28-04-2025
Muscle Milk's smores protein shake tastes like a Pop-Tart. Do with that what you will
Muscle Milk's smores protein shake tastes like a Pop-Tart. Do with that what you will
Welcome back to FTW's Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.
Protein powder has become a regular part of my diet. In part because it compels me, at least slightly, to work out. But mixing in a scoop of protein with my coffee not only serves as a useful breakfast that keeps me from getting hungry until, say, 2 p.m. but also makes my cheap flavored coffee feel much fancier.
This has typically been whatever winds up on sale at Costco or splashed across my personalized recommendations on Slickdeals. As such, Muscle Milk has typically been an outlier -- a heavyweight brand mostly static with its pricing. While I'd seen it in the coolers at my old gym, I'd never splurged on a carton.
After breaking down Pure Protein's offerings and Fulfil's bars, Muscle Milk reached out with the chance to try a new-ish flavor. I'm down for all things smores -- especially the now discontinued Ritz Bits. Now I get to dot my morning with a ready-made shake before my extremely basic afternoon dad workout. Let's see what we've got.
Smores: B-
It pours a dense brown, looking like a creamy chocolate shake all the way. It smells a bit sweeter than you'd expect, or maybe right on par for a drink that's got heavy marshmallow influence to it.
It doesn't taste like a smore. It tastes like a Pop Tarts smores pastry. It's sweet, with a dense sugar feel despite zero sugars in the actual drink. It's thick enough that drinking through a straw is tricky, which helps it feel a bit more authentic to a protein shake.
Your feelings on it will depend on how much sweetness you can tolerate. The creamy feel of casein protein gives way to an artificial sugar that leaves a sharp taste on your tongue and coats the roof of your mouth. If you're looking for a dessert, this will scratch that itch at 170 calories and 25 grams of protein.
Ultimately, that's good enough for me. It won't be my morning, mix-it-with-coffee protein (although...), but it's a solid post-workout reward. While the protein-to-calorie ratio isn't great here, it's sweet enough to justify its position. It's not my favorite, but it's fine.
Would I drink it instead of a Hamm's?
This a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I'm drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That's the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm's. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I drink Muscle Milk's smores protein shake over a cold can of Hamm's?
Well huh, I'm beginning to think this is an imperfect metric. I do like the taste, but it's a lot. It's more dessert than morning shake, but there's room for that. Personally, I'd like a better calorie-to-protein ratio, but it's fine.
