15 hours ago
Lions tours need more needle, not niceties – so bring on the Aussie baiting
'And now introducing your 100 per cent pure-bred Wallabies. On the wing, there is Wimbledon-born but now magically Australian, Harry Potter.
'Introducing our centre, its Samoan-born, New Zealand-raised, capped by the Samoan Under-20s, Hunter Paisami. At fly-half there is another Kiwi in Noah Lolesio.
'Starting in the second-row, it's another one born in New Zealand, of Samoan descent, who has spent most of his life in Europe, it's our big fella Will Skelton … and at prop, it's the Tongan Thor now an Aussie by residency, Taniela Tupou.'
You see, that dual nationality thing cuts both ways and David Campese's description of the tourists as the 'British and Irish and Pacific Island Lions' applies far more to the Wallabies than it does to Andy Farrell's squad.
Indeed, Australia's resident rent-a-quote might want to look at who instituted the project player system in Ireland which brought in players such as Bundee Aki, James Lowe and Jamison Gibson-Park, a certain Joe Schmidt.
Really, the only countries who can legitimately mount a high horse about foreign-born players are from South America.
Nearly everywhere else, the lines of what can be considered 'native', as Willie John McBride crudely termed it, have been blurred by the modern trends of global migration.
People of multicultural backgrounds do not always fit into neat pigeonholes. Does Marcus Smith not have the right to represent the Lions because he was born in Manila to an English father and Filipina mother?
Or if he does then surely Mack Hansen, who has an Australian father and Irish mother, must also qualify?
If not, then where do you draw the line? Passport? Schooling? Accent?
ADVERTISEMENT
Learn more
These are decisions that go far beyond Farrell's remit as Lions head coach and if you speak to the wonderfully entertaining Pierre Schoeman, or the engaging Sione Tuipulotu, you will be absolutely convinced of their legitimate passion to represent the Lions.
Nor is this a particularly new development. Go back a century and you will find Tom Richards and Blair Swannell having represented both the Lions and Australia.
Both war heroes are now honoured with man-of-the-match medals during this tour.
Still, the subject of the Lions' mixed nationalities was low-hanging fruit that the stadium announcer in Perth was absolutely entitled to go for, likely a juicy full toss pitched up across the bridge at the Waca.
Tuipulotu took no grave offence and almost seemed hurt that the Aussie sledging was not of a higher standard.
This is standard fare for a Lions tour. Four years ago, Springboks boss Rassie Erasmus injected a poison into the series with his character assassination of referee Nic Berry that turned the tour toxic.
Understandably, Farrell and Schmidt want to avoid a similar scenario and have resolved to be the picture of politeness towards one another's sides, with Schmidt already rowing back on his own 'southern hemisphere centre partnership' comment about Tuipulotu and Aki.
'I'm conscious of [making provocative comments], and I'm conscious that other coaches do it, but I don't anticipate it happening in this Lions tour,' Schmidt told the Sydney Morning Herald last week.
'Faz [Farrell] and I have had a few conversations about how we'd like the narrative of the tour to be a celebration of rugby. I think for Australian rugby, we need that.'
Balls to that. Lions tours need needle rather than niceties. The rancour is almost as famous as the rugby, from the '99' call in 1974 to 1989's Battle of Ballymore or the 2005 spear tackle of Brian O'Driscoll.
The insults from Austin Healey's fateful description of Justin Harrison as a 'plank' or Warren Gatland getting the clown treatment in 2017 are as iconic as many of the tries from those series.
Not everyone will have enjoyed Henry Pollock's in-your-face-celebrations following Elliot Daly's first try which prompted a minor kerfuffle, but Farrell will be delighted by the fact that the first person who rushed to his defence was Joe McCarthy.
The distinctly non-glitzy McCarthy could not seem further removed from the Northampton flanker's personality, but this is precisely how bonds are formed on a Lions tour.
Undoubtedly when Force flanker Nick Champion de Crespigny reports back to Wallabies camp, the target on Pollock's back will have grown further, one of about a dozen intriguing individual sub-plots going into this series.
A rematch of Ellis Genge v Tupou from the 2022 England tour has pay-per-view potential.
So too the super-heavyweight match-up between Skelton and McCarthy, while Carlo Tizzano has definitely kept the receipt of his last meeting with Tom Curry.
This is all before we get to the even more fascinating master versus apprentice coaching battle between Schmidt and Farrell.
So bring on the sledging and the shithousery, the Lions are more than ready to deal with better barbs than what was thrown Tuipulotu's way.
