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'Farmer wow': tanties, texts and the 'chills you get walking home alone at night'

Farmer Wow! The 'previously on' package has given me chills down my spine as Farmer Tom tells Georgie in the most monotone, expressionless way that he has "fallen head over heels" for her. And not romantic chills either, more like the chills you get when you're walking home alone at night and you sense someone is following you. I can only hope that his flat affect is setting the scene for another fantastic episode of Farmer Wants a Wife. I am pretty bummed out to realise I missed seeing Farmer Corey's family and friends interrogating those poor, unsuspecting women. I wonder if any of these people have worked for ASIO? Farmer Corey - The lack of self-awareness is astounding as Farmer Corey gloats that his friends and family are the best ones to pick the love of his life because 'they know why my past relationships haven't worked'. Maybe he would know the reason, too, if he were a little more present. - Keeley goes in for the old 'Spiderman-style' upside-down kiss, and then backs it up later with some over-the-shirt action by the fire. Good for you Keeley. - I can't believe we're this far along in the season and Corey still has a shocked look on his face every time a woman reminds him they live in another state and might not be able to move at the drop of an Akubra. - Turns out Corey is behind on his farm chores, so he rallies the women to get the harvest to town. Nothing like a bit of free labour to increase on-farm income, just don't tell the ATO. - Jadee final gets some screentime but all Corey can think about is when she's moving in. He has a mortgage to pay and he's keen to go halvesies ASAP. She signs the tentative shareholder agreement with a snog. Farmer Thomas - Taking a plane ride to get to know someone seems like the best way to deal with rejection if it doesn't work out. - Poor Clarette is begging for old mate to communicate with her, but getting a compliment out of Thomas seems to be harder than finding the bung in an algae-filled trough. - Nothing says romance like tartan and Primo Twiggy Sticks, and Rachel can't help but succumb to Thomas' charms. - Thomas lines the women up and lets them know that he has a 'fun day' planned for them. Which is what my dad used to say to me before he'd leave me down the back paddock to rip out old fence posts. Apparently, his heart needs to know who can change a tractor tyre. - Clarette is sneaking around the side verandah to get Farmer T's attention. The camera does a quick pan to his hand rubbing the bit between her lower back and upper bum before they have a big old smooch. Farmer Jack - Who the hell is this guy? - He's nervous, excited and optimistic: sounds like every farmer who's just seen rain on the BoM radar. - He's looking for a woman who is 'down to earth, has a good sense of humour and someone who loves the outdoors'. I feel like he just described the majority of the alas, let the speed-dating begin! - Gold Coast-based Hayley is ready to play out the 'popular girl falls for the outcast' trope in some sort of Superbad meets Sweet Home Alabama mashup. They admit to ignoring each other in high school, but the uplifting music is making me think she's already won. Only time will tell. - Jack is happy to hear that Monique, the brickie, is no stranger to hard work, and it's starting to feel like these farmers are all just looking for a lackey. - After some consultation with the producer, he chose Sarah, Hayley, Olivia, and Monique. - Sarah gets to go back to the farm before the other women arrive, giving her a 24-hour advantage. - Jack takes Sarah out the back door to let her know that everything the light touches could be hers one day, and generously lets her name a few cows to show how serious he is. They reckon there would be some drama in this episode, and it's about blooming time. Farmer Jack: Back at the farm, new 10-year-old Farmer Jack attempts to master the smoulder as he wanders amongst his cows. Unfortunately, it comes across more as a lost primary school student considering a future of petty crime. - A carload of women yelling 'look at those bulls!' turns up. I just need to note toddler farmer Jack's bull is called Sponge Bob. - He says it's not a deal breaker if they can't work on the farm. He then gives them the crappiest job possible on a dairy - cleaning the milking shed. He makes Hayley shove her arm down a drain and pull out handfuls of poo. - The toddler takes his girls go-karting. GO-KARTING. They pull on hair nets and bore around. Sarah has a meltdown because she drives a go-kart like an 87-year-old woman trying to unwrap a barley sugar. - Meanwhile, the toddler and whoever was in his cart can't hear each other. This is how the conversation went: Him: I'm in primary school. Her: I like you toooo! Him: I look like a hobbit. Her: Thank you. My mum gave it to me. - After her crap driving, Sarah attaches herself to Bilbo Baggins, and incessantly rubs his nipple. - All the girls are staying in his play pen. Farmer Corey: - Corey and his girls go to play touch football - seeing five people attempt to play touch is like watching a goat trying to extract its head from a bucket. - Annie is cranky as a newly-spayed cow, and forces Corey into a conversation where she declares her worth. "I KNOW I'M A CATCHHHHH!'. She is so humble. - The whole of Biloela - so 10 people - turn out to watch them play the local team, who appear to be children. The farmer team shows the practice session earlier did not pay off. Farmer Corey doesn't pass the ball to Annie, so she's filthy. - That night at dinner, Annie chucks a tanty because she reckons Keeley is sneaking off to Corey's bed at night. They hiss at each other over the table, and when he returns to tears and scowls, Detective Corey senses there's drama. Keeley and Corey say nothing went on, Annie runs off crying, decides to break up with Corey before he dumps her, and leaves. Farmer Thomas: - Thomas' girls head to the coast on a perfect beach day - windy and gloomy. Thanks again, BoM. Clarette is sticky as a tick in the tropics, and gets the poos when other girls want to see their boyfriend. - But back at the farm, more poop is brewing than in Farmer Jack's dairy drain. Thomas got a text from Claire - you know the girl who left weeks ago? The girls are fuming like a shearer who turns up to full sheep. Farmer Thomas is very respectful towards Claire. "She's dead to me," he declares. He admits he sent Claire a photo of a tractor. Clarette does not want the tractor compromised. - Thomas sends a text to Claire to tell her to bugger off. He then gets cranky with the cameras following him - on a REALITY TV SHOW. Clarette wants to see the messages - there's more there than EBVs for a top-selling bull. He admits to flirting and Clarette calls him names that we got our mouths washed out with soap for. Thomas has had enough - and does a big burn-out in the dirt in the ute and drives away. We're so glad the production crew thought to include the sound of tyres screeching on bitumen for this scene. Farmer Wow! The 'previously on' package has given me chills down my spine as Farmer Tom tells Georgie in the most monotone, expressionless way that he has "fallen head over heels" for her. And not romantic chills either, more like the chills you get when you're walking home alone at night and you sense someone is following you. I can only hope that his flat affect is setting the scene for another fantastic episode of Farmer Wants a Wife. I am pretty bummed out to realise I missed seeing Farmer Corey's family and friends interrogating those poor, unsuspecting women. I wonder if any of these people have worked for ASIO? Farmer Corey - The lack of self-awareness is astounding as Farmer Corey gloats that his friends and family are the best ones to pick the love of his life because 'they know why my past relationships haven't worked'. Maybe he would know the reason, too, if he were a little more present. - Keeley goes in for the old 'Spiderman-style' upside-down kiss, and then backs it up later with some over-the-shirt action by the fire. Good for you Keeley. - I can't believe we're this far along in the season and Corey still has a shocked look on his face every time a woman reminds him they live in another state and might not be able to move at the drop of an Akubra. - Turns out Corey is behind on his farm chores, so he rallies the women to get the harvest to town. Nothing like a bit of free labour to increase on-farm income, just don't tell the ATO. - Jadee final gets some screentime but all Corey can think about is when she's moving in. He has a mortgage to pay and he's keen to go halvesies ASAP. She signs the tentative shareholder agreement with a snog. Farmer Thomas - Taking a plane ride to get to know someone seems like the best way to deal with rejection if it doesn't work out. - Poor Clarette is begging for old mate to communicate with her, but getting a compliment out of Thomas seems to be harder than finding the bung in an algae-filled trough. - Nothing says romance like tartan and Primo Twiggy Sticks, and Rachel can't help but succumb to Thomas' charms. - Thomas lines the women up and lets them know that he has a 'fun day' planned for them. Which is what my dad used to say to me before he'd leave me down the back paddock to rip out old fence posts. Apparently, his heart needs to know who can change a tractor tyre. - Clarette is sneaking around the side verandah to get Farmer T's attention. The camera does a quick pan to his hand rubbing the bit between her lower back and upper bum before they have a big old smooch. Farmer Jack - Who the hell is this guy? - He's nervous, excited and optimistic: sounds like every farmer who's just seen rain on the BoM radar. - He's looking for a woman who is 'down to earth, has a good sense of humour and someone who loves the outdoors'. I feel like he just described the majority of the alas, let the speed-dating begin! - Gold Coast-based Hayley is ready to play out the 'popular girl falls for the outcast' trope in some sort of Superbad meets Sweet Home Alabama mashup. They admit to ignoring each other in high school, but the uplifting music is making me think she's already won. Only time will tell. - Jack is happy to hear that Monique, the brickie, is no stranger to hard work, and it's starting to feel like these farmers are all just looking for a lackey. - After some consultation with the producer, he chose Sarah, Hayley, Olivia, and Monique. - Sarah gets to go back to the farm before the other women arrive, giving her a 24-hour advantage. - Jack takes Sarah out the back door to let her know that everything the light touches could be hers one day, and generously lets her name a few cows to show how serious he is. They reckon there would be some drama in this episode, and it's about blooming time. Farmer Jack: Back at the farm, new 10-year-old Farmer Jack attempts to master the smoulder as he wanders amongst his cows. Unfortunately, it comes across more as a lost primary school student considering a future of petty crime. - A carload of women yelling 'look at those bulls!' turns up. I just need to note toddler farmer Jack's bull is called Sponge Bob. - He says it's not a deal breaker if they can't work on the farm. He then gives them the crappiest job possible on a dairy - cleaning the milking shed. He makes Hayley shove her arm down a drain and pull out handfuls of poo. - The toddler takes his girls go-karting. GO-KARTING. They pull on hair nets and bore around. Sarah has a meltdown because she drives a go-kart like an 87-year-old woman trying to unwrap a barley sugar. - Meanwhile, the toddler and whoever was in his cart can't hear each other. This is how the conversation went: Him: I'm in primary school. Her: I like you toooo! Him: I look like a hobbit. Her: Thank you. My mum gave it to me. - After her crap driving, Sarah attaches herself to Bilbo Baggins, and incessantly rubs his nipple. - All the girls are staying in his play pen. Farmer Corey: - Corey and his girls go to play touch football - seeing five people attempt to play touch is like watching a goat trying to extract its head from a bucket. - Annie is cranky as a newly-spayed cow, and forces Corey into a conversation where she declares her worth. "I KNOW I'M A CATCHHHHH!'. She is so humble. - The whole of Biloela - so 10 people - turn out to watch them play the local team, who appear to be children. The farmer team shows the practice session earlier did not pay off. Farmer Corey doesn't pass the ball to Annie, so she's filthy. - That night at dinner, Annie chucks a tanty because she reckons Keeley is sneaking off to Corey's bed at night. They hiss at each other over the table, and when he returns to tears and scowls, Detective Corey senses there's drama. Keeley and Corey say nothing went on, Annie runs off crying, decides to break up with Corey before he dumps her, and leaves. Farmer Thomas: - Thomas' girls head to the coast on a perfect beach day - windy and gloomy. Thanks again, BoM. Clarette is sticky as a tick in the tropics, and gets the poos when other girls want to see their boyfriend. - But back at the farm, more poop is brewing than in Farmer Jack's dairy drain. Thomas got a text from Claire - you know the girl who left weeks ago? The girls are fuming like a shearer who turns up to full sheep. Farmer Thomas is very respectful towards Claire. "She's dead to me," he declares. He admits he sent Claire a photo of a tractor. Clarette does not want the tractor compromised. - Thomas sends a text to Claire to tell her to bugger off. He then gets cranky with the cameras following him - on a REALITY TV SHOW. Clarette wants to see the messages - there's more there than EBVs for a top-selling bull. He admits to flirting and Clarette calls him names that we got our mouths washed out with soap for. Thomas has had enough - and does a big burn-out in the dirt in the ute and drives away. We're so glad the production crew thought to include the sound of tyres screeching on bitumen for this scene. Farmer Wow! The 'previously on' package has given me chills down my spine as Farmer Tom tells Georgie in the most monotone, expressionless way that he has "fallen head over heels" for her. And not romantic chills either, more like the chills you get when you're walking home alone at night and you sense someone is following you. I can only hope that his flat affect is setting the scene for another fantastic episode of Farmer Wants a Wife. I am pretty bummed out to realise I missed seeing Farmer Corey's family and friends interrogating those poor, unsuspecting women. I wonder if any of these people have worked for ASIO? Farmer Corey - The lack of self-awareness is astounding as Farmer Corey gloats that his friends and family are the best ones to pick the love of his life because 'they know why my past relationships haven't worked'. Maybe he would know the reason, too, if he were a little more present. - Keeley goes in for the old 'Spiderman-style' upside-down kiss, and then backs it up later with some over-the-shirt action by the fire. Good for you Keeley. - I can't believe we're this far along in the season and Corey still has a shocked look on his face every time a woman reminds him they live in another state and might not be able to move at the drop of an Akubra. - Turns out Corey is behind on his farm chores, so he rallies the women to get the harvest to town. Nothing like a bit of free labour to increase on-farm income, just don't tell the ATO. - Jadee final gets some screentime but all Corey can think about is when she's moving in. He has a mortgage to pay and he's keen to go halvesies ASAP. She signs the tentative shareholder agreement with a snog. Farmer Thomas - Taking a plane ride to get to know someone seems like the best way to deal with rejection if it doesn't work out. - Poor Clarette is begging for old mate to communicate with her, but getting a compliment out of Thomas seems to be harder than finding the bung in an algae-filled trough. - Nothing says romance like tartan and Primo Twiggy Sticks, and Rachel can't help but succumb to Thomas' charms. - Thomas lines the women up and lets them know that he has a 'fun day' planned for them. Which is what my dad used to say to me before he'd leave me down the back paddock to rip out old fence posts. Apparently, his heart needs to know who can change a tractor tyre. - Clarette is sneaking around the side verandah to get Farmer T's attention. The camera does a quick pan to his hand rubbing the bit between her lower back and upper bum before they have a big old smooch. Farmer Jack - Who the hell is this guy? - He's nervous, excited and optimistic: sounds like every farmer who's just seen rain on the BoM radar. - He's looking for a woman who is 'down to earth, has a good sense of humour and someone who loves the outdoors'. I feel like he just described the majority of the alas, let the speed-dating begin! - Gold Coast-based Hayley is ready to play out the 'popular girl falls for the outcast' trope in some sort of Superbad meets Sweet Home Alabama mashup. They admit to ignoring each other in high school, but the uplifting music is making me think she's already won. Only time will tell. - Jack is happy to hear that Monique, the brickie, is no stranger to hard work, and it's starting to feel like these farmers are all just looking for a lackey. - After some consultation with the producer, he chose Sarah, Hayley, Olivia, and Monique. - Sarah gets to go back to the farm before the other women arrive, giving her a 24-hour advantage. - Jack takes Sarah out the back door to let her know that everything the light touches could be hers one day, and generously lets her name a few cows to show how serious he is. They reckon there would be some drama in this episode, and it's about blooming time. Farmer Jack: Back at the farm, new 10-year-old Farmer Jack attempts to master the smoulder as he wanders amongst his cows. Unfortunately, it comes across more as a lost primary school student considering a future of petty crime. - A carload of women yelling 'look at those bulls!' turns up. I just need to note toddler farmer Jack's bull is called Sponge Bob. - He says it's not a deal breaker if they can't work on the farm. He then gives them the crappiest job possible on a dairy - cleaning the milking shed. He makes Hayley shove her arm down a drain and pull out handfuls of poo. - The toddler takes his girls go-karting. GO-KARTING. They pull on hair nets and bore around. Sarah has a meltdown because she drives a go-kart like an 87-year-old woman trying to unwrap a barley sugar. - Meanwhile, the toddler and whoever was in his cart can't hear each other. This is how the conversation went: Him: I'm in primary school. Her: I like you toooo! Him: I look like a hobbit. Her: Thank you. My mum gave it to me. - After her crap driving, Sarah attaches herself to Bilbo Baggins, and incessantly rubs his nipple. - All the girls are staying in his play pen. Farmer Corey: - Corey and his girls go to play touch football - seeing five people attempt to play touch is like watching a goat trying to extract its head from a bucket. - Annie is cranky as a newly-spayed cow, and forces Corey into a conversation where she declares her worth. "I KNOW I'M A CATCHHHHH!'. She is so humble. - The whole of Biloela - so 10 people - turn out to watch them play the local team, who appear to be children. The farmer team shows the practice session earlier did not pay off. Farmer Corey doesn't pass the ball to Annie, so she's filthy. - That night at dinner, Annie chucks a tanty because she reckons Keeley is sneaking off to Corey's bed at night. They hiss at each other over the table, and when he returns to tears and scowls, Detective Corey senses there's drama. Keeley and Corey say nothing went on, Annie runs off crying, decides to break up with Corey before he dumps her, and leaves. Farmer Thomas: - Thomas' girls head to the coast on a perfect beach day - windy and gloomy. Thanks again, BoM. Clarette is sticky as a tick in the tropics, and gets the poos when other girls want to see their boyfriend. - But back at the farm, more poop is brewing than in Farmer Jack's dairy drain. Thomas got a text from Claire - you know the girl who left weeks ago? The girls are fuming like a shearer who turns up to full sheep. Farmer Thomas is very respectful towards Claire. "She's dead to me," he declares. He admits he sent Claire a photo of a tractor. Clarette does not want the tractor compromised. - Thomas sends a text to Claire to tell her to bugger off. He then gets cranky with the cameras following him - on a REALITY TV SHOW. Clarette wants to see the messages - there's more there than EBVs for a top-selling bull. He admits to flirting and Clarette calls him names that we got our mouths washed out with soap for. Thomas has had enough - and does a big burn-out in the dirt in the ute and drives away. We're so glad the production crew thought to include the sound of tyres screeching on bitumen for this scene. Farmer Wow! The 'previously on' package has given me chills down my spine as Farmer Tom tells Georgie in the most monotone, expressionless way that he has "fallen head over heels" for her. And not romantic chills either, more like the chills you get when you're walking home alone at night and you sense someone is following you. I can only hope that his flat affect is setting the scene for another fantastic episode of Farmer Wants a Wife. I am pretty bummed out to realise I missed seeing Farmer Corey's family and friends interrogating those poor, unsuspecting women. I wonder if any of these people have worked for ASIO? Farmer Corey - The lack of self-awareness is astounding as Farmer Corey gloats that his friends and family are the best ones to pick the love of his life because 'they know why my past relationships haven't worked'. Maybe he would know the reason, too, if he were a little more present. - Keeley goes in for the old 'Spiderman-style' upside-down kiss, and then backs it up later with some over-the-shirt action by the fire. Good for you Keeley. - I can't believe we're this far along in the season and Corey still has a shocked look on his face every time a woman reminds him they live in another state and might not be able to move at the drop of an Akubra. - Turns out Corey is behind on his farm chores, so he rallies the women to get the harvest to town. Nothing like a bit of free labour to increase on-farm income, just don't tell the ATO. - Jadee final gets some screentime but all Corey can think about is when she's moving in. He has a mortgage to pay and he's keen to go halvesies ASAP. She signs the tentative shareholder agreement with a snog. Farmer Thomas - Taking a plane ride to get to know someone seems like the best way to deal with rejection if it doesn't work out. - Poor Clarette is begging for old mate to communicate with her, but getting a compliment out of Thomas seems to be harder than finding the bung in an algae-filled trough. - Nothing says romance like tartan and Primo Twiggy Sticks, and Rachel can't help but succumb to Thomas' charms. - Thomas lines the women up and lets them know that he has a 'fun day' planned for them. Which is what my dad used to say to me before he'd leave me down the back paddock to rip out old fence posts. Apparently, his heart needs to know who can change a tractor tyre. - Clarette is sneaking around the side verandah to get Farmer T's attention. The camera does a quick pan to his hand rubbing the bit between her lower back and upper bum before they have a big old smooch. Farmer Jack - Who the hell is this guy? - He's nervous, excited and optimistic: sounds like every farmer who's just seen rain on the BoM radar. - He's looking for a woman who is 'down to earth, has a good sense of humour and someone who loves the outdoors'. I feel like he just described the majority of the alas, let the speed-dating begin! - Gold Coast-based Hayley is ready to play out the 'popular girl falls for the outcast' trope in some sort of Superbad meets Sweet Home Alabama mashup. They admit to ignoring each other in high school, but the uplifting music is making me think she's already won. Only time will tell. - Jack is happy to hear that Monique, the brickie, is no stranger to hard work, and it's starting to feel like these farmers are all just looking for a lackey. - After some consultation with the producer, he chose Sarah, Hayley, Olivia, and Monique. - Sarah gets to go back to the farm before the other women arrive, giving her a 24-hour advantage. - Jack takes Sarah out the back door to let her know that everything the light touches could be hers one day, and generously lets her name a few cows to show how serious he is. They reckon there would be some drama in this episode, and it's about blooming time. Farmer Jack: Back at the farm, new 10-year-old Farmer Jack attempts to master the smoulder as he wanders amongst his cows. Unfortunately, it comes across more as a lost primary school student considering a future of petty crime. - A carload of women yelling 'look at those bulls!' turns up. I just need to note toddler farmer Jack's bull is called Sponge Bob. - He says it's not a deal breaker if they can't work on the farm. He then gives them the crappiest job possible on a dairy - cleaning the milking shed. He makes Hayley shove her arm down a drain and pull out handfuls of poo. - The toddler takes his girls go-karting. GO-KARTING. They pull on hair nets and bore around. Sarah has a meltdown because she drives a go-kart like an 87-year-old woman trying to unwrap a barley sugar. - Meanwhile, the toddler and whoever was in his cart can't hear each other. This is how the conversation went: Him: I'm in primary school. Her: I like you toooo! Him: I look like a hobbit. Her: Thank you. My mum gave it to me. - After her crap driving, Sarah attaches herself to Bilbo Baggins, and incessantly rubs his nipple. - All the girls are staying in his play pen. Farmer Corey: - Corey and his girls go to play touch football - seeing five people attempt to play touch is like watching a goat trying to extract its head from a bucket. - Annie is cranky as a newly-spayed cow, and forces Corey into a conversation where she declares her worth. "I KNOW I'M A CATCHHHHH!'. She is so humble. - The whole of Biloela - so 10 people - turn out to watch them play the local team, who appear to be children. The farmer team shows the practice session earlier did not pay off. Farmer Corey doesn't pass the ball to Annie, so she's filthy. - That night at dinner, Annie chucks a tanty because she reckons Keeley is sneaking off to Corey's bed at night. They hiss at each other over the table, and when he returns to tears and scowls, Detective Corey senses there's drama. Keeley and Corey say nothing went on, Annie runs off crying, decides to break up with Corey before he dumps her, and leaves. Farmer Thomas: - Thomas' girls head to the coast on a perfect beach day - windy and gloomy. Thanks again, BoM. Clarette is sticky as a tick in the tropics, and gets the poos when other girls want to see their boyfriend. - But back at the farm, more poop is brewing than in Farmer Jack's dairy drain. Thomas got a text from Claire - you know the girl who left weeks ago? The girls are fuming like a shearer who turns up to full sheep. Farmer Thomas is very respectful towards Claire. "She's dead to me," he declares. He admits he sent Claire a photo of a tractor. Clarette does not want the tractor compromised. - Thomas sends a text to Claire to tell her to bugger off. He then gets cranky with the cameras following him - on a REALITY TV SHOW. Clarette wants to see the messages - there's more there than EBVs for a top-selling bull. He admits to flirting and Clarette calls him names that we got our mouths washed out with soap for. Thomas has had enough - and does a big burn-out in the dirt in the ute and drives away. We're so glad the production crew thought to include the sound of tyres screeching on bitumen for this scene.