07-05-2025
Chomps beef sticks are Slim Jims with a booster rocket
Chomps beef sticks are Slim Jims with a booster rocket
Welcome back to FTW's Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.
I love beef jerky and beef sticks. I am, however, inextricably lashed to a brain that cannot fathom paying $16 per pound on snack food, so I rarely buy jerky and beef sticks.
Chomps might change that. This addition to my snack cabinet promised Slim Jim-style beef tubes with an array of flavors that should be easy wins in a jerky setting. There's barbecue, sea salt, taco and even a couple non-beef options (venison and turkey). It's not cheap -- a 1.15-ounce stick clocks in at around $2 per if you're buying a 24-pack -- but at 100 calories and 10 grams of protein Chomps promises a healthy snack with the staying power to keep you full long enough to get you to a proper meal later in the day.
Let's see if they're worth it.
Smoky BBQ Seasoned Beef Stick: B+
Chomps are well designed; there's a marked separation between the two sides of the packaging that makes it easy to pull apart and get to your dried beef. Inside is a cylindrical slab, about the circumference of a Slim Jim and about eight inches long. It clocks in at 100 calories, but alongside 10 grams of protein.
There's a satisfying crunch when you break the thin skin of the jerky. It gives way to tender meat underneath -- not quite a medium rare steak, but not as chewy as some similar products can be. I'm not getting a ton of barbeque flavor from it, but there's a nice gentle spice that lingers throughout.
It's savory and satisfying, though gone too quickly. The blend of pepper and just a little bit of tomato help this stand out, providing a tasty mid-workout snack. The post-eating burps are, well, exactly what you'd expect after crushing a tube of seasoned beef, but I can live with it.
Mild: B
There's something about this mild stick that makes me feel like I'm eating chili in bar form. There's beef, obviously, but there's just enough salt, pepper and garlic to give off a real "winter meal" vibe. Add a little tomato puree and things would get interesting.
As is, it's totally fine if a bit boring. The minor snap of each bite is satisfying. The spices within don't dial up the heat but provide a certain sharpness. It tastes exactly like you'd expect a good beef stick to taste. And, since this is the basic model, that makes sense. Mission accomplished.
Now, here's a fun wrinkle. I have no photographic evidence of this review. A search of the Chomps website suggests "mild" is not a flavor. So what the hell did I eat? And it is possible this is my brain making a cry for help in a way I don't fully understand? Troubling!
Anyway, more beef.
Sea Salt: B
The simplicity of the flavor promises a low-key jerky experience. The first bite backs this up. There's less of a snap to each bite and little to get in the way of a big, beefy flavor.
You do get that minor seasoning, which helps each bite end on a slightly dry note. Chomps is good enough to shine with minimal help and that's what you get here. It's savory but boring, light but beefy. Personally, I'd like a little more flavor. But Chomps still comes through when things get basic.
Jalapeno: B+
I'm much more interested in jalapeno -- I'm always gonna trend toward the spicy jerky if given the chance. Like the sea salt there's less of a snap from the casing. The interior seems a bit softer than the other Chomps bars as well.
But the flavor is right where I want it to be for a beef stick. The jalapeno is muted but brings just enough heat to linger on your tongue after it has cleared your lips. It could be hotter and I wouldn't mind more pepper flavor compared to what's instead a fairly basic spice, but it works.
That lingering heat is a nice touch, helping to serve as a nice reminder you can wait a while before your next snack. Between that and the 10 grams of protein it's a nice stop halfway between lunch and dinner with a workout in between. And, of course, my dogs were *extremely interested.*
Salt and Pepper Venison: A
Living in Wisconsin has given me a proper appreciation for a good deer stick. Venison is an underrated meat, and Chomps is taking full advantage.
The first bite lacks the snap of its peers, but there's lots of savory flavor that makes up for this softer texture. The salt and pepper and handled deftly, creating a push-pull between the classic seasonings to make a simple but tasty combination. In the end, that pepper leaves just enough spice to linger on your tongue after each bite.
This creates a basic, but incredibly satisfying, deer stick. The meat is smoky and full bodied, not gamey like you may worry when you see "VENISON" on the label. While I'd like a little more snap to the casing, the texture inside is soft but not chewy. All in all, a pretty great stick.
Taco seasoned beef stick: A-
Here's something a lot less familiar. I don't think I've ever had taco jerky, even though it's a pretty easy combination to put together. Opening the package unleashes a mild current of cumin and chili powder -- not enough to stink up a car, but enough to remind you this is a Mexican-based beef stick.
That taco seasoning overpowers the stick before a little jerky tang and spice settles in late in the bite. As such, your enjoyment is going to hinge on how much you like this cumin/chili powder/pepper. I'm a fan, so this is working wonders for me. It's bringing back some fond memories of skillets of ground beef soaked in premade seasoning as a kid. Is it especially authentic? Nope! Does it taste like those at-home tacos, only without tiny cubes of Velveeta on the side? Yep!
The beef itself is firm but not chewy. The snap from the collagen casing is minimal, but the texture still holds up as a beef stick. This may be one of Chomps' more divisive flavors, but I'm on board.
Turkey: B-
Right away, the texture is different. Rather than the snap and softness of a beef stick, this is much closer to a traditional bag of jerky. It's chewier and drier.
If you didn't know beef sticks existed, you'd like it more. This is turkey's curse. On its own it's a reasonable 80 calorie snack packed with protein (12 grams). But the savory flavor that connects all Chomps' other sticks, even the venison, isn't there. There's one note here, and while that's totally fine it's also totally boring.
Still, the limited flavor is tasty and it's easily wolfed down for a healthy bite. But if you're buying the variety pack, this is gonna be the stick left at the bottom of the box nine out of 10 times. It's good enough, just not nearly as good as the rest of Chomps' flavors.
Would I (eat) it instead of a Hamm's?
This a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I'm drinking (or eating) to my baseline cheap beer. That's the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm's. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would eat Chomps beef sticks rather than drink a cold can of Hamm's?
In a perfect world I'd have both, ideally on the dock of some lake in the late afternoon. But given the option I'd go with the protein and flavor of Chomps. Even their less impressive flavors are still pretty dang good.
