British and Irish rugby, when Wonderwall became a rugby anthem. Battered Boks. The series glory was harder earned even than England's World Cup victory in 2003, and there was a breathtaking silence where once the home fans seethed with their own arrogance. McGeechan and Jim Telfer, the assistant coach, prepared with bared teeth; the great Martin Johnson and his men marked the passing of old Lions parties full of agreeable gentlemen enjoying the trip.
There was safe bathing for us among the waves on Durban beach, out of harm's way behind the shark nets mentioned in the guidebook. Except we found out later they'd been taken away in the previous year.
With minutes to go in the second Test in Durban, one Chalky Wardell, a lifetime friend of Jeremy Guscott, announced to his audience in a Bath flat: 'Guscott's going to drop a goal to win the series.'
Guess what?
Lost 2-1Coach: Graham HenryTour captain Martin JohnsonBest Lion Rob Henderson
Arguably the most bitter Lions experience, but with a happy sting. The Lions cruised gloriously to victory in the first Test and then dominated the first half of the second. It was seemingly all over, until Jonny Wilkinson threw a horrible loose pass that was intercepted by Joe Roff of the Wallabies.
From then on, a Lions team ravaged by injury and discord could not recover and they lost in the decider in Sydney. However, the victory made Australia overrate themselves, opening the way for England to win the World Cup two years later — with Jonny's drop-goal.
Lost 3-0Coach Clive WoodwardTour captain Brian O'Driscoll/Gareth ThomasBest Lion Dwayne Peel
Horror story, horror winter. Take me home. Sir Clive Woodward made one of the few errors of his career in recycling England's World Cup squad for the trip. After Brian O'Driscoll, the Lions captain, had been almost decapitated by a horrendous late and dangerous double tackle by Keven Mealamu and Tana Umaga, no disciplinary action was taken. The disciplinary officer was seen by the man from The Times sprinting through the international terminal at the airport.
We took a break in what the guidebook called the 'winterless Bay of Islands'. It was bloody freezing.
Lost 2-1Coach Ian McGeechanTour captain Paul O'ConnellBest Lion Simon Shaw
An epic series, with the Lions fielding some great players — and needing to, against a great Springboks team. They were not ready for the first Test; but the second Test in Pretoria — one of the greatest games ever played — was all Lions. Until, that is, they lost two forwards and two backs inside about seven minutes of play. And until Jaque Fourie of the Springboks was awarded a vital try after key replays were never shown by the host broadcaster. To some, he appeared to be halfway up the stand as he touched down.
Won 2-1Coach Warren GatlandTour captain Sam WarburtonBest Lion Leigh Halfpenny
The Lions were fortunate to take the first Test — as usual, their ridiculous timetable had not allowed them to be ready. But in a poor match in Melbourne, Australia levelled the series. And then, the Lions roared in Sydney. With Alex Corbisiero mincing the Australian scrum, the Lions scored glorious tries and won the series at pace. Weak iced yellow watery stuff all round!
Drawn 1-1Coach Warren GatlandTour captain Sam WarburtonBest Lion Maro Itoje
Maro's match. Inspired by Maro Itoje, the Lions came thundering back in Wellington in the second Test to draw level at 1-1. The teams still could not be separated at the end of the third Test when the All Blacks were awarded a kickable penalty with the scores level and seconds remaining. As Sam Warburton recently explained to our readers, he persuaded the referee to re-examine the replay, which was not strictly allowed. He did. No penalty. Class, Sam.
Lost 2-1Coach Warren GatlandTour captain Alun Wyn JonesBest Lion Duhan van der Merwe
This was going through the motions during the pandemic. Watched only by the groundsmen and some distant hacks, the halting Test series never grew out of short trousers. The first Test was characterised by a Lions win and some utterly ludicrous reactions from the South Africa head coach Jacques Nienaber. The Lions could never raise the pace to take either of the second or third Tests, which they should have been capable of doing.
We were followed all around by lovely ladies in a white get-up getting up our noses daily in a search for the virus. In a dramatic broadcast halfway through the tour, South Africa's president Cyril Ramaphosa lifted the ban on alcohol sales. Even during the pandemic, something in the beloved country — the best venue for Lions — still enriched the soul.
