16 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Cosmopolitan
Meet Your Modern "Sex and the City" Girls: Dylan Mulvaney, Josie Totah, and Miss Benny
Welcome to Love Transcends, a special project by Cosmopolitan that celebrates the resilience, wisdom, hope, and joy of the trans community as its members navigate romantic love. Through in-depth interviews and personal essays, trans people share what it's like to date, hook up, break up, and fall in and hold onto love in the midst of sweeping anti-trans legislation and attacks on personal safeties and freedoms of expression. Click here to see the entire collection.
Everything best friends Dylan Mulvaney, 28, Josie Totah, 23, and Miss Benny, 26, know about dating comes from another set of very well-known best friends—Carrie Bradshaw, Samantha Jones, Charlotte York, and Miranda Hobbes. The real-life trio likes to emulate their fictional icons and dating blueprint, Sex and the City, on their NYC nights out.
On any given evening, Josie, an actor currently starring in season 2 of the Apple TV+ series The Buccaneers, is playing matchmaker. 'My friends call me the publicist,' she laughs. Miss Benny, an actor, musician, and former YouTuber, is the self-professed life of the party ('I'm the antagonist if things get boring'). And Dylan, a content creator and the author of the best-selling Paper Doll: Notes From a Late Bloomer, is the heart. 'Dylan is making sure we're all feeling complete joy,' says Miss Benny.
Together, they weather the ups and downs of searching for romantic intimacy and navigating dating in their 20s, each supporting the others and holding out for love on their own terms. And, as you'll witness in this exclusive interview, they're having way too much fun along the way…
Josie: I'm like a sedated Samantha. I'm not necessarily doing the crazy things, but I'm always offering the craziest option.
Benny: In my heart, I am a Charlotte, but anyone in this room would say I'm a Samantha.
Dylan: I'm the Charlotte, a little more buttoned-up. But Charlotte does still have her 'let loose' moments—the girls definitely bring that out in me.
Benny: Sometimes Josie is a Miranda, where she's more sophisticated and knows what she's doing, but for the most part, she's main character energy…
Dylan: Josie is totally a Carrie.
Josie: Fuck, why did I say I'm the Samantha? I'm so the Carrie.
Dylan: I met Josie in a bathroom at a dive bar. I hadn't been kissed as a girl yet, and she was like, 'You don't have to fuck him—just kiss the guy!' That felt like a very Sex and the City moment—I ended up having my first kiss in front of her.
Benny: When I'm looking for advice, I drop it in the group chat. My favorite thing is that we all have different approaches to love and sex and romance.
Josie: Instead of having a meeting spot for breakfast, we're on the couch, eating a panini, staining our pajamas. Benny will say something and I will be like, 'That is the most offensive thing you have ever said to me…' Three months later, I'll realize Benny was right.
Benny: I am the big sister when it comes to boys!
Josie: Dylan gets the call mid–panic attack. She is the person who can help me see above water.
Benny: Sometimes I wonder if it's even really about the men in my life or if I just want more reasons to talk to my best friends!
Josie: The show is literally a Bible, but I would say the importance of having a village of women.
Benny: It always comes back to the girls. It will always come back to my friends. I think about the scene where Charlotte is talking about all of the hardships they've been through and she's like….
Dylan: ...'What if we're each other's soulmates?' Before I met Josie and Benny, I thought of my work events as 'fun,' but they've really shown me. We have each other in such a loving capacity, hopefully for the rest of our lives.
Benny: We've seen many a gentleman come through, and there's been heartbreak and so many laughs, but it's always the three of us, lying around, ordering takeout, and talking shit.
Benny: First, we are all panicking in the group chat, trying to make a plan.
Dylan: Then we're meeting up at someone's house. We're dishing. We're ordering food.
Benny: The pre-game is honestly the reason we all go out together—we put on music, get ready, set intentions.
Josie: I know where we're going, how we're getting there, what we're doing.
Benny: As soon as we get to the bar, somehow within five minutes, Josie has already met the manager and is getting us free drinks. Next thing you know we're in the DJ booth.
Josie: Benny and Dylan are in charge of the storyline. If they have a crush, we are plotting like we're in the CIA. My crush is usually the manager and I'm figuring out how we can work together in the future. They're finding the love of their life; I'm finding my next check.
Benny: We've all got our roles, and we take them very seriously. Listen, someone has to take on the responsibility of being an absolute floozy, and I'm here to do that! I will find a man and make him fall in love with me.
Dylan: Something that's surefire is that we'll order Taco Bell, have a sleepover, and talk until it's 6 in the morning.
Josie: I am.
Benny: 100 percent. Josie is a matchmaker to the point where if I say I'm interested in someone even a little bit, the next thing I know I'm at their house and I don't even know how it happened.
Dylan: Josie's job on this planet is to get her friends laid.
Josie: Social media makes everything worse because it eliminates the mystery. I need to know less about everyone. And truly, seeing a man post a mirror selfie makes me feel emotionally disturbed to the point of no return.
Josie: Sacrilegious. We could have gone so far, but you had to post a photo of you in front of your one hanging plant and a Chekhov book.
Dylan: I don't hear about people going on as many first dates. Dating has become centered around hookups, like you are just going directly to someone's house. But I still really enjoy meeting someone in real life. I love a drink, I love an activity—I would love to have that before anything else.
Dylan: People want the dolls. Some are scared to want the dolls, but they inevitably do. I also love dating outside of America right now. I can see myself being with someone who isn't American.
Benny: The best part about dating is that it's so fun. The most frustrating part is that there simply is not enough time—too many options, not enough time!
Dylan: I believe love still exists. As tricky as it can be, especially for the dolls, I know that all three of us are worth healthy, amazing relationships and won't settle for anything less. That's the best part—that love could be around any corner if you let it.
Dylan: I've always had the best luck dating when I feel hot. Whether that's physical or mostly mental. It doesn't have to mean full glam; it doesn't have to mean a sexy dress. It really is a mindset that has worked out for me—and hopefully for everyone else too.
Benny: If you just go out, you look and feel beautiful, and you cause a scene, people will come to you. Almost every man I've had a lovely fling with in the last year is because I was acting a fool at a club. Also, match your lip liner to your blush.
A shorter version of this story appears in Cosmopolitan's Summer 2025 print issue.
For an expanded list of resources specific to the trans community, click here.
Hair by Zenobia Imani Teague. Makeup by Dani Parkes at Exclusive Artists.
