21-05-2025
An 11-year-old played softball too well—and what the adults did next will infuriate parents everywhere
Oregon mom Tracy Burchfield never expected to watch her 11-year-old daughter be publicly challenged for simply playing well. Brinley Stephens had just stepped up to bat at a youth softball game and hit a clean line drive when two adult male coaches from the opposing team stormed the field. One shouted, 'I want to see birth certificates or this game's done!'
Brinley, a fifth grader who stands 5'10' and plays for the Astoria Future Fish, had already gone through standard age verification. Her height wasn't suspicious; it was simply tall. Still, the coaches saw her athleticism as cause for confrontation. She was left in tears.
Her mom watched, horrified. 'There's these two adults confronting her,' Burchfield told ABC News. 'Thank God that our coach was there to step in between.'
Instead of being celebrated for her strength, she was punished for it.
What happened at that softball game is, sadly, a familiar story for many mothers. When girls excel, they're often questioned instead of encouraged.
The incident wasn't isolated. 'We are still investigating the incident … The player did nothing wrong as she is just tall … and skilled for her age,' said Benjie Hedgecock, the executive director of North American Fastpitch. One coach received a full-season suspension. The other got 10 days and probation. Parents in the stands also reported obscene gestures from the coaches after the game.
As the mom of tall kids, I know it can be surprising to hear that they're 'just tall' and the same age as your kids. But girls face cultural stigmas for being 'too strong,' 'too loud,' and 'too good. We know there's a deeper issue at play.
Related: 10 important phrases parents can use to empower their daughters
Don't stand out.
Don't be too loud.
Don't be too strong.
Don't outshine the boys.
Even in 2025, it's still happening—on ballfields, in classrooms, and in everyday parenting moments. How many moms of tall girls have heard, 'Wow, she looks older,' like that justifies treating them differently?
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, around 70% of kids quit organized sports by age 13. A top reason? Adults who make the experience too intense. From yelling in the stands to excessive pressure to moments like Brinley's—where a girl gets singled out not for bad behavior but for being too good.
As moms, we've been here before. We've seen how quickly strength in our daughters gets mistaken for threat. In school, they're told to sit down and be quiet. On the field, they're questioned for standing out. And when they speak up, they're labeled dramatic, bossy, or out of line.
This behavior sends a clear message: excellence has limits, and they're tighter for girls.
Related: Super Bowl ad calls out how body shaming pushes girls out of sports
Raising confident girls in this culture requires strategy and solidarity. If something like this happens to your daughter—or any kid—here's what experts recommend:
Model calm, assertive advocacy. If an adult crosses a line, step in. Your composure teaches your child how to handle conflict and see that their worth is non-negotiable.
Debrief privately. Let your child vent without jumping straight to fixes. Acknowledge the hurt and remind them that their value isn't up for debate.
Keep receipts. Have documentation ready (like registration forms or rosters) so that in heated moments, facts can speak louder than bias.
Affirm their power. Tell your daughter: 'Being strong makes some people uncomfortable. That's their work, not yours.' These small moments of support help build long-term confidence—even when the world tells her otherwise.
Related: How to raise girls who lead
Brinley's height and skill should have been celebrated. Instead, they became grounds for suspicion. Her story points to a broader pattern where girls who defy expectations are often treated as problems.
We see it in classrooms when assertive girls are labeled as disruptive. We see it in media coverage of female athletes who are scrutinized more for their looks than their performance. And we see it in everyday parenting moments—when people tell moms of tall girls, 'Wow, she looks older,' as if that justifies treating them differently.
It starts young. And it sticks.
Youth sports are meant to be character-building. But character doesn't grow in a culture of adult ego, gender bias, and public shaming. It grows when kids feel safe to try, to fail, and to succeed without fear of being torn down.
Brinley didn't do anything wrong. She played her game. The adults failed her.
Let's do better.
Because the next time your daughter steps onto the field, court, or classroom, she should know—without question—that she belongs there.
Related: How to Get Girls to Raise Their Hands
