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Black America Web
23-05-2025
- General
- Black America Web
White Folks Gave Us ‘Black Fatigue,' Now They're Trying to Steal That Too
Source: RgStudio / Getty Deep, ancestral sigh. First, they said they 'don't see race.' Then came the 'reverse racism' crowd. Then 'white lives matter.' Then 'stop playing the race card,' 'DEI is divisive,' and 'Black people are the real racists keeping us divided.' And now, because white fragility is a snowflake-infused renewable energy source, the descendants of Europe's criminals and failures, colonizers, enslavers, and segregationists have taken to TikTok and other social media platforms to announce that they have come down with a collective case of—wait for it … 'Black fatigue.' Don't squint. Your face might get stuck like that. Yes, chile, the very people who've spent whole centuries exhausting the hell out of Black bodies, minds, and spirits now claim they're so tired of us . And yet, they're so intellectually bankrupt that to explain their so-called exhaustion, they had to steal the very language we created to describe surviving them . The term Black fatigue was originally coined by Mary-Frances Winters in her 2020 book, where she describes how structural racism takes a relentless toll on Black lives every day. But apparently, witnessing free Black people exist unbothered, unbowed, and at full volume near the seasoning aisle is just too much for the fragile spirit of white America. The controversy was ignited by a white TikToker who posted a now deleted viral video ranting that white people are absolutely fed up with Black folks' 'ghetto ratchet behavior,' entitlement, victimhood, acting 'animalistic,' fighting or dancing in public, being loud in Walmart while surrounded by a bunch of misbehaving kids, blaming slavery for our current problems, and supporting fundraising campaigns for Karmelo Anthony, Rodney Hinton, Jr. and his murdered son. (Feel free to click those links and donate to prove her point.) Since then, TikTok has exploded with videos from creators clarifying what Black fatigue really means. Meanwhile, other racist users have shared their own anecdotal stories about encounters with insufferable Black people. These videos have ignited a broader conversation about cultural appropriation and white people's irksome habit of colonizing the language of oppression to re-center themselves as victims in conversations about race, power, and oppression. The Root , Daily Kos , and BIN New s have all published solid think pieces calling out the harms of white folks misappropriating the language of Black suffering. But I'm not interested in playing DEI doula by correcting or educating racists who are fully committed to their epigenetic foolishness. That would not be a good use of my time. Be clear, this latest TikTok trend is not new. In fact, it is the continuation of a long heritage of cultural parasitism, narrative theft, and inversion of victimhood that has been a core feature of white grievance politics ever since the first colonizers showed up empty-handed and thanked the gracious Indigenous people with genocide. In other words, that TikToker and all the others who've followed aren't just misusing a phrase out of ignorance or because they are misguided or tone-deaf. No, their confusion is an act of domination . What we are witnessing is ideological warfare and a sleight of hand where Black folks are being reframed as the source of white suffering. They are casting us as exhausting, aggressive, burdens, menaces, and threats to white lives. This isn't just rhetorical lynching cloaked in flipped language, this is a propaganda campaign where racists are rehearsing for real-world violence, just like they did to excuse everything from genocidal violence to slavery, medical neglect and displacement, and segregation to mass incarceration. History has shown us that when enough racist people are primed to believe that a marginalized group is the problem, lethal violence isn't far behind. Social media platforms, especially TikTok, X, and Facebook, have become fertile ground for this kind of racist rot. These platforms aren't just passive hosts; they provide the algorithmic fertilizer that helps racism trend and monetize. And ever since Donald Trump crawled back into the White House on a red wave of delusion, gerrymandering, and grievance, white folks have felt emboldened to storm digital spaces with racial slurs, dog whistles, memes, and performative victimhood under the guise of free speech. They're not just trolling us. This is coordinated narrative warfare we're seeing on social media platforms is part of a full-scale cultural offensive against Black folks and other marginalized communities. It's a war on memory, language, education, and truth. And this white panic is all connected to the rollback of DEI programs, the whitewashing of textbooks, the attacks on public education, the government-sanctioned pity for white South African 'refugees', and the public mourning of a burned-down plantation. There's a deep psychosis at play. Whiteness is an identity that constantly demands emotional resources from the people it oppresses. It needs attention and validation from the very people it claims to hate. These white TikTokers didn't steal 'Black fatigue' because they like the phrase. They jacked it because deep down they envy our ability to name pain and they want access to the moral architecture of our suffering, grief, resilience, and survival. But they want all of that stripped of its original context and truth and recast in service to their own imagined victimization by immigrants, Black folks, LGBTQ+ folks, 'the libs,' globalization, and their own low birth rates. In their fragile minds, Black visibility is a prelude to white erasure, be it a statue of a Black woman in Times Square or HBCU students flexing at graduation. Let's just call it white fragility weaponized through cultural and linguistic mimicry. What's especially weird is that they're so tired of Black people, but they can't seem to stop orbiting us. Because most white people in America don't have Black friends or casual Black acquaintances they talk to regularly, they're obsessed with monitoring, mocking, and mimicking us on social media platforms. Parasocial engagement on social media lets them lurk, leech, and spew racist filth from the safety of their echo chambers. So 'Black fatigue' isn't coming from white folks' real-life interactions with us or their overexposure to blackness. It's coming from their compulsive digital orbiting around us, their addictive consumption of our culture, language, humor, style, trauma, and our joy. It's not fatigue from us , it's fatigue from being shut out of the intimacy, brilliance, and community we've built without them. These racists are tired of watching Black people staying hydrated, minding our business, caring for each other, and not centering whiteness. This is the resistance and the existential threat. And because whiteness under Trump can't stand being decentered or not being the protagonist, it must steal the story and repackage their discomfort and envy as weariness. SEE ALSO: America Welcomes Afrikaner 'Refugees' to Rescue Whiteness The Supreme Court: A True Maestro Of Regression SEE ALSO White Folks Gave Us 'Black Fatigue,' Now They're Trying to Steal That Too was originally published on Black America Web Featured Video CLOSE
USA Today
06-02-2025
- USA Today
Is it important for couples to travel together? Yes, and here's why
Grow your connection through adventure, communication, and fun Taking time out to travel as a couple is key to a happy relationship — Photo courtesy of courtneyk / E+ Advertisement Ask any relationship expert what couples who stay together do together, and you'll undoubtedly find a Mad Libs-esque variety of responses. After all, the secret to a long, healthy relationship can be as diverse as the couples themselves. However, traveling as a couple can illuminate opportunities for improvement in a relationship and strengthen existing bonds. Recent research suggests that couples who travel together can experience greater romantic and physical intimacy and higher satisfaction with their relationship. For both new and seasoned couples, it's easy to imagine how the stress of travel can compound the everyday stresses of a relationship. As a travel journalist, I've had more than my fair share of experiences of both good and lousy couple's trips. To learn how to plan a successful couple's travel itinerary, we spoke to relationship experts about why traveling can be good for couples and the best places to travel together. Break out of the mundane Couples traveling together can grow their relationship with new experiences — Photo courtesy of RgStudio / E+ It's important to be intentional about doing something different when traveling. 'Couples must step outside the familiar routines of daily life and immerse yourselves in new experiences,' says marriage and family therapist Eden Garcia-Balis. 'This shared adventure fosters teamwork as you navigate unfamiliar environments, plan logistics, and overcome challenges together.' But only if you give your trip the chance to let you do so, she adds. Changing locations to do the same things isn't enough to help your relationship grow. 'Stepping away from your usual schedules and daily distractions allows you to focus on each other,' explains licensed marriage and family therapist Michelle King Rayfield. "Without work emails, household chores, or other responsibilities pulling your attention away, you can have meaningful conversations, laugh at silly moments, and be together in a way that's often hard to do at home.' You can visit Napa Valley, hike the White Mountains in New Hampshire, take an adventure tour or expedition cruise, or visit an aerial park for some high-flying, adrenaline-pumping fun. The point is to take some time to break habits. Plan an itinerary together Doing things as a couple while traveling builds connection — Photo courtesy of Delmaine Donson / E+ Even if one member of the relationship tends to be more of the planner than the other (guilty), it's essential to plan an itinerary in which both travelers have buy-in. My partner and I discovered this the hard way on a multi-day trek through the Riviera Maya. Whereas my idea of fun was hiking the ruins of Tulum, my partner had grand plans of luxuriating on the beach. While disaster didn't quite ensue, it wasn't a recipe for the smoothest trip. 'Having a solid itinerary mutually agreed upon before the trip can decrease the opportunity for conflicts over how to spend the vacation time,' says Dr. Sarah Hensley, founder of The Dating Decoder. 'It's important to make sure that each person has an opportunity to enjoy the trip." Had we planned a joint itinerary, we could have stayed at a hotel like Nômade Holbox, an adults-only beachfront property along the north coast of the Yucatan Peninsula. The hotel offers plenty of wellness programming for couples to maintain healthy relationships, and its setting in one of Mexico's nature reserves (Yum Balam Nature Reserve) would have made it easy for me to hike and for my partner to beach bum for a few days. Don't be afraid to stray from that itinerary Compromise for couples traveling can be as easy as a hike to a beach on Holbox island — Photo courtesy of LUNAMARINA / iStock Via Getty Images Flexibility is key to a couple's vacation and a healthy relationship. 'Everyone knows that sometimes hiccups happen during travel. Flights get delayed, cars break down, etc., which can interrupt our plans,' says Hensley. 'These hiccups can allow couples to work through stressful events that are non-relationship oriented, which can strengthen their conflict resolution skills.' So, instead of starting a fight over where to have lunch or whose fault a missed plane or train might be, it's critical to work as a team to overcome the immediate challenge and have fun. In the case of our Riviera Maya trip, that meant a hike not to Mayan ruins but to a secluded beach that, while not initially in the day's plan, resulted in one of the highlights of our vacation. For folks who want many options, consider booking a hotel with plenty of on-site activities. Talk to each other (a lot) Prioritize couples-only time when traveling together — Photo courtesy of Calabash Cove Communication is mandatory for a successful couple's trip, especially as you learn to adapt to each other's preferences, habits, and problem-solving styles in real time. 'Travel offers plenty of moments of cooperation and mutual support that help build trust,' says Garcia-Balis. Couples who have quality shared experiences come away from trips with a more profound sense of connection and joy in their relationship. This comes about with practical, logistics-based conversations and also intimate dialogue. To help foster communication, seek out a trip that prioritizes couples-only time. St. Lucia is often considered a romantic destination because of its secluded resorts, beautiful beaches, and stunning natural flora. Check out adults-only resorts like Calabash Cove Resort & Spa, with just 26 private villas, or Sugar Beach, with ultra-private guest rooms. Both provide the perfect backdrop for couples looking to drown out the noise of the day-to-day. Get a new perspective Finding out something new about your partner is what traveling together is all about — Photo courtesy of Lulu Chang 'Travel gives you a fresh perspective on your partner,' says Rayfield. 'You can see how they handle stress, adapt to surprises, or dive into new experiences. And when you try something new together, whether tasting an unfamiliar dish or watching a sunrise in a new city, it adds a spark of excitement and connection that's hard to replicate in daily life.' Sometimes, it's enough to see your loved one doing something new. On a recent trip to the Blue Ridge Mountains, I booked a horseback riding session for me and my partner, convinced that it would be his first equine adventure. To my surprise, he was far from a novice, having ridden several times as a child and even as a young adult. Discovering this new factoid about him — even years into our relationship — sparked a new sense of joy and wonder, which Garcia-Balis says is key to relationship longevity. 'Travel can help reignite feelings of novelty and spontaneity in the relationship and allow couples to rediscover each other in a fresh context,' she adds. Take some alone time Hotels that offer personalized experiences encourage solo time, too — Photo courtesy of The Doyle Collection Of course, as much as you should strive to spend quality time with your loved one, it's also important to recharge your batteries. Whether that means going for a solo stroll or finding time to read by the pool, spending every waking moment with one another is unnecessary. For instance, we love staying at The Kensington in London. Its 19th-century buildings are very romantic and close to the Natural History Museum, Science Museum, and Victoria & Albert Museum, all ideal for solo exploration. Places like Paradero Todos Santos in Baja California encourage introspection and connection with offerings like meditation, hiking, and yoga. Here, you can reconnect with yourself before heading to a Michelin-starred dinner to reconnect with your partner. Don't set lofty expectations Sometimes a quick getaway is all it takes to reconnect — Photo courtesy of Salamander DC Planning a luxury vacation of a lifetime can be fun. But sometimes, experts say that the best ways to travel as a couple are the simplest ones. 'Traveling together doesn't have to mean expensive vacations or far-off destinations,' says Rayfield. 'Even a simple weekend road trip, a quiet getaway to a nearby town, or just a day exploring somewhere new can give you those same opportunities to connect. It's not about how far you go; it's about being intentional with your time and creating memories together.' Consider an overnight stay at a hotel in your hometown, just to mix it up. For us in D.C., that means heading to the Salamander DC, or if we're feeling up to a road trip, the Salamander Middleburg. Both properties are convenient and familiar, yet they feel a world away, offering relaxation and reconnection. 'The goal is about coming back with a stronger bond, new stories to tell, and a reminder of why you chose each other in the first place," Rayfield says.
