10 hours ago
Iranian ambassador riles MPs with his lies as conflict with Israel rages
Waiting to watch the Iranian ambassador lie to the foreign affairs committee, a Parliament security guard told me I couldn't bring my bag into the room. I asked why, as Press usually can; he reacted as if I'd pulled a gun.
He accused me of disrespect and gave me 'one warning'. What did I say? It wasn't my words but my 'body language'. He claimed I had rolled my eyes.
'I'd ask you to have respect for the committee,' he instructed. A tall order – it's my job to take the mick out of it. But I've been through enough Iranian border posts to know never to argue with a man in a black uniform, so I sat through the committee exuding the utmost respect, holding my eyelids open with my fingers lest they roll, and nodding at everything said by His Most Serene Excellency, Mustapha Leak.
Which was hard because it was very silly. Emily Thornberry introduced the ambassador graciously – this woman wants to live – and observed 'how very stressful it must be to be living in Iran right now'. I'll say: the head of the military was killed four days after his predecessor, before the poor fellow even had a chance to complete his workplace orientation. He died without learning the fire drill.
The precision of the kill suggests the Israelis are learning with practice. Hitherto, when they tried to assassinate a Hamas fighter, they'd level four hospitals. Yet now they can land a drone on a speck of uranium and prick its atoms, one-by-one.
The ambassador – middle-aged, simply dressed with a nice watch – launched into a diatribe against the 'terrorist and criminal … Israeli regime'. When he passed the 15 minute mark, Emily informed him we only had the room for an hour. 'May I finish?' he demanded, unused to being interrupted mid-interrogation, and looked about for some electrodes.
Though I normally mock MPs, I will give credit to Abtisam Mohamed for asking him why, if Iran is peaceful, it is drafting legislation to leave the nuclear proliferation treaty? (Parliament is independent, he answered: gosh that was difficult not to laugh at). Also, Blair McDougall for asking why Iran arms Russia? And John Whittingdale for asking after a dissident journalist stabbed in London.
'This is an irrelevant question!' replied Seyed Ali Mousavi. The Islamic Revolution is about 'self-determination'; its proxies are 'liberation movements'. And their fighters, presumably, explode with joy.
The ambassador's little friend, sitting behind, handed him a note: I think it read: 'Do better or you'll never see your goat again.' But Dan Carden, who has gravitated from Leftie troublemaker to Labour statesman by investing in a pair of glasses, pressed him on how many citizens his regime has recently killed – and his embarrassing response was to insist his republic is a 'government' not a 'regime'.
Yet he'd called Israel a 'regime', too! Thornberry said she had invited the Israelis to take part, but they had declined to respond to these insults. Just as well. We'd be sitting under a pile of rubble.
The division bell rang and the ambassador left the building to go and get stoned. No doubt civilians are dying in Iran, but its citizens also hate this man's lying, murdering superiors – and disrespecting one's government is a first step towards democracy.
