13-05-2025
Fashion fans erupt as etiquette expert reveals events that require an unwritten 'modest' dress code
A fierce debate has erupted on social media about when it's appropriate to wear more modest attire.
One woman is going viral on TikTok after telling her followers that some occasions have an unwritten more covered-up dress code.
Content creator The New Brook shared a video that received 545,000 likes, where she explained: 'In case you didn't hear it from your mother, some occasions have an expectation of modesty.'
The creator added, 'That means even though it's not explicitly written in a dress code, the expectation is that you'll be classily, modestly, and appropriately dressed.'
Commenters quickly explained the scenarios where women should opt for the proper garments, including court, the Kentucky Derby, weddings, funerals, graduation, children's events, or a house of worship.
'The expectation isn't a personal attack on your freedom and rights, it's just a bit of social grace that we've abandoned in our search for individualism,' one commenter complained.
'Everyone is triggered by the word modest but this is about etiquette. A lot of people are unaware that etiquette should be taken into account when dressing and it goes for men and women,' another person said.
To find out when it's time to wear more modest ensembles, FEMAIL consulted etiquette expert Myka Meier, who explained 'when it comes to dressing more modestly or appropriately, it has nothing to do with gender, and it's really about honoring the tone and formality of the occasion to show respect.'
To find out when it's time to wear more modest ensembles, FEMAIL consulted etiquette expert Myka Meier, who explained 'when it comes to dressing more modestly or appropriately, it has nothing to do with gender, and it's really about honoring the tone and formality of the occasion'
Myka told 'Whether it's a courtroom, a funeral, a graduation, or even a traditional workplace, dressing with decorum isn't about covering up, but is more about showing respect for the setting and the people around you that share it.
'Just like we wouldn't wear a swimsuit to a job interview, we naturally shift our wardrobe to reflect the formality or even the emotional weight of the event.'
Many people were shocked when major influencers Alix Earle and Gabi Moura wore plunging ensembles to the Derby this year, with one person calling the dresses 'absurd.' Alix even suffered a wardrobe malfunction in her low-cut black halter dress.
However, some commenters the event didn't necessitate decorum, because as one replied, it is 'literally centered around gambling, drinking, and gross displays of wealth and status.'
Plenty of people quickly jumped to the influencers defense, as one person said, 'If this is about Gabriela, the Kentucky Derby's official TT page posted her in the dress that sparked the "controversy." If they don't see it as an issue, then neither should anyone else.'
Myka told FEMAIL that while the Derby 'has long been known for polished fashion and over the top hats' and looks have gotten trendier over time 'it's still an event with its own unspoken dress code.'
'While there isn't a formal dress code at the Derby, dressing in elegant attire is a cherished part of the event's culture,' Myka revealed.
'Certain areas within Churchill Downs, such as the clubhouse and suites, have guidelines that suggest business casual or cocktail attire, including jackets, blazers, dresses, or pantsuits, and I think it's important to dress and act to show respect the culture we find ourselves in.'
However, Myka also thinks that 'if the Derby has made a conscious choice not to release restrictions it's up to the guest to interpret, especially since the sister race, the Royal Ascot, has a very strict, enforced dress code.
Some TikTok commenters thought people wearing racy outfits to more traditional places was generational, as someone said, 'Why is Gen Z so allergic to decorum.'
Myka agreed that there has been a shift, as Gen Z is 'unafraid to challenge norms,' which has led to them 'redefining' decorum.
One person on TikTok explained 'it's not an attack on femininity, body shaming, or trying to control women. It's just decency and decorum. Y'all slay, but time and place matters.'
The etiquette expert agreed, 'decorum means to wear something that shows respect to the culture, or formality of a place or event, which is also what I call situational awareness.'
