3 days ago
This is what a karmic relationship is — how to tell if you're in one, and how to get out of it
As most of us know by now, dating is complex and often filled with disappointments or false starts — but sometimes, you meet someone and find an instant connection so profound, it feels almost as if it was written in the stars.
There are lots of words bandied about in our romantic vocabularies to describe strong romantic partnerships: 'soulmate', 'twin flame', 'kindred spirit' — however, what we're going to be talking about here doesn't quite fit into these boxes. This initially blissful dynamic gives way to a chaotic cycle of tension and arguments with little resolution, but an ongoing yearning to bring that initial magic back.
Sound familiar? These types of relationships have been characterised by spiritual advisors as 'karmic relationships', identifiable by their heady and intense nature from the outset, before entering a cycle of decline that can leave those caught in the crossfire dejected and exhausted.
But what exactly is a karmic relationship, how can you know if you're in one — and how do you know when or if you should walk away?
Karmic relationships aren't a term you'll hear bandied about in scientific communities; instead, they have spiritual roots — namely, in the concept of karma that is more commonly seen in Eastern religions, such as Hinduism and Buddhism.
Karma, in its most basic iteration, is the belief of cause and effect; if you do good things, you will then have good returns. Many Eastern religions believe in reincarnation, and that the actions you take in this life will impact the next — including in relationships.
'A karmic relationship just refers to a relationship between two people who have outstanding karma from a past life. This karma can be positive or negative,' Natty Beatts, author and spiritual advisor, tells Cosmopolitan UK.
'For example, say two people had a romantic relationship in a past life that didn't work out. They may feel a strong, unexplainable draw to each other when they reconnect in this life due to unfinished business.'
The difficulties that stem from karmic relationships, according to some in the spiritual community, are actually a form of guidance.
'A power greater than ourselves has paired you up again in this life so you can learn or finish learning an important lesson,' says Rosalind Moody, author of The Spark; Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Toxic Dating World.
'But what lesson is that? It depends what this person triggers in you, and what boundaries they make you realise you need,' continues Moody. 'Is it a mother who'll never see you as you want her to, or a husband who's never happy for your success? A friend that always highlights your insecurities, but you feel closer to them than others? Remember, karma transcends logic, so it may not make any sense as to why a certain person is your karmic partner.
'This is also different from your twin flame, which is a person that shares your soul; karmic partners have their own soul.'
Karmic relationships don't have a set time limit either, explains relationship and boundaries expert Rachel Rose: 'Some last only a short season, while others can linger for years. When most people say 'karmic relationship', what they're really referring to are deeply intense, often chaotic connections that shake your foundation.
'In astrology, this energy closely mirrors the influence of Pluto, a planet known for its transformative, life-altering force,' she continues. 'Plutonic relationships are intense, all-consuming, and often leave you changed forever. The karmic element in these cases is more about death, rebirth, and evolution meaning that your mutual meeting is because something in both of you needs awakening or releasing.'
'Karma isn't just about punishment or reward — it's about soul growth. These relationships appear to help you break cycles you've been repeating (sometimes for lifetimes), and they serve as catalysts for deep transformation. Ultimately, they exist to help you step into the next version of yourself. Without them, we can get stuck in unhealthy habits and disconnected from our truth.'
Karmic relationships are characterised by quick, immediate intimacy, which can be intoxicating — particularly at the start.
'It can feel like a powerful instant connection, where you already feel like you know that person and they are so easy to get along with, you will likely have an unusual amount of things in common which makes picking activities for dates pretty easy,' Beatts says. 'The romantic pull can be highly intense, especially if they lost each other in a past life or weren't able to make the relationship work. This can feel intoxicating and magical when you first meet.'
Karmic relationships can also be an educational experience — although, as Moody explains, you may have to undergo heartbreak before you reach that stage.
'Healing, freedom, true authenticity, living your soul purpose at last are all pros,' she says. 'Peering into your karmic relationships ultimately brings you closer to the Universe.'
When the initial spark wears off, karmic relationships can often prove troublesome.
'They can be confronting,' Moody continues. 'It can be like a very clean mirror you don't want to look into. It'll test you but if you surrender to it, you may even be able to atone for mistakes made in a previous lifetime.
'It might not be very fun, or feel very aligned. It'll feel familiar, but be devoid of true unconditional love. This person might also be addictive to you, and vice versa, and this can lead to misery, chaos, and pain.'
Karmic relationships 'can often stir up the deepest part of your psyche', Rose adds. 'Trauma can be a major theme, either resurfacing from your past or being created within the dynamic. It's not uncommon for codependency, emotional volatility, or unresolved childhood wounds to play out in these connections. Because these relationships often mirror your unhealed parts, it can feel overwhelming if you're not ready to face them. They are going to feel like a real rollercoaster for someone who isn't emotionally prepared to look within and take accountability for their patterns.
'The gift in this experience though is that the discomfort serves a purpose,' she continues. 'These relationships break illusions and force you to question what you've been tolerating. You will be forced to reassess what love means to you, what you truly deserve, and what you're still carrying from the past.'
These sort of close relationships are defined by their intensity. 'Karmic relationships usually feel fated, as if you were meant to meet this person,' Rose says. 'There's often an instant, electric connection that you can't explain, but it hits you on a soul-deep level. The bond is intense and the sexual chemistry is usually undeniable. One of the biggest signs is trauma bonding. These relationships can become emotionally volatile, with a pattern of push-pull behaviour and frequent intense arguments that leave you drained.'
She adds: 'That addictive loop is the karmic hook which basically means that if you stay with this person, the lesson hasn't been fully learned yet. Until you recognise the pattern and begin to heal it, it continues to replay.'
But, as stressed before, the temporary nature of these relationships are for people to really understand what they want from relationships — and for themselves.
'Karmic relationships typically aren't meant to last forever,' Rose says. 'They come into your life to serve a specific purpose and once that lesson has been fully integrated, the connection usually breaks apart, often abruptly.
'The break-up can feel soul-crushing because it's so sudden, and you feel like you're losing a part of yourself. The reality, however, is that what you're losing is in fact an old version of yourself that no longer serves you.'
If you're spiritually minded, the concept of a karmic relationship may make sense, but if you find yourself a little more grounded in reality, some elements may ring alarm bells.
Kate Daly, relationship expert and co-founder of online divorce services company amicable, believes that while the concept of karmic relationships may not be grounded in science, the feelings that impact people in intense relationships are still valid.
'I don't see [karmic relationships] as literal connections from past lives, but I do recognise they can reflect a powerful emotional reality,' she tells Cosmopolitan UK. 'People often use the term to describe intense, repeating patterns in relationships — what psychology might frame as unresolved trauma, attachment issues, unconscious projections, or unmet emotional needs.'
'The first throes of any new relationship can be heady and intense, so in early relationship stages it is usual to feel the intensity of connection, and it's not necessarily a red flag. As the relationship develops, it's important to step back and recognise the difference between intensity and intimacy.'
The sudden deep feelings, and the cyclical nature of the arguments, bear some semblance to more toxic or troubling traits, such as love bombing. If you ever feel you, or a friend, may be in danger, it is always best to seek professional help.
There are also ways to try and get some perspective if you're looking to leave a relationship that may not seem healthy; however, Daly admits this is not always easy, particularly if feelings are intense.
'It's important to lean on people you trust,' she says. 'Karmic dynamics often isolate you — emotionally or socially. Reconnecting with people who see you clearly and care about your wellbeing gives you perspective, emotional validation, and grounding outside the relationship. Choose people who support your growth, not just your comfort.
'[Unhealthy] relationships often trigger deep-rooted issues — attachment wounds, self-worth, trauma. Speaking to a professional or joining a support group can help you unpack the emotional patterns at play and avoid repeating them. Look for groups focused on co-dependency.'
Time alone is also vitally important, Daly adds: 'These relationships often operate in cycles — conflict, reconciliation, repeat. Distance disrupts the cycle and helps break the addictive pull. It gives your nervous system a chance to regulate. Block or mute them if needed. This isn't cruel — it's protective.'
'Solitude gives you space to reconnect with your identity, values, and needs — without the emotional noise of someone else's drama. Focus on journaling, meditative walks, or any solo activity that brings you peace.'
If you're worried you're in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, you can contact Woman's Aid using their live chat feature.
Kimberley Bond is a Multiplatform Writer for Harper's Bazaar, focusing on the arts, culture, careers and lifestyle. She previously worked as a Features Writer for Cosmopolitan UK, and has bylines at The Telegraph, The Independent and British Vogue among countless others.
