2 days ago
Robert Jenrick as Judge Dredd
Photo byKeir Starmer is unpopular. So Neal Lawson, chief of the Compass think tank, was on to something when he declared, 'We've had New Labour and Blue Labour – it's now time for Lou Labour,' at a jamboree in the Ministry of Sound nightclub. Some of the party's MPs regard Louise Haigh – ousted as transport secretary by Morgan McSweeney last November – as a dark horse for the crown should the PM fall. Aside from soft-left credentials, she has a safe seat (Sheffield Heeley, majority 15,304), whereas other possible contenders Wes Streeting (528), Angela Rayner (6,791) and Bridget Phillipson (7,168) cannot be so confident of staying in the game.
Quick – can you name the shadow health secretary? What about shadow transport? No one expects them to be household names outside the Westminster bubble when even the actual cabinet enjoys limited name recognition. But something is wrong if many Conservative MPs, ex-MPs and strategists struggle to recall who represents their party. Quizzing Tory insiders on their front bench is a Westminster party trick, and an insight into the invisibility of Kemi Badenoch's team. Can anyone get the full set?
One shad cab member far from invisible is Robert Jenrick. The shadow justice secretary's viral videos savaging Richard Hermer and playing Judge Dredd on London's Tube are glimpses of what a dynamic opposition could look like. Jenrick is widely viewed as manoeuvring against his plodding leader, but Badenoch is putting on a brave face. Her reaction to his antics can be summed up as 'a rising tide lifts all boats'. In other words, she's happy to have someone else do the work for her. Or too weak to keep him in line.
Rhondda rhymer Chris Bryant seemingly has a quote for all occasions. The minister peppers performances with high-brow literary references yet went poppy on Good Morning Britain during a discussion about AI. 'In the words of Lady Whistledown in Bridgerton, 'I do not fear change, I embrace change,'' he announced. Hmm… Lady W is the gossipy pseudonym of secret scandal-spreader Penelope Bridgerton and therefore not the best example to promote accuracy, integrity and authority.
There was a Freudian slip from Jeremy Hunt, who ran for Con leader in 2019 and 2022. He told the New Statesman podcast: 'I don't think I'll be leader. I mean, I've tried three times and failed three times, and I think there's got to be a message in there somewhere.' Three? Did he secretly take soundings in October 2022, before Rishi Sunak was foisted unopposed as Liz Truss's successor, or in 2024 after the election bloodbath? Or is the chronic hopeful always fighting a leadership contest in his head? (The Spectator's alternative magazine cover had he beaten Johnson in 2019 – 'Hunt wins' – is framed above his desk.) Or perhaps the one-time chancellor always struggled with numbers.
Zarah Sultana spent her weekend batting away a Mail on Sunday smear about the fiery independent MP and her hubby, a Fire Brigades Union (FBU) senior policy officer. The right-wing tab claimed Sultana failed to declare a conflict of interest before speaking in the Commons about key FBU demands. Sultana released a rebuttal but may have had to pull off the riposte operation alone. Rumours swirl she's sacked her staff. What next: Sultana hiring her husband?
The Hertfordshire Labour MP Chris Hinchliff – de facto leader of what the Labour Growth Group dismisses as a 'vegetable lobby' and who drafted 14 amendments to the Planning and Infrastructure Bill – is in a flap. Low turnout for a quiz has left his office window shrouded in unclaimed Duolingo owl prizes. He's tried without joy to offer them to colleagues and visitors. What a hoot.
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Reform leader Nigel Farage's son, Sam, is a British migrant working in Hong Kong. Deputy Richard Tice's partner, Isabel Oakeshott, is a migrant in Dubai. 'For a hard-right, anti-migrant party,' growled a Tory snout, 'that's a lot of 'do as I say, not what my family's doing'.' Tice is particularly touchy on the issue, turning on a journalist who asked him about the contradiction. Inconsistency is their consistency.
Johnson fanboys and girls still dreaming of yanking Cincinnatus back from his plough to rescue the Tories evidently don't include the second Mrs J, Marina Wheeler. In a note to neighbours apologising should a wedding bash for one of their daughters prove noisy, the lawyer quipped: 'Luckily I don't expect her to get married again, or at least not for a while.' Unlike Wheeler's wandering ex who was spliced thrice before the ink was dry on divorce papers.
Parliament's wage-slaves are upset, specifically the caterers who feed and water the medium-sized town. One chef complained they'll lose £300 a month from binning a loyalty payment to stop them defecting to higher-paid jobs in London's better restaurants and hotels. 'It's a privilege to serve parliament,' said the seasoned cook, 'but this is an invitation for skilled, devoted staff to leave.' MPs and peers should beware what flavours the soup.
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[See also: Reform needs Zia Yusuf]
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