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Metropolis Japan

Life as a Married Gay Couple in Japan

Credit: Seigo and Bren An international relationship comes with its own set of challenges. Beyond cultural differences, when a married couple is made up of people of different nationalities legal issues can also come into the picture. This is something Seigo and Bren know well. The Japanese/American couple decided to move to the U.S., Bren's home country, in order to be able to tie the knot, due to Japan's refusal to legalize same-sex marriage. After over five years on American soil, a life they documented in their Japanese-language YouTube channel, Seigo and Bren moved back to Japan in 2023. They continue to create content in order to normalize gay relationships by sharing slice-of-life videos with their growing audience. To learn more about life as a married gay couple in Japan, Metropolis sat down with Seigo & Bren. Seigo & Bren: We met on a Japanese gay dating app (which no longer exists) in 2015, and pretty much started dating the first time we met. We moved to the U.S. in 2017, and we didn't have many friends in the area we lived in, so we needed something fun to do together. We were good friends with another international couple who did YouTube videos, and we thought we'd give it a shot. We also saw a need for more real-life LGBTQ content in Japanese, and wanted to show how although we are a same-sex couple, we are also just your average couple doing the usual things every other couple does. S&B: In our case, making videos together often gives us opportunities to go out and do different things, and go to different places for content creation, which always feels like a date. One disadvantage could be when you have different ideas or opinions about how you want a certain project to go, you sometimes have to compromise or learn to let some things go. S&B: This is a very complicated question because it really depends on where you live in the U.S.. There are areas that are generally accepting, and areas that are not. There are good people everywhere, but I think location really plays a big part in this. Unfortunately, most places that are considered safe for gay couples are in bigger cities, which are also very expensive places to live. We would say that in 2025, Japan feels much safer. We don't have to worry about getting attacked in public in Tokyo or anywhere we go, whether verbally or physically, as we sometimes worried about in the U.S.. We've had homophobic slurs yelled at us while walking down the street in the U.S., for example. The culture in Japan is very non-confrontational, so it's hard to imagine something like this ever happening. And we've never had a bad experience after coming out to a Japanese person. The U.S. has the advantage of same-sex marriage, which unfortunately Japan does not (yet). But in times like this, even that doesn't feel granted in the future. Aside from equal marriage not being allowed, in our experience, the problems couples face in Japan are more or less inconveniences, compared to the sense of danger often felt by gay international couples in the U.S.. Japan feels very peaceful. Credit: MEADOW S&B: Our marriage is recognized by people in Japan, meaning that when we tell people that we're married, they accept it and treat us normally. But of course our marriage is not recognized by the government, so there are some challenges there. We submitted our marriage certificate when we applied for the Tokyo Partnership Program, which is definitely better than nothing. We're hopeful that Japan will recognize equal marriage in the future. Read our article on gay marriage in Japan for more information about the legalization status. S&B: With us being an international same-sex couple, it seems like it could be pretty difficult to have kids for the time being. We've talked about it before, and it would be nice to have the option in the future. For now, we're enjoying spoiling our five nieces and nephews! (laughs) S&B: Couples still have difficulties with being refused housing, which is ridiculous. There are other issues too, like hospital visitation rights (although this has been improving with the partnership programs) and financial worries. Many couples choose to make a living will and testament so their partner can inherit if something happens to them. S&B: We lived in Japan about 10 years ago (before going to the U.S.), and it feels totally different now. The public is much more aware that gay people exist in society, and there is overwhelming support for same-sex marriage nowadays. In 2015, it was never talked about. Now it's on the news a few times a month, and dramas about gay couples are very popular. It's probably much better for kids in school now too, with teachers being more educated about LGBT issues. We think things are really looking up for sexual minorities in Japan. Did you enjoy reading about Seigo & Bren's life as a married gay couple in Japan? Read more LGBTQ+ stories in Japan: Trans Youth in Japan: A Documentary Highlighting Their Struggles and Triumphs Based in Japan: Back to the World of XTRA Based in Japan: Being Gay in Japan with Tokyo BTM Check out our recommendations for LGBTQ+ representation in Japanese culture: 12 Japanese LGBTQ+ Films To Watch LGBTQ+ Anime That Strive To Get It Right 9 Influential Japanese LGBTQ+ Novels to Read