17 hours ago
Too young, too female: At 25, all I want is a doctor who listens
The smell of hospital disinfectant, unsettled nerves and a sense of impatience hung in the consultation room as I sat in front of the 60-something-year-old doctor. But I was prepared to be a good patient. I had a mental list of all my symptoms and was ready to answer the 'whys' and the 'hows'.
'Fever, sore throat, body ache, excessive fatigue. Worse after…'
'Did you have a long day out recently?' The doctor cut me off, already reaching to jot down the prescription.
'Yes, we were out in the sun right at noon; it was very, very hot. It became even worse because I got my period the same day—'
'Yeah, that doesn't make a lot of difference. It is exhaustion and vitamin D deficiency,' the doctor interrupted again. 'Very common in young people, especially those who spend all day working indoors on their laptops,' he continued. He took a beat to look at my father, almost seeking approval for his diagnosis-cum-judgement on a whole generation.
The consultation at a prominent Delhi hospital's Outpatient Department lasted barely five minutes. I walked out feeling sicker, hopeless, and angry.
Medically, I was later diagnosed with a viral fever for which I ended up taking an extended antibiotic course, just because I didn't start my medication soon enough. The outcome would have likely been different had I been heard during the consultation.
A 2016 essay, published in the National Medical Journal of India, states that of all the communication strategies available to medical professionals, they are most likely to dismiss 'listening' as 'passive and weak'. The essay cites a book titled Skills for Communicating with Patients, which was first published in 1998, and explores strategies for effective doctor-patient interaction. 'Doctors have traditionally controlled the interview via closed questions that limit patients' contributions and render them more passive,' the third edition of the book (2013) notes.
At 25, I belong to a generation that expects to be heard. We seek healthcare that is collaborative, not judgmental and exclusionary. The dawn of the internet democratised knowledge, even around health and medicine, which were previously locked up in medical textbooks and journals. So, we grew up Googling our symptoms.
Many healthcare practitioners seem to view informed (younger) patients as those looking to question their authority rather than partners with a common aim. The concern isn't entirely unfounded. When bordering on self-diagnosis, an Internet search does more harm than good and can lead to wrong or improper remedies. But I wasn't trying to play doctor. I just wanted to explain my condition as clearly as possible, present all the relevant facts, for the expert to help me better. This was lost in the shotgun approach to communication.
The dismissal I faced has a name in academic circles. In 2007, Miranda Fricker first described 'epistemic injustice' or the injustice inflicted on someone 'in their capacity as a knower'. In the context of healthcare, the National Institutes of Health uses this broad concept to define 'testimonial injustice'. It's when a patient explaining their experience of a certain illness is 'dismissed or under-played' by the specialist. This leads to the selection of only parts of the patient's testimonial, which the specialist considers 'useful', for diagnosis or treatment options.
When age meets gender
The communication gap deepens when you are both young and female.
My 28-year-old friend in Chennai, dealing with a persistent toothache and consequent headache, swung between various dentists and doctors, unable to understand the cause behind her problems. It took her several weeks and a gracious doctor who inquired enough to deduce that she needed a root canal.
All this could have been avoided had she been advised to get an X-ray on the first visit itself. But her symptoms remained largely unheard and, worse, dismissed. She bore the double burden of being seen as too young to understand the intricacies and too female to trust her own body.
Dr Rageshri Dhairyawan, in her 2024 book titled Unheard: The Medical Practice of Silencing, chronicles how 'not listening to patients' has been ingrained in medical science since its inception.
'All patients are silenced to some extent, but some — notably, people of Black, Asian, and minority ethnicity, women, and people who are sick or disabled — are more severely and consistently silenced than others,' Dr Dhairyawan, who is also a UK-based consultant physician, writes.
Neither my friend nor I were asked what triggered our symptoms, or the severity and the duration of the discomfort. The immediate dismissal mostly came wrapped in the language of generic concern: 'Beta, it happens in this age', 'resting well should do it', or 'you are too young to have these problems'. Variations of these phrases exist across doctors, specialists, and even cities. It's harder to challenge them when family members resort to 'doctors know best, trust them'.
While nobody would describe a visit to the doctor as inviting, these unpleasant encounters create barriers to seeking medical help. Self-doubt creeps in. Maybe the pain isn't so bad. Maybe it means nothing.
Those who listen
It takes one step from both sides to make things better. For me, the step was witnessing a balanced doctor-patient interaction.
'Tell me all that you have been feeling' — just watching another doctor sit across from my cousin and patiently ask him questions that nudged him to delve into details was reassuring and encouraging.
It emphasised how the dynamics and the experience change when doctors view listening as a clinical skill. As the 2016 essay notes: 'Through active listening that recruits the emotions as well as the intellect of the listener, the doctors could move from defensive planning to empathic understanding.'
The many doctors who already embody the art of listening genuinely ease the discomfort of hospital visits. Their conversations break free from the tired scripts where patient voices get lost between symptoms and treatment plans. These doctors remind us: even if consultation rooms still smell of disinfectant, they don't have to reek of dismissal.
Vibha B Madhava is a sub-editor at the news desk for She is interested in writing about gender, culture and politics of ableism. Having specialised in digital journalism, she is keen to explore various forms of interactive, multimedia storytelling. Apart from that, she also likes to experiment with social media.
Qualification, Degrees/other achievements: Bachelor's degree in Media and Communication from Manipal Institute of Communication, Manipal Academy of Higher Education. PG Diploma in Integrated Multimedia Journalism from Asian College of Journalism, Chennai.
With The Indian Express, this is Vibha's first stint in pursuing journalism in a full-time capacity. Previous internship experience: Deccan Herald, Bengaluru; The News Minute, Bengaluru; The Mojo Story; Radio Indigo 91.9 and Fever FM 94.3 (Hyderabad)
You can find her on Twitter as @VibhaBMadhava , on LinkedIn (Vibha B Madhava), or write to her at ... Read More
