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Dear Jessie J, don't fear the cancer rage it's only natural after shock diagnosis – I know because it floored me too
Dear Jessie J, don't fear the cancer rage it's only natural after shock diagnosis – I know because it floored me too

The Sun

time6 days ago

  • Entertainment
  • The Sun

Dear Jessie J, don't fear the cancer rage it's only natural after shock diagnosis – I know because it floored me too

SUN Agony Aunt Sally Land, who also had breast cancer, writes an open letter to Jessie J after the pop star's shock diagnosis. DEAR JESSIE: MY heart went out to you as I read about your breast cancer diagnosis and plea for a hug. 8 You shared that you will undergo surgery within days, and while this is the rawest of times — a 'rage stage', even — as a fellow member of the club none of us wanted to join, I can reassure you that this time of huge uncertainties will pass. You will be feeling all the possible emotions stacked one upon the other: Relief, hope, guilt, agonising fear and a fury like no other you have ever experienced. The relief comes from being thankful the cancer has been detected. The hope — that the surgery will remove all cancerous cells. The guilt isn't logical, but ever- present nonetheless, that you somehow didn't know before there was something wrong. The agonising fear stalks you, occupying your mind with what might happen to your children if the worse case scenario becomes reality. And then there is the rage. It's a visceral anger that this is happening to you. And there is no reasoning with this rage, because of course why not you, me, or any of the other 56,820 women who are diagnosed with breast cancer in the UK every year? This anger is about having to go under the knife, fear of surgery, resentment that your breasts, a part of your body so synonymous with being a woman, are about to be cut and changed for ever. Your news threw me back to this time last year when I was waiting for my own major breast cancer surgery. Sociable and friendly by nature, I spent the weeks before my surgery pacing angrily alone. Friends, family and colleagues were amazing, but I couldn't break out of my simmering fury. A long weekend at the coast passed in a surreal blur, and while my family played cricket on the beach, I'd take myself and my black mood off for long walks. Often the only companion I could cope with was Coco, my scruffy labradoodle. It's a weird feeling carrying something around within you that you know is potentially lethal, and your conscious thoughts are so often all consumed on that small pin point. You desperately want it out and yet dread the surgery. Shopping for post-surgery bras was a real low point. Normally drawn to bright and bold matching sets, I stared miserably at the monotone post-surgery bras, tears running down my cheeks in the middle of M&S. 8 8 This was not a section of the women's lingerie I had ever wanted to visit. The only offerings were unapologetically ugly 'bolder holders', but over the next few months I came to appreciate their soft texture and velcro fastenings. I applaud your honesty at this early stage of diagnosis. It took me months to open up about the experience and I'm so glad I did. So many women and men have contacted me privately to share their own experiences of cancer. And some followed up symptoms that they admitted they would otherwise have ignored. Your willingness to be open will help so many and keep life-saving cancer awareness high. Disconcertingly, one in five patients wait longer than three months before sharing their symptoms with their GP. So just think how much better survival rates would be if people sought help earlier. My surgeon advised me to tell my children about my diagnosis because, as he said, 'Children hear more than you think and know when you are keeping secrets from them.' He told me that I had a long path ahead and if my children didn't feel they could trust what I was telling them, it would make the whole process a lot harder. His words echoed in my head when a couple of hours later I put my youngest to bed. As I tucked him in, he looked straight in my eyes and said, 'Mummy, are you OK? I feel like you're hiding something.' I knew then, we'd tell them the next day. The memory of seeing their faces crumple still floors me. My surgeon was right — while there were plenty of nerve-wracking hurdles from that point on, and I know they were scared, at least they knew they could trust us. Your son is still very young, so will have limited understanding of your diagnosis. But you will find an age-appropriate way to communicate that 'Mummy is poorly and the doctors are helping her get better'. Especially post-surgery, the sight of tubes, dressings, drains and tentative cuddles take some explaining. Macmillan ( has a brilliant section on how to talk to children and teens about cancer. While my rage and fear consumed me right up until the point when I went under general anaesthetic, the moment I came round from surgery and immediately inspected myself, a huge wave of relief swept over me. My surgeon, Mr Richard Sutton, the Clinical Director for the Breast Unit at the RUH in Bath, did an absolutely brilliant job. Like many breast cancer surgeons he is trained both in tumour removal, reconstructive surgery and oncoplastic surgery, which improves cosmetic outcomes. That means while the surgery is fully focused on giving you the best outcome healthwise, your surgical team does everything they can to give you the best aesthetic results. I'm sure you will be in very good hands and I'm wishing you the hugest wave of relief. So deep breaths, Jessie. You're going through the mill, but the love of all who surround you will carry you through. And I'm sending you the hugest hug. With love, Sally If anything is playing on your mind and you want advice, you can write to me and my team of trained counsellors for a personal response at deardeidre@ 8 8 JESSIE'S HEALTH BATTLES THIS isn't the first time Jessie J has faced a major health scare. From a heart condition, to a minor stroke and now breast cancer, here are some of the conditions she has faced. . . Jessie was diagnosed with Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome aged eight. The heart condition causes an irregular heartbeat and can leave a patient feeling dizzy and short of breath. Her dad also suffers from it. At 18, she suffered a minor stroke, said to be caused by the syndrome. At a cancer gala in 2020, she told the audience: 'I thought that I was never going to get better. I feel so lucky that I was given a second chance at life.' In 2020, the singer temporarily experienced deafness due to Meniere's disease, a rare inner-ear disorder. She described it as though 'someone crawled' into her ear and 'turned on a hairdryer'. After Jessie suffered a miscarriage in 2021, she said: 'I have never experienced physical pain and trauma or felt loneliness like it.' In 2024, the star revealed she had been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Agony aunt Dear Deidre solves your raunchiest problems EVER in new After Dark column -prudes, look away now!
Agony aunt Dear Deidre solves your raunchiest problems EVER in new After Dark column -prudes, look away now!

Scottish Sun

time09-05-2025

  • Entertainment
  • Scottish Sun

Agony aunt Dear Deidre solves your raunchiest problems EVER in new After Dark column -prudes, look away now!

Keep your eyes peeled for our unmissable new column in which Britain's raciest agony aunt tackles YOUR bedroom problems DEIDRE AFTER DARK Agony aunt Dear Deidre solves your raunchiest problems EVER in new After Dark column -prudes, look away now! 3 SWINGING, polyamory and love affairs which break the ultimate no doubt that Britain's bedroom antics are only getting racier. And now Britain's best agony aunt - the Sun's legendary Dear Deidre - is launching an unmissable new column. Advertisement 3 If you've got a dirty little secret that you want answers to, you've come to the right place Credit: Getty 3 From tomorrow, Dear Deidre will be able to answer your most risque problems yet... Credit: Getty Prepare to get frisky, as After Dark is set to explore the most risque problems to hit her postbag. Starting tomorrow, exclusively for Sun Club members, our team of counsellors will answer the nation's raciest questions yet. Sally Land, the Sun agony aunt behind Dear Deidre, explained: 'Britain is a million miles away from its straight-laced reputation. 'Dear Deidre has always tackled people's secrets, helping them move forward with their problems no matter how serious. Advertisement 'But there are plenty of issues that are too risque for a family news outlet and over the years there have been countless problems that we haven't been able to publish - until now. 'With Dear Deidre After Dark we take a peek at the big issues playing out in bedrooms from Carlisle to Bournemouth.' Every Saturday, the team will be sharing yet another challenging and extreme problem, looking at sexual addictions, surprising fantasies and relationship shattering revelations. So if you've been fantasising about sleeping with your girlfriend's best pal, or aren't sure how to control your kinky role play, we've got you covered. Advertisement And if your sex life is drier than ever before and you're desperate to really spice things up, prepare for the sexiest tips you've ever seen that are sure to drive your partner (or partners!) wild. Sally explains 'People write in for a variety of reasons; some because they know me and my team of counsellors will give them sound, well researched and insightful advice, others get in touch because they can't face sharing their problem with family or friends and others are simply looking for a different perspective. 'With the increasing pressure to have an exciting or adventurous sex life, many people find themselves in intensely uncomfortable situations, which makes it ever more important to explore and explain what is happening in our sexual relationships. Dear Deidre: Understanding open relationships 'In Dear Deidre After Dark we look at the raunchiest previously unpublished dilemmas.' Advertisement It comes at a time where Brits are wilder in the bedroom than ever before, with one in 25 couples have admitted to trying swinging. THE TOP FIVE SEXUAL PROBLEMS THAT WOMEN ARE ASKING The top five sexual question from women filling Dear Deidre's postbag : Should I have a threesome? Is it safe to engage in erotic asphyxiation? How quickly should I have sex when I meet someone new? Is it okay to share nudes straight away? Why does my boyfriend constantly flirt with other women and like their revealing images? With more heterosexual women confessing to fantasising about sleeping with other women and polyamory - which involves having multiple relationships - on the rise, what better time to get into the nitty gritty of what really goes on behind closed doors? Not only are one in ten of us now in a polyamours relationship, with Belfast crowned the UK 'capital of polyamory', but affairs are also up by eight per cent across the UK since the start of 2024. And that's not all, as in a recent study, one in three admitted they would dump their lover if they were a let down in bed, while last year, Durex flagged a 64 per cent rise in Brits buying sex toys to spice up things in the sheets. Advertisement Sun expert Sally also explained: 'From sex parties, kinks, open relationships, and porn addiction becoming commonplace, true Britannia is a million miles away from its straight-laced reputation. In Dear Deidre After Dark we look at the raunchiest previously unpublished dilemmas Sally Land 'We are more sexually open minded, more adventurous and the wide availability of porn is pushing the boundaries of sexual relations." So if you've got a burning desire you need answers for, scroll down to get in touch with our expert counsellors. Every query will get a personal reply from one of our team of counsellors within just one working day. Advertisement Dear Deidre always keeps our readers' identities confidential. Unlock even more award-winning articles with The Sun's brand new membership programme - Sun Club

Agony aunt Dear Deidre solves your raunchiest problems EVER in new After Dark column -prudes, look away now!
Agony aunt Dear Deidre solves your raunchiest problems EVER in new After Dark column -prudes, look away now!

The Irish Sun

time09-05-2025

  • Entertainment
  • The Irish Sun

Agony aunt Dear Deidre solves your raunchiest problems EVER in new After Dark column -prudes, look away now!

3 SWINGING, polyamory and affairs with the no doubt that Britain's bedroom antics are only getting racier. And now Britain's best agony aunt - the Sun's legendary Dear Deidre - is launching an unmissable new column. Advertisement 3 If you've got a dirty little secret that you want answers to, you've come to the right place Credit: Getty 3 From tomorrow, Dear Deidre will be able to answer your most risque problems yet... Credit: Getty Prepare to get frisky, as After Dark is set to explore the most risque problems to hit her postbag. Starting tomorrow, exclusively for Sun Club members, our team of counsellors will answer the nation's raciest questions yet. Sally Land, the Sun agony aunt behind Dear Deidre, explained: 'Britain is a million miles away from its straight-laced reputation. 'Dear Deidre has always tackled people's secrets, helping them move forward with their problems no matter how serious. Advertisement Read more on Dear Deidre 'But there are plenty of issues that are too risque for a family news outlet and over the years there have been countless problems that we haven't been able to publish - until now. 'With Dear Deidre After Dark we take a peek at the big issues playing out in bedrooms from Carlisle to Bournemouth.' Every Saturday, the team will be sharing yet another challenging and extreme problem, looking at sexual addictions, surprising fantasies and relationship shattering revelations. So if you've been fantasising about Advertisement Most read in The Sun Latest And if your sex life is drier than ever before and you're desperate to really spice things up, prepare for the sexiest tips you've ever seen that are sure to drive your partner (or partners!) wild. Sally explains 'People write in for a variety of reasons; some because they know me and my team of counsellors will give them sound, well researched and insightful advice, others get in touch because they can't face sharing their problem with family or friends and others are simply looking for a different perspective. 'With the increasing pressure to have an exciting or adventurous sex life, many people find themselves in intensely uncomfortable situations, which makes it ever more important to explore and explain what is happening in our sexual relationships. Dear Deidre: Understanding open relationships 'In Dear Deidre After Dark we look at the raunchiest previously unpublished dilemmas.' Advertisement It comes at a time where Brits are wilder in the bedroom than ever before, with one in 25 couples have admitted to trying swinging. THE TOP FIVE SEXUAL PROBLEMS THAT WOMEN ARE ASKING The top five sexual question from women filling Dear Deidre's postbag : Should I have a threesome? Is it safe to engage in erotic asphyxiation? How quickly should I have sex when I meet someone new? Is it okay to share nudes straight away? Why does my boyfriend constantly flirt with other women and like their revealing images? With more Not only are And that's not all, as in a recent study, one in three admitted they would dump their lover if they were a let down in bed, while last year, Advertisement Sun expert Sally also explained: 'From sex parties, kinks, open relationships, and porn addiction becoming commonplace, true Britannia is a million miles away from its straight-laced reputation. In Dear Deidre After Dark we look at the raunchiest previously unpublished dilemmas Sally Land 'We are more sexually open minded, more adventurous and the wide availability of porn is pushing the boundaries of sexual relations." So if you've got a burning desire you need answers for, scroll down to get in touch with our expert counsellors. Every query will get a personal reply from one of our team of counsellors within just one working day. Advertisement Dear Deidre always keeps our readers' identities confidential. Unlock even more award-winning articles with The Sun's brand new membership programme - Sun Club DEAR DEDIRE'S FREE COUNSELLING Dear Deidre's unique service provides free counselling to anyone who writes into our trained therapists. We reply to every single request within one working day, offering support, insight, practical advice and signposting other useful agencies. Our counsellors often stay in contact with users for weeks or months at a time. We never reveal the identities of letter writers and change details to protect people's privacy. And all this at a time when the average rate of counselling per session starts at £40 and goes up to £80. So if something is bothering you, email me and my team of counsellors on

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