04-05-2025
How's your uterus?
How's your uterus?
Women grow up with the constant worry of losing out because of their gender: some have dysmenorrhea, some endometriosis, both with pain so excruciating it makes them cry. Then there's childbirth and years of caring for a baby, a toddler, a school-goer — each stage with a different set of worries for women, who are usually primary caregivers. Then, just as life begins to settle into a pattern, menopause hits.
Through life, FOLO — the fear of losing out, mostly on paid work — is real for women. Shanti Kurupati, who works in a global software company, talks about how FOLO impacts 'women of a certain age'. Actor-presenter Mini Mathur and Lisa Ray speak about how brain fog and forgetfulness are a reality of menopause, which can result in a decrease in confidence, and consequently, less work. Just when women are growing out of caregiving, menopause asks her to take another break. Perhaps it is nature's way of saying, slow down for just a bit. The 'extra' hours at work are no longer possible — the exhaustion is real, but can't be explained to a boss or a relative.
Menarche and menstruation are now openly spoken about by both women and men, thanks to millennials and Gen Z, who broke the rules about wrapping it up in brown paper so no one could tell that a period had arrived. Boomers, forced into euphemisms, called a period 'chum', the friend who visited every month. Gen X, consumed as always by what an older and a younger generation was telling them, waited to speak. Until we began to get hot flashes. And to feel irritable. Then, we decided to talk about it.
This speaking out coincided with people beginning to vent about many things: mental health, grief, loss, so to some extent the ecosystem was ready to listen to us. Social media helped. Many men, however, don't know what to do with this 'new' information.
Last year I told two male friends that I was peri-menopausing. When I said to one that I was exhausted despite my bloodwork being ok, he told me to eat more seasonal vegetables. I told the other I was getting very hot and very cold. 'Oh, climate change,' he said, waving it away with a hand gesture. COP-29 became a code word each time I turned up or down the air-conditioning.
My young male colleagues, ready to speak about period poverty and period leave, avoided my eye when I told them I didn't remember what we had spoken about the previous day because I was perimenopausal.
So, us women in our late 40s and 50s, turn to the sisterhood who understands. We are all in it together. In the book titled What I Want, six indigenous women artists share their dreams. Warli practitioner Minakshi Vayeda, says her 'want' is the solidarity of female friendships. This, I have, and cannot be more grateful for. My sisters don't judge me when I forget words like anachronistic and redundant.
Wordsworth
Eco feminism: 'A branch of feminism that examines the connections between women and nature. Its name was coined by French feminist Françoise d'Eaubonne in 1974,' according to Encyclopaedia Britannica. The philosophy and practice is based on the belief that patriarchy exploits both nature and women, while both, as reproducers, are sacred, hence interconnected. Chipko was a prominent eco feminist movement, where women, in what is now Uttarakhand, hugged trees to prevent them from being cut down. In March this year, American musician Madame Gandhi released Rise! a song that feeds into the eco feminism thought.
Toolkit
Fox 40: A pea-less whistle invented by Canadian basketball referee, Ron Foxcroft, used in some of the top sports competitions across the world. Whistles with a pea can jam or deteriorate, with Foxcroft himself being at the receiving end of a crowd of 18,000 fans who booed him when he seemingly didn't take note of a potential foul. Foxcroft had blown the whistle, but the pea in it had got stuck, silencing the sound. The Fox 40 is one of the loudest whistles in the world, and can be a safety tool for women who like to go out and 'loiter'.
Somewhere, someone said something stupid
'I am thankful you are wearing a beautiful dress today.'
Speaker Malik Muhammad Ahmad to Hina Parvez Butt in Pakistan's Provincial Assembly of Punjab
Women we meet
Aarti Malhotra, 45, an artist-educator-creator and single mother, lost her son to suicide three years ago, when he was just 16. He had allegedly been bullied and sexually assaulted for a couple of years, over his gender and sexual identity. 'My son liked the arts, and he was loving and empathetic,' says Malhotra, who has got some support from LGBTQAI+ communities. She now runs an Instagram handle @internetkimummy with a following of 500k, where she speaks to children who may be in stressful situations. 'When life breaks you, it also gives you strength to shape your pain into power,' she says. This February 23, a day before her son's death anniversary, she stood at Jantar Mantar in Delhi, with her group of supporters, asking for justice for her son. She has taken the then principal, school coordinator, and some students to court. 'This is not my fight, but a fight for every child who faces discrimination and bullying,' she says.
