5 days ago
Three sisters who suffered their father's sexual abuse for years publish audiobook for survivors
When Paula Kavanagh heard her father had died, she had unfinished business to carry out. Having felt unloved by him for years, she wanted one last chance to earn his approval – simply by going to his sparsely-attended funeral in his favourite church in Dublin.
Now, almost 30 years later, her need to attend the funeral of the man who had abused her and her two sisters for several years is complex. His actions towards her and her sisters June and Joyce have taken years to comprehend, along with his failure to acknowledge the damage and pain he inflicted on them.
Kevin Kavanagh was convicted in 1990 for sexually abusing her and her two sisters, Joyce and June, for several years. The then 69-year-old dad of 10 children was sentenced to seven years in prison and served five. He died in 1996.
The last time Paula saw her father was at the court case in 1990 but she went to his funeral, an act she describes as something she did to seek approval from him even after his death. Although some of his 10 children attended the funeral, June and Joyce opted not to attend.
The Kavanagh sisters with their father Kevin. He was convicted in 1990 for sexually abusing them for several years. Photo supplied by family
Paula recalled: 'On the day, I really thought I was going to get closure and I didn't realise really that I was looking for him to approve of me. I wanted him to see that I was at his funeral and that he should have loved me all along. Even when he was dead.'
But she says she never got an apology or an acceptance from him that what he had put her through was wrong, adding: 'He went to his grave never understanding the damage he had done.'
'He was extremely creative, in lots of ways he was a genius, and that is what people need to understand – that just because somebody is doing something really horrific, the reason why they get to hide in plain sight is because a lot of them are really proficient, a lot of them are really community-oriented.'
Paula, June and Joyce, who grew up in Ballyfermot in Dublin, have published an audiobook called The Grip of Childhood Sexual Abuse, in which they share their insights on navigating life as survivors.
Paula, who edited the audiobook, said the sisters are connected with organisations including the Rape Crisis Network, Onein4, and PACE, an organisation which works with offenders after they leave prison.
She said: 'They are absolutely brilliant. They have a track record in proving that they can actually help offenders not offend. They can help sex offenders.
If you don't start working with offenders, you are wasting your time working with victims. We have learned, only by going through the process, that you are absolutely wasting everybody's time if you don't go to the source.
"When you look at what's happening today with the young people online, porn, accessing really bad material – if there's a young fella sitting at home tonight and he thinks he is attracted to a young person, a child, where does he go with that? What do you tell him, if that's your son?
"If you tell him that he is nothing more than a scumbag, that he is the worst thing that ever walked the planet and there is no helping him, then what is he going to do with those feelings, only act on them.
'If you intervene and give him some help and support and given him somewhere to go that isn't just shame-based, you have a chance of not having this continue.
'This is about approaching it from every angle – you can't only deal with victims, you have to deal with perpetrators. The only way you are going to be able to allow people who are thinking of abusing or have abused to get support and help is if you educate people about the benefits of that.'
Paula also believes calling abusers words like 'monsters' does not help address the issue as it takes away the human aspect of such people. She stresses that it is important to remember that abusers are human beings, just as their victims are.
'People need to realise that people who hurt other people are still only human. Their behaviour is the issue and their thought patterns are the issue and they are fixable things with the right help.'
However, Paula believes her father could not have been helped as she believes he was a paedophile who had multiple victims.
She explained that the reason she and her sisters reported him to gardaí was 'because he was still active' – they had been made aware of concerns about the safety of a young female relative, and they found that the only way they could ensure the safety of others was by reporting their abuse.
In the 10-hour audiobook, one of the sisters recalled him referring to his abuse of her as his vice which he compared to her 'vice' of smoking.
The Grip of Childhood Sexual Abuse.
The sisters also recalled in their audiobook how medical personnel and priests had failed to protect them despite knowing about his abuse of his three daughters, which occurred from their early childhood into their late teenage years.
Paula believes that the sisters' work on their previous two books and the current audiobook have helped her to heal.
The sisters previously published Click, Click and Why Go Back, about their experiences. Their latest work has been dedicated to their mother, who died in October 2011.
The audiobook includes a chapter about her last days, during which Paula, June, and Joyce tried to assure their sleeping mother that they never held her responsible for their father's actions towards them.
June, Joyce, and Paula Kavanagh never got an apology or an acceptance from their father.
However, in a subsequent analysis of her last days, Paula said that she actually did hold resentment towards her and that it took a year for her to get to a point where she could grieve for her.
The dedication described her as one 'of the bravest and strongest woman we knew' adding that her strength was in 'her silence and endurance of a life filled with pain and suffering'.
It adds: 'Sadly, she never knew she wasn't alone in the world, that is filled with millions of other mothers that are coerced into a life of servitude, loneliness and ownership of a crime that was never theirs.'
The 24/7 National Rape Crisis Helpline can be contacted on 1800 778888.
- If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, please click here for a list of support services.
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