Latest news with #TheFeminineMystique
Daily Mirror
03-06-2025
- General
- Daily Mirror
Trad-wives are distracting you from the global shrinking of women's rights
What makes a modern woman? This debate has been doing the round since at least the 1950s. There's a myriad of ways to describe modern femininity. Having a freedom fund to escape an abusive relationship, perhaps. Or expecting the same wage for the same work as a male colleague. Safety and security issues too come to mind, not least the ability to walk alone at night without fear of harm. Each of these aspirations face outward, to society's treatment of women and call for the basic rights of living to be met: safety, security, equality. Yet a growing number of women are turning their backs on this. Instead, they are embracing conservative traditional values through TikTok's so-called "trad-wife" trend by prioritising domesticity. Cooking and cleaning are the basic components of caring for yourself and others. Pre-first wave feminism, this was what the patriarchal society envisioned for women: apron on, cooking for the family, mopping up after everybody else. All the while being demure, kind, and placid. The epitome of 'no thoughts, just vibes'. This, to my mind, is nightmare fuel and - horrifyingly - this feeling is not universal. Feminist critic Betty Friedan wrote about the particular loneliness and emptiness of the 1950s era housewife in her 1963 book, The Feminine Mystique. She called it 'the problem which has no name.' She wrote: 'Each suburban housewife struggled with it alone. As she made the beds, shopped for groceries… she was afraid to ask even of herself the silent question - 'is this all'?' Or in other words: there has to be more to life than folding laundry and serving the man of the house's desires. And there is. But the recent trad-wife trend on social media would have you believe otherwise. It would have you salivating over the idea of making a meal totally from scratch - and no cheating with a jar of sauce! In one video by popular trad-wife influencer Nara Smith (@naraazizasmith), she makes her husband a fizzy drink from its base ingredients caramel sugar and zested lemons, limes, and oranges, when he asks for a Coca Cola. The house is spotless and she is decked out in a sequin covered gown. Nara says in the video after taking a sip: 'It tasted exactly like coke.' You may wonder then: what is the point? The point is this: it fills women's time by keeping them busy in fulfilling men's desires. Somehow, this video alone has amassed 4.7million views, while her Tiktok page has 11.7million followers. According to the Greater London Authority, that is more than the population of London. The trad-wife trend keeps women from bubbling over with rage about the erosion of our rights here in the UK and across the Atlantic in the USA. Roe vs Wade was repealed in the States in 2022, while just this year the definition of a woman in the UK was ruled by the Supreme Court to be reductive and restrictive. We are living through a shrinking of women's rights. Buy the fizzy drink from your local independent shop. Concentrate on what matters: equality and liberty. However, there are many different stripes to this trend. While Nara's trad-wife image is glittering, polished, and so very modern, there is another strand which presents a rose-tinted gaze back to the post-war period. Take Alena Kate Pettitt's website The Darling Academy for example. Pettitt's brand of tradwife celebrates 'homemaking, motherhood, and vintage inspired living.' In an article on her website, Alena writes: 'In a world that glorifies career ambition and independence from men above all else, the presence of a contented housewife can challenge the deeply ingrained belief that a woman's worth is measured by her pay check, and ability to survive on her own.' This sentiment is a world away from Friedan's. As a modern feminist, there is cause for concern here. The issue is not with the individual enacting domesticity online. Each to their own. Individual right to choose is a core tenet of feminism after all. But what does it say about our current political moment when trad-wife content gains millions of views? To be clear: the trad-wife trend operates by evoking a subdued kind of womanhood that echoes with an era when women did not have equal rights. In a recent interview with author and cultural critic Sophie Gilbert about her new book Girl on Girl, we discussed this strand of the trad-wife. Gilbert describes this looking back as 'weaponised nostalgia' that 'really work[s] hard to serve men's desires.' This 'weaponised nostalgia' is a huge threat to the modern woman. It warps the realities of the past, when women were contained, silenced, and treated as second-class citizens. In response to Friedan's 'problem that has no name', 2025 calls back that the problem is now not only named, but it is trending, with millions of views under the trad-wife hashtag.
Buzz Feed
22-03-2025
- General
- Buzz Feed
I Overheard 2 Women Discuss The 'Good Old Days.' Here's The Unpleasant Truth People Seem To Forget.
During our conversations, my mom went to pains to assure me that it wasn't all bad, that her experiences were 'just the way things were back then,' and that she had many good memories of my dad and our happy times as a family. I think that was true, by and large. I, too, have good memories of my father and our family. But I think Mom was less truthful — or simply less self-aware — when it came to discussing how being disregarded and patronized because she was a woman made her feel. 'Didn't it make you mad?' I asked after she finished telling the house story. 'No. Not really. More irritated. But I didn't dwell on it. I never really got angry at your dad,' she said, repeating her 'just the way things were' line. Yet, only minutes later, she related a story about buying a box of mismatched dishes at a thrift store, then going into the barn and hurling plates at the wall, one after another, taking out her frustrations on an entire case of crockery. Becoming angry, expressing negative emotions of any kind, was frowned upon for women of my mother's generation. Another example of the many things that boys got to do, and which girls only got to watch. I wouldn't call my mother typical; I'm not a believer in typicality for anyone, of any gender. But researching my novel showed me that Mom wasn't the only '60s-era housewife who was working hard to stuff down her emotions, or silently wondering why reaching the supposed pinnacle of feminine existence — kids, husband, house — left them feeling so empty inside, feeling guilty for feeling empty, convinced the fault must lie with them. In February 1963, when 'The Feminine Mystique' was published, women like my mom started to realize that they weren't at fault, and they weren't alone. 'It's hard to explain how I felt when I was reading it,' Mom told me. 'But I remember thinking, 'My God! There's going to be a revolution!'' Though there were all kinds of forces building, and multiple voices advocating for change, Friedan's book did seem to break things open. Many consider it a catalyst of second-wave feminism, at least for a certain kind of woman — women like my mom who were white, college-educated, and middle to upper class. As much as the supposedly good old days sucked for my mom, they sucked even more for those Friedan left out of the equation — women of color, poor women and those who never had an opportunity for higher education. And yet, for all of its imperfections and limitations, there is no denying that 'The Feminine Mystique' opened a lot of eyes and helped spark a national conversation about women's roles and rights. For my mother, what came next was less a revolution than a quiet rebellion, or perhaps an awakening. She decided she wanted to go back to college and started taking night classes. One night, she walked into the wrong classroom and ended up staying for the lecture. At the end of class, the professor noted that she wasn't on his list. When Mom explained her mistake, he invited her for coffee in the student union. 'So,' he said when they sat down, 'tell me your story.' Mom did, saying more than she'd intended, bursting into tears after admitting her marriage was on the rocks. The professor listened intently. When she finished, he said, 'You know something? I think you'd make a great parks and recreation major.' He was absolutely right about that. However, according to Mom, she'd have signed up for astronaut training if he'd suggested it. 'Nobody had ever told me I could be anything before.' She declared her major the next day. Though my dad never came out and said he was threatened by the prospect of being married to a woman who was better educated than he and was starting to think for herself, his actions in the next few years would indicate he did. There were multiple separations, and repeated attempts to patch things up and save the marriage. During one such period, they went to a marriage counselor. Mom, who was still working at the store, still taking care of the house and us kids, all while going to night school, recalls the male therapist looking at her and saying, 'The problem in this marriage is that you're irresponsible.' Mom was furious. Even so, she didn't give that guy the verbal smackdown he so richly deserved. But she did get to her feet and walk out of the session. 'And I never paid his bill,' she reported, jerking her chin. It was a small act of defiance but a big step for my mother. She'd get better at it in time. The divorce was messy. And our family grocery store, which had been struggling for some time, went under. Mom got a job at a bookstore and kept going to school at night. Money was tight; child support payments were small and frequently went unpaid. Mom took my father to court. Dad had remarried by that time, and his new wife had three daughters of her own. When Mom asked the court to compel my father to make up the missed payments, the judge said, 'He can't afford that. He has a new family to support now.' Mom threw out her hands while relating the story, still aghast by the judge's words and attitude. 'OK, but what about his old family? What about the kids he already had?' Though forced to play with a stacked deck, Mom somehow made it work. She finished her degree, raised her kids and eventually climbed the ladder to the top levels of her chosen profession. But it would have been even harder, perhaps even impossible, if Mom hadn't had considerable work experience and a college degree. A lack of education and professional skills had a direct and negative financial impact on many of her peers, trapping them in unhappy or even abusive marriages. In many ways, Mom was one of the lucky ones. But I still give her props. Because even then, it wasn't easy. Not at all. 'God, but we were broke! To this day, I still don't know how I did it,' she said, her grin signaling pride that, against all odds, somehow she had. 'Everything was so hard! But it was easier too, because I had control. I could make decisions. 'Back then, a married woman was supposed to keep the peace. She had to make sure her kids, and her husband, and her house was OK. But nobody ever asked if we were OK. Everybody else's needs were more important than yours; you didn't even dare have needs. And, of course, you were never supposed to get mad about it.' My mother's lament echoed through my own experiences as a wife and mother, and I know it also rings true in the lives of my three daughters-in-law. Women working full time still earn only 84% of what their male counterparts earn, and are also 14% less likely to be promoted. Although some gains have been made, women still face significant barriers when it comes to education and careers in science, math and technology. There are challenges on the home front, too. Studies show that women are still doing the greater share of housework and child care, even when working full time. Real equality between the sexes has yet to be realized. However, my conversations with Mom have made me more cognizant of how unequal, unjust, and just plain hard life was for women only a few short decades ago. It's also given me a deeper appreciation of all that her generation did to secure the rights and freedoms we take for granted today.
