a day ago
The secret memoir of .. Jacinda Ardern
THE PRESCHOOL YEARS
My childhood was happy, but I became aware that others were not so well-off. At daycare I campaigned for longer nap times. Nothing came of it.
THE PRIMARY SCHOOL YEARS
I was a sensitive child. The sight of a rainbow always made me cry. The colours were so lovely but they faded so fast. In some ways the rainbow was a metaphor for death, and confirmed that life is a vale of tears, but change is only possible if we believe in a better tomorrow and I threw myself into conducting a science project on the best ways to catch a rainbow.
Nothing came of it.
THE CABBAGE YEARS
I got an afterschool job at the Golden Kiwi takeaways in Morrinsville. My mum taught me how to wrap a cabbage in training for wrapping up fish and chips. I got very good at wrapping that cabbage. I wrapped it in newspapers, and for variety I would sometimes wrap it in pillowslips, sheets, and blankets. I got to know that cabbage well, and we bonded. It was no ordinary cabbage. I felt it was destined for great things and I suppose I saw myself in that cabbage.
I took it with me when I entered politics and for a while it took pride of place on my desk when I became Prime Minister. I would consult it for major political decisions. It was a sounding board. But it had greater significance. I thought of it as New Zealand, which I wanted to wrap in layers of kindness.
Until one day it disappeared.
The cabbage was never found.
I cannot bring myself to this day to name the person who I think took it and did goodness knows what to it.
But the publisher has insisted.
A pox on David Cunliffe.
THE INTERNATIONAL UNION OF SOCIALIST YOUTH YEARS
The publisher has insisted that I don't remember much about it.
THE KIWIBUILD YEARS
Housing minister Phil Twyford said to me one day, 'I have a dream.'
'Tell me your dream,' I said to him.
'I have a dream of building 100,000 new homes,' he said.
'That's wonderful.'
'In my dream the houses are warm and well-built,' he said.
'Do they have flowers on the windowsill in your dream?'
'Yes, I think so,' he said.
I reminded him about our conversation a few months later but he said he was busy, and legged it. I never saw him again.
THE COVID YEARS
It's not something I like to dwell on but a virus got loose and infected many, many people in the community. It was a dark time. It divided families. It was a sad sight. They tore up lawns. They tore up concrete. They set trees on fire. But there was no vaccine on Earth to cure the Stupid-19 virus which caused them to go mad.
Since then the virus has only deepened, and further deranged its feral victims. I miss New Zealand and long to go home but I don't know whether that will ever be possible.
THE AMERICAN YEARS
Everyone in America has been so nice and so welcoming. They are very open to new ideas. I have no opinion on socialism, Trump, or Gaza, but I have headed up a very important and far-reaching humanities programme at Harvard. The students are enthusiastic and Oprah has given it her blessing. Neve has enrolled, too.
I call the programme, Catch Your Rainbow.
