24-05-2025
Why saying ‘sorry' could be the healthiest thing you do for your family and yourself?
Have you ever found yourself
over-explaining in arguments
, feeling anxious until a disagreement is fully resolved, or desperately needing closure—even in the smallest of conflicts? If so, your childhood might hold the answers. Particularly, whether you heard the word 'sorry' in your household growing up.
A viral TikTok by a therapist, now with over 1.3 million views, has sparked fresh conversation on the quiet damage caused by families who never apologize. The post claimed that adults who were raised in homes where no one ever said sorry tend to grow up into people who over-communicate, overthink, and remain emotionally unsettled after disagreements. While it may not be a universal truth, mental health experts agree: the absence of apologies in family dynamics can leave long-lasting emotional scars.
The Silent Cost of Never Saying Sorry
A report from
USA Today
noted that in homes where apologies are rare or non-existent, the message children often internalize is that making mistakes, or worse, admitting them, is not acceptable. 'When families don't apologize, it often means there's an environment of emotional invalidation and ingrained beliefs about perfection,' explains Dr. Regine Galanti, a clinical psychologist. Over time, this can morph into deep-seated anxiety and self-doubt, where individuals begin to fear vulnerability and conflict alike.
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Clinical social worker Cecille Ahrens elaborates, saying that emotional neglect—like being dismissed or ignored after a conflict—can lead people to develop anxious or insecure attachment styles. These attachment issues may linger into adulthood, shaping how individuals engage in relationships, set boundaries, or deal with confrontation. Simply put, never hearing 'I'm sorry' as a child may leave a person unable to trust that emotional repair is possible.
The Rupture and Repair Model
In healthy relationships, conflict is inevitable. But equally important is the act of repair. 'Relationships go through a cycle of rupture and repair,' says psychotherapist Amy Morin, author of
13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do
. 'Apologies are a critical part of the repair process.' When conflict goes unresolved—when no one apologizes—it deprives people of the chance to heal, to feel seen, and to move forward.
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Without that healing, unresolved feelings can fester. Galanti warns that internalizing the belief that mistakes must be hidden or that emotions are unimportant can increase one's risk for anxiety or depression. These emotional patterns can stay buried for years, only surfacing in the form of persistent self-blame, difficulty in relationships, or even a fear of close emotional connection.
Healing Starts With Awareness
The first step toward healing is recognizing the pattern. If you grew up in a family where apologies were taboo, it's crucial to understand how that experience still influences your emotional landscape today. Seeking therapy can be an effective way to untangle these knots of the past and replace them with healthier communication habits.
Mental health professionals also suggest developing self-care strategies when interacting with emotionally challenging family members. This could mean stepping away from triggering conversations, leaning on trusted friends, or simply taking a few deep breaths to re-center yourself.
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The first step toward healing is recognizing the pattern. If you grew up in a family where apologies were taboo, it's crucial to understand how that experience still influences your emotional landscape today.
The Power of a Simple Apology
At its core, the word 'sorry' is about more than guilt—it's about connection, humility, and healing. Apologizing doesn't make us weak; it makes us human. And in families, especially, where the roots of love and conflict run deep, the act of acknowledging a mistake can be the first step toward rebuilding trust.
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So the next time you're tempted to let a disagreement fade into silence, ask yourself: what would it mean to say sorry? It might just be the healthiest thing you can do—for yourself and for the people you love.
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