08-05-2025
Indecisive? Experts Share How to Stop the Debate-A-Thon and Take Action
Coffee or tea? Break up or stay together? Look for a new job or stay put? We're constantly confronted with choices, both big and small. In fact, research shows we make a staggering 35,000 decisions every day. With so much pressure on our shoulders, it's easy to start second-guessing ourselves and feel overwhelmed with 'decision fatigue.' Here, top experts share simple, stress-taming strategies to help us make better decisions, including when to listen to our gut and how to narrow our choices to the ideal number.
Debating a big decision? For the next 24 hours, pretend you've already decided, urges Emily P. Freeman, author of The Next Right Thing: A Simple, Soulful Practice for Making Life Decisions and host of The Next Right Thing podcast. 'This mental exercise clarifies your values,' she says, recalling how it helped her decide whether to go back to graduate school. 'I let myself feel everything, from the elation of starting a new chapter to the anxiety of paying for school.' Then she flipped the script, acting as if she decided not to enroll. 'Going down this imaginary path makes your decision feel real.' Spoiler alert: She went back to school.
You've heard of FOMO, fear of missing out, but you may not be familiar with its cousin, FOBO: fear of better options. Entrepreneur Patrick J. McGinnis, author of the The 10 Percent Entrepreneur and Fear of Missing Out, who coined both terms, says the latter explains why we often have trouble making everyday decisions.
'We're drowning in choices; it's easy to become paralyzed with indecision,' he says. His fix: When you're deliberating over something minor, like what to have for dinner, just look at your watch and tell yourself: If the second hand is on the right, I'll have chicken; if it's on the left, pasta. Asking the watch, as McGinnis calls it, puts small decisions on autopilot, melting stress.
Reflect on past decisions, says Freeman. 'At the end of the week, I make a list of my life-giving yeses and nos, as well as my life-draining yeses and nos.' This ritual helped her recognize surprising patterns. 'One thing that showed up in the life-giving column was saying yes to dinner with friends. In the past, I often declined because I assumed it would be draining, but this list made me aware of how much I need my community.'
Gearing up to make a big purchase? One proven way to feel more secure in your decision is to consult an expert, be it a friend or salesperson, says psychologist and decision-making expert Ashley S. Otto, PhD. Another strategy is to look for 'social proof.' This means tapping into the wisdom of the tribe: If a certain product is nearly sold out, for example, it's likely sought after for a reason, boosting your confidence in choosing this item to buy.
Our brain can only handle about five options, what scientists call your 'consideration set,' before becoming overwhelmed, reveals psychologist Art B. Markman, PhD, author of Smart Change: Five Tools to Create New and Sustainable Habits in Yourself and Others. That's why he suggests recruiting a friend to help narrow down your choices. 'If you want to go on vacation, say, and can't decide where, ask a pal who loves traveling for her top three to five picks,' he says. 'Shrinking your consideration set helps you think calmly and rationally about decisions.
One of the biggest debates around decision-making is whether it's best to go with your gut or consult a pro-con list. Turns out, it's both! 'If you want to make a decision quickly, listen to your intuition,' says Otto, adding that this typically works best when you're facing a situation with which you have a lot of experience.
That's because intuition taps a deep reservoir of subconscious knowledge without the need for a lot of cognitive 'checks and balances,' like doing a ton of research. When you're less well-versed in a subject, however, take your time to weigh your options. In the end, you are your own wisest council.
The biggest gremlin holding us back from making big decisions is fear of being wrong, observes Freeman. 'We often dread how much we're going to beat ourselves up in the future,' she says. The antidote to such 'pre-regret' is what she calls relentless self-kindness. 'I set a timer every morning for five minutes and allow myself to sit in silence releasing negative thoughts and quieting my mind,' Freeman says. 'Small moments of self-compassion take away the 'mic' from your inner critic, boosting faith in yourself.'
'Some of the hardest choices are between two good options,' notes Freeman. 'If you're debating between going back to school or staying at your job, for instance, what's one small thing you can do today? Maybe it's gathering books from the library or speaking with a mentor. When facing a fork in the road, taking one small step is often all that's needed to build momentum.'
Spending some quality time with your pillow recharges your brain's emotional center, allowing you to think more clearly about abstract decisions that affect the future, explains Markman. And if you can't sleep on it? 'Activities that let your mind wander, such as taking a walk, are shown to give you the mental break you need to make better long-term choices, boosting both your confidence and resilience!'
More on making better decisions:
Napping Before a Big Decision Could Help You Make the Right Choice, Study Suggests
How To Know When It's Time To Quit : Experts Reveal 5 Ways to Move on + Start Fresh
Experts Share Insights on the Science Behind Decision-Making: Tips for Doing What's Best for You
