03-03-2025
Accepting imperfections in life...
There are days that seem to be like a dream, and there are days that can be choppy.
For some, the days which are smooth could be boring and at the same time, they might thrive on the choppy days because they find the days adventurous. It must be the adrenaline rush, but they find the rough day to be active and fulfilling because of the problem solving opportunities, while others can sink down under the weight of pressure. So what makes some people have all the resilience and bounce back when others tend to give up easily?
You will be surprised that this too is connected to childhood.
'Resilience is acquired throughout life, but especially during childhood,' writes Sparrks Coaching.
Emmy Werner who had done extensive research on the subject in 1955, explained that resilience is not innate, but can be learnt. This was a fresh look because earlier it had been concluded that if an individual had a tough beginning, it was almost impossible to be successful later in life. But, we have come across so many successful stories of people who had difficult childhood. Now, according to experts, there is a key factor that can make a difference. And that is relationships. Moreover, genetics also play a significant role in the shaping of resilience. It also depends on how well one's HPA axis (Hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis) is functioning. Misregulation of the stress hormone also creates a difference. Eventually, it is easy for us to understand how the miss regulation of stress hormone can also be related to mental health.
Knowing so much more than ever before, it is important for us to know the impact of our words on other people. If the objective is to communicate, that is to convey a message for another person to improve or do better, insulting them or being aggressive might have the reverse effect. So why do people say hurtful things especially at work places when actually we want the best performances from our team members? Breaking someone's self-esteem might be easy if the individual is not strong enough but what the doer doesn't realise is that they lose an important part of their team. Instead of nurturing we tend to destroy and the destruction can take a long journey of recovery.
Came across in an article on National Library of Medicine, US, an interesting definition of self-esteem and resilience. 'High self-esteem has been regarded as a protective factor for resilience, at the same time, resilience is seen as a promoting factor for self-esteem.'
Along with resilience and self-esteem is an integral element that can ease into smooth transition and that is social support. This is extremely important during adolescence. Resilience and self-esteem has another interesting cultural practice from Japan called Wabi Sabi.
Dr Jo Nash wrote about Wabi Sabi, published in Positive Psychology titled, Wadi Sabi Lifestyle: How to Accept Imperfections in Life. According to the Zen Philosophy, Wabi Sabi has seven aesthetic principles which were explained by Lomas, Etcoff, Van Gordon and Shonin in 2017. The seven aesthetic principles are simplicity, asymmetry or irregularity, the beauty of the understated, naturalness without pretension, subtle grace, freeness and tranquillity. Basically Wabi Sabi requires you to be authentic.
Dr Nash writes, 'A Wabi Sabi lifestyle prizes maturity, depth and wisdom over the vitality of youth.' So acceptance of our imperfections can make a difference in how we look at ourselves. Could acceptance lead to confidence? Looks like it, because each experience can make us stronger. This leads us to grow.
Why do we hide our flaws? We hide our flaws because we are afraid of being judged. We fear that when we are judged we might lose opportunities. But the reality is that with perseverance it is tough to lose out in life. Belief in oneself is the key.
The writer is senior editor of Observer
