02-05-2025
EXCLUSIVE I suffer from a crippling little-known illness... but doctors missed my subtle symptoms
Alex Gilbert was diagnosed with dyslexia and attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD) at age eight.
But she knew that there were deeper underlying issues past her diagnosis.
'I was already self-conscious of being different from my peers, but when teachers would criticize me in class in front of others, it was truly mortifying,' she told
'My anxiety about it was so horrendous that I would break out in hives head to toe, and I ended up in the hospital and nine with stomach issues because I was so afraid of my teacher, who bullied me in class.'
Gilbert knew that it was more than her ADHD - and years later she came to realize there was a name for this specific kind of anxiety.
She had rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD).
RSD is defined as an intense and extreme emotional reaction to any sort of rejection, criticism, or failure.
And Gilbert explained that it can feel like a visceral trauma response.
'You might be completely frozen and cannot communicate,' she said.
'Or you avoid the scenario all together, you bend over backwards to make the other person happy at the price of yourself.
'If you have a better sense of self and understand what you are walking into you can feel more prepared to respond based on actions not emotions.'
Gilbert described it as being able to read a room - picking up on people's eye contact and body language - but being a little bit 'too' attuned to it.
In fact, she said that if something is 'off' and she can't do anything to fix it, she feels overwhelmed with the desire to leave.
And though it's still difficult to navigate, Gilbert has learned how to respond better to her RSD as she's gotten older.
'When I was younger I would lean more into the emotional aspect of communicating about a conflict,' she explained.
'As an adult I've realized I need more time to process information and gather facts and communicate without the emotion.'
She said that this was most difficult to do in the workplace if she was being criticized for work.
'Instead of taking it personally I had to remind myself it's not always personal, sometimes it's really just the specific detail that needs to be changed.'
She's taken these teachings into her own work as a career coach for people with ADHD.
Gilbert created Cape-able Counseling, a program aimed at helping neurodivergent people succeed in the workplace.
She also hosts a Neurodivergence 101 Training to help people in the workplace understand their employees with neurological disabilities or mental health disorders.
Her hope is to help others understand that neurodiverse people are constantly masking to fit into a world that doesn't naturally align with their line of thinking - and to be kinder considering thins.
'When you are criticizing someone who is literally doing everything possible to keep it together to do the best job they can it's like poking an inflated balloon and hoping it won't pop,' Gilbert said.
She advised others to approach criticism or feedback by setting people up with the expectations of what you are going to discuss so they are not caught off guard.
